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The Content Drought got me thinking of a wishlist...
2020.09.17 23:18 Deevius117The Content Drought got me thinking of a wishlist...
I'm pretty bummed on this celebration - the new content we just got is pretty cool, granted, but I don't have jack for the Extreme SBR stages and I was just grinding medals for awakening LR Buu endlessly, so I was thinking of things that I really want to see in the game and I thought of basically 3 ways to bucket my little wishlist... EZAs / Awakenings, categories, and units. I thought I'd list them here, maybe see if anyone else had thoughts like this - maybe fill in with how you would structure the units and the categories and all that!! Also, just a heads up... I've been getting into Dragon Ball Heroes a lot lately, just since it's weird and crazy, and even though GT is crap I like the characters and the transformations, so that's gonna be a theme in this list ;) Also, heavily influenced by what I have in my box. What are your top 3 wishlist units?? EZAs:
Super Strike Units
After these getting a Dokkan awakening of course - maybe a raid style like the one for Nuova / Evil Buu
That or an EZArea
Hatchiyak and Whis from the damn Extermination events
Also after getting a Dokkan awakening... maybe they add a stage to those events for medals, or have them available from something in the Baba Shop
They could add a super hard stage to the EZArea or maybe give them a traditional one to get some stones for those that have suffered through all of those awakenings
LR AGL Android 17 & 18 and LR PHY Great Saiyaman 1 & 2
Saiyaman doesn't necessarily need it, but would be something to grind for when times are dead... like this celebration has been... but the Androids definitely need one... I still haven't finished the grind since it's so ridiculous and I hear it was waaay worse back in the day
This one I want sooooooo badly... I love Saiyans, I love apes, and I think the giant growth category and these units are a total joke these days, totally worth it in my opinion
Maybe introduce a Gohan great ape unit??
Maybe even a Kid Goku GT Great Ape unit???
Include PHY Kid Goku Great Ape if it is a EZArea Vegeta, Nappa, Raditz Great Ape units too they're all a total bummer
SSG Gokus: PHY for sure, since that awakening is also a bitch and a half, as well as the INT one
The STR and AGL units too, IMO, but maybe later on down the road since they still have some usefulness here and there
INT LR Piccolo
AKA the worst LR in the game? Please dear god give this slug man some love
Str Piccolo Jr. (Giant Form)
Since namekians and giant form sucks, this would be awesome IMO
SSJ / SSJ2 Bardock Units
Would be a great buff to Low Class Warriors
PHY SSJ SUper Kaioken Goku
Since Otherworld warriors is pretty meh and he's got a pretty unique name
Trunks (GT) Units
More on this later, to make a GT category a thing... OR, buff the Shadow Dragon category, which definitely needs it
Since AGL Turles is a tough one to come by this would be cool AF
A Cooler (Final Form) unit
Not necessarily the PHY one, I'm thinking possibly the TEQ one
A Hell Fighter 17 unit
Again, this would help GT a lot as well as Androids, and would make some decent teams since he's got a unique name
PHY Syn Shenron
Same as a few of the others
One of the Boujack units
So the LR at least has a decent linking partner OMFG it's annoying
A Whis unit
Since the STR one is so rare, give the guy some love! And give beerus one extra decent linking partner
Super Strike units
Whis + Hatchiyak
Maybe if someone has completed all of the EZArea units they get medals or a special stage added?
STR Metal Rildo
PHY SSJ Gohan (Future) (TUR)
U6 units: Champa, Hit, Nameks (TUR)
STR Metal Cooler
STR West Kai
PHY UI Sign Goku (pleeeeeeaaaaasssseeee)
PHY Xeno Goku, INT Xeno Vegeta, STR Vegeks, INT Gohanks, AGL Gotenks, AGL Black Masked Saiyan, PHY Demigra, INT Demigra
DB Fusions Units:
Cellza, Coolieza, Janembuu, Whirus, pretty much all of em
just make the damn DB Fusion event come around every once in a while! for fuck's sake!!
SS4 / GT
I'd LOVE to have this fleshed out especially if this comes up as the theme for the 6 year anniversary (the homie Goresh made a great video on that)
I'm hoping that SS4 for sure gets a category like the other SS categories... cuz that's a place to give some DBH units some love and a reason to summon on em
GT would encapsulate some other good possible units like a baby vegeta, transforming vegeta / goku to SS4, transforming Super 17
OG Dragonball needs some love and an actual worthwhile leader... its the foundation of the whole series! And its a travesty that EZA LR Hercule doesn't have this as a new leader skill, though his is still pretty good
Also, I feel like there a bunch of Cell Saga units that could have this tag since he set up a damn tournament, but Dokkan hates making good categories so I'm not holding my breath
Shadow Dragon Saga
That Oceanus Shenron has a badass awakening on JP, bring on some more!
I saw a concept a while ago about a F2P Shadow Dragon saga team (like Ginyu Force, Team Bardock) and I'm 110% on board with that
Or, at least some story units that are F2P
How do we not have a Z fighters F2P team?? I feel like there should be a Piccolo on there too since Piccolo Jr. was technically born on Earth
This could also be a full F2P team like Ginyu / Bardock... and that would make it 2 Extreme teams (Ginyu and Shadow Dragons) and 2 Super teams (Team Bardock and Z fighters)
Honestly a couple of Piccolo units should get renamed so they can be run on the same team cuz the options are basically bullshit
Units: GT / Shadow Dragon sagas:
Transforming Goku GT
Kid Goku (GT) -> Giant form?
Goku Kid (GT) -> SSJ4 Goku
Transforming Vegeta GT -> SSJ4
Transforming SSJ4 Goku & Vegeta -> SSJ4 Gogeta (LR)
Transforming Baby Vegeta (base BV to SS2 Baby)
Transforming Hell Fighter 17 -> Super 17
Base Trunks GT & Pan (Single unit)
SSJ4 / DBH / Legends:
SSJ4 Kaioken Gogeta
SSJ4 Xeno Goku & Vegeta (Single OR 2 separate units) (LR?)
Cover Art Teaser: The Battle of Freeburg is over and they've held the castle. It's time for a victory celebration, where Frances makes a terrible discovery. Story Summary: After years of beatings and neglect from her parents, 13-year old Frances was summoned with her entire class to the fantastical world of Durannon to fight the monsters invading the human kingdoms and defeat the "Demon King." If she succeeds, she might have the home she never had. But if she can't overcome the trauma and self-loathing inflicted on her by her abusive parents, Frances will die, and be summoned back to the home she escaped, on the day that she left. [The Beginning] [<=Chapter 58] [Chapter Index and Blurb] [Chapter 60 on September 22 or Right Now For Patreons] [Map of Durannon] This chapter was pre-read byu/totallyundescript. Want to hang? Join the Discord Community! Conthwaite Castle... With the Battle of Freeburg over, the Otherworlder heroes were invited to a feast by Martin’s mother, Countess Esther of Conthwaite. The orc prisoners that had been taken, were transferred to the custody of the Royal Army, and the Fortress of Freeburg was re-garrisoned by, hopefully, more loyal troops. Apparently, as far as feasts went, this one was somewhat smaller than usual, but that seemed to be the case with the war being so fierce. Still, there was apparently going to be dancing and entertainment. And that was why Martin was taking Frances and Elizabeth to the tailor’s shop. Elizabeth had no suitable clothes for the feast, which Martin saw as a travesty. Frances did, having brought with her one of her nicer dresses, a light-blue affair with a high collar. The moment she tried it on, however, she realized that it was much tighter in certain places. She’d been downcast with embarrassment, until Elizabeth and Martin, examining her in her dress, reached a unanimous conclusion. “You’re not getting fatter, Frances,” Martin had said in a very officious tone. Elizabeth had nodded. “The dress is tighter at the arms, around the chest, and it’s too short, ill-fitting over your hips. You’re growing.” “Really?” Frances had whispered. “Yeah, it just needs some adjustment.” Elizabeth had giggled with glee. “We’re going on a shopping trip!” The tailor had indeed agreed with her friends’ opinion. And so, after getting their measurements, the three friends bought sandwiches at a streetside hawker and started to walk through the town’s streets. Martin’s home was the castle Macedin, the seat of all the Conthwaite lords and ladies, but he spent much of his childhood in its adjoining town of Macedin’s Rest. A bustling, busy town on a rise just under the castle, it had winding streets that zig-zagged up and down, with houses balancing on uneven slopes. The coming fall turned the leaves brown and scattered them onto the cobblestone roads, making the town incredibly picturesque. The knight led them to what he claimed was the best spot in the town. A small patch of wild garden stuck between two warehouses, broken by huge boulders, with scraggly trees growing between them. It loomed over the valley of Conthwaite, allowing the three to just appreciate the view of the beautiful valley. “So, are you heading off to Salpheron next?” Martin asked. “Actually, Edana said that we’re going to travel to the city of Erlenberg. So she’s coming to Conthwaite to meet me first and stay a few days.” Frances bowed her head. “She said she’s arriving tomorrow, or really late tonight. But I… I’m sure we’ll see each other again, soon.” “We can keep up by writing, and through mirror messages. When I get the opportunity, I’ll ask to visit you,” Elizabeth said. Martin nodded. “It’ll be easier than you might think. With fall coming, and winter soon after, I’m pretty sure we will. It’s too late in the year for anybody to embark on a new campaign. It’ll be a good time for everybody to rest.” Elizabeth chuckled. “I don’t think I will get much time to rest, though. Igraine said she’s been more than satisfied with my performance and said she’s ready to begin my training. I’m going to join her at Leipmont Forest. I… sense she’s going to go hard on me.” “Yes, but she is a really kind person. She won’t ever let you get hurt,” said Frances, giving her friend a reassuring smile. Elizabeth nodded slowly, with a bit of doubt, but also understanding. Mostly because she did sense that Igraine was a good person, but hadn’t seen much of the side that Frances was describing. “What are you doing in Conthwaite, Martin?” Elizabeth asked. “Administrative work. We need to bring in the last harvest before winter arrives and then there are supplies to be prepared for the next year’s campaigns. With my sister across the continent in Roranoak, fighting with the Erisdalian Expeditionary Force, it falls to me to help my mother ready Conthwaite for the winter.” He sighed. “I wish you could spend winter with us. There are evening dances, board games, and other activities to pass the time. At least you’ll both be here for tonight’s feast and dance.” “We had those too in Salpheron. Not the dances, though.” Frances blinked and her eyes widened. “Oh no!” “Frances? What’s wrong?” Martin asked, alarmed at the panic in the mage’s voice. Elizabeth sprang to her feet, ready to rush to Frances’s side. “I don’t know how to dance!” Frances exclaimed. Martin blinked owlishly and was blindsided by Elizabeth’s panicked scream. “Oh no! Martin, you’ll have to teach us!” The knight pulled himself to his feet, confused. “Wait, hold up, you don’t know how to dance?” “No, we weren’t taught. I mean, we were taught some dancing in our high school, but that was an experience everybody wanted to forget.” Elizabeth grimaced. “I sucked. Clomping around with my big feet and long legs. I nearly dragged my partners off their feet.” She hesitated for a moment. Frances reached out and touched her friend’s shoulder. “I just remember you seemed to actually enjoy yourself, which was nice. I enjoyed dancing with you when we were paired.” Elizabeth blinked. “We danced? Wait, why were we paired? They were pairing boys with girls.” Frances swallowed. “We had more girls than boys for that class… and not a lot of people wanted to touch Foul Francey.” Elizabeth’s jaw unhinged for a second and she growled. “Right, that’s it, we’re learning how to dance properly, even if we’ll be dancing between the three of us. Martin—” she raised her hands in as best of an imitation of a dance posture as she could think “—instruct us please.” Martin snorted, but his lips were set in a determined smile, and he had drawn himself up straighter. Extending his hands, he reached out and took Elizabeth’s. “Right, watch closely, Frances. To start with, this is not how you hold someone. There are actually no male and female parts in Erisdalian dance. We just have a leader and a follower. For the moment, we’re going to learn a simple…” While they were never going to become master dancers after an afternoon session, Frances and Elizabeth learnt a lot by watching Martin guide the other, by being guided by Martin himself, and finally by dancing together under Martin’s watchful eye. It was so that when it finally came time for the feast, they felt far more comfortable. After all, they knew that when the dance portion came, they wouldn’t be embarrassing themselves too much. The feast was glorious. Roast pork and chicken, sausages and mash, fresh vegetables, steamed pork and vegetable buns that seemed unique to Conthwaite, and lots of Conthwaite beer. Then there were the desserts. Cakes, pastries, tarts and pies that the Otherworlders and the Erisdalian Rangers stuffed themselves with. All the while, they watched a play put on. A comedy that nobody really got the plot of, but it had most in stitches by the end, as it involved some amazing stunt work and pratfalls. France suspected that there was a mage assisting things behind the scenes because some of the falls the costumed actors took, looked rather painful, or downright impossible. There was one large performer who bounced across the floor like a ball, and yet somehow came out of the bounce to land perfectly on his feet. Then the dancing came. All the Rangers celebrating with them knew how to dance. The Otherworlders mostly simply tried to follow along as the musicians played a lively jig. Sure enough, Frances and Elizabeth still were pretty bad at dancing, but they were much better than their classmates. Everybody laughed and giggled with each other, for nobody wanted to spoil the festive mood carried by the music. Frances, for her part, stayed as far away from Jessica and Leila as possible. She was helped by her friends who lent their eyes to the task, whisking her aside if necessary. Having danced their feet tired, the three retired to a small table where they were joined by Nicole and Jim. “This is a fantastic party!” Nicole whooped, slamming herself down onto the bench. Martin, grinning, offered a mug of beer. “More?” “I think she shouldn’t,” stammered Jim, and Nicole, although grumbling, didn’t take the mug. “It’s going to be very weird when we get back home and we can’t try any alcohol,” Nicole quipped. “Mm-hmm! I wonder how our beer tastes in comparison to theirs?” Elizabeth mused as she caressed a mug. Everybody had decided that, given she was nearly fifteen anyway, she deserved a mug. As the conversation continued and Frances listened, she felt a pang of sorrow. Because, aside from Martin, she knew that after they killed the Demon King her friends were going to go home, to Earth. She knew she was staying in Durannon and that when she died, she would die in Durannon. She’d never see Nicole, Jim, or Elizabeth ever again. And that was if all of them survived the war. The emotions welled up so suddenly, so heavily in her chest that she sprang to her feet. “I think I need a moment alone, everyone. I’m going to go for a bit of a walk.” Frances smiled when Martin and Elizabeth glanced at her with concern. “I’ll come back for the night games.” “Alright. I will check up on you if you don’t show up, though.” Elizabeth waggled her finger at Frances as she said that, prompting both to chuckle. “I’ll be right behind her,” said Martin with a grin. “I still need to introduce you both to my moms.” Frances, still managing to smile, nodded and made her escape quick. She managed to just get out of the ballroom before her eyes moistened and her smile shattered. Staunching her eyes with her handkerchief, she made her way to a spot she noticed earlier. Martin had given them a really long tour of Conthwaite Castle, a grand, yet, archaic-looking stone fortress that stood upon a hill of black granite. He’d also shown Frances a small greenhouse garden that was maintained in the castle. In the night, lit only by some oil lamps, the leaves of the fronds and flowers cast broken shadows on the paved ground. Frances, still sniffling slightly, walked to where she recalled there was a sitting table and two chairs. As she rounded a rather odd-looking frond that she made a note to ask Edana about later, she heard two people whispering. There was somebody here already. Disappointed, Frances turned to leave. But then she heard something that made her blood freeze. “I thought you gave Helias the plans! Told him every detail!” “I did. But there was no possible way we could have known the Otherworlders would bypass every single trap and then drop a cliff on his army.” Frances clamped her hands over her open mouth. She could not make a sound. Her head was screaming at her to run. “Freeburg Castle fell to treachery two nights ago,” Edana’s voice echoed in her mind. The Great Tower had been trapped. They’d rigged the bridge to explode. They had an orc army ready to reinforce them. The whole plan was exposed. They had a traitor in their camp. Or traitors, from the sound of it. With small, light steps, Frances turned around and walked towards the exit. She didn’t have Alanna, her sword. She did have Ivy’s Sting, but she’d rather not fight. The important thing was to run, and get her news to someone. But… she didn’t know who was talking. If she didn’t know that, she would have no idea how to identify the traitor. She needed to look at their faces. Frances swallowed. That meant getting closer. Or… apprehending these traitors herself. There was no time for further thought. Frances took a deep breath, steeled herself and drew Ivy’s Sting with her right hand, left one hitching up her dress. “In any case, we need to get you all out of here. They know they have traitors in their midst. Hell, Edana Firehand is arriving tonight, if not tomorrow. If we wait any longer, we might not be able to extract.” Frances thought the speaker sounded familiar, but there was no time to think. She had to act. She leapt out, her notes filling the greenhouse. The two traitors were thrown backwards. One smashed into a bed of flowers, tulips she thought, and rolled head over heels. Yet, somehow, the other yelled a word of power and landed on his feet with almost cat-like grace. He drew a wand himself. Frances switched to a different set of chords, and mentally apologizing to Martin, directed the sunflowers that grew beside the stocky traitor to wrap around him. All the while, she began the process of casting her lightning spell. But, as the sunflower stems wrapped themselves around the struggling traitor, human colored peach skin faded, giving way to a tan-coloured skin. A tail suddenly appeared, and the illusion, for that was what it was, shattered. Frances found herself staring at an all too familiar trogre. His pointed ears alert, black eyes filled with anger. “Timur?” she gasped, hesitating. Timur blinked, but unlike Frances, he didn’t hesitate. He ripped his wand arm from his side and before Frances could react, he yelled a word of power. Frances felt the air in front of her expand and she was knocked backward. Her vision blurring, she hit the ground and slammed into what seemed like the trunk of a tree. Tears filled her eyes as she scrabbled for balance. She felt surprise, fear and betrayal all at the same time, in a confused flux. Desperately she raised her wand and screamed a note, throwing all her power into it. The keening noise that rang out shattered several panes of glass and everybody in the entire Conthwaite castle could hear it. “Help! Traitors in the greenhouse— ” Pain exploded across Frances’s cheek as something hard hit her and she knew nothing more. But it was enough. In a corner of the ballroom, Nicole and Jim were holding each other on a bench. Their lips were nearing for a kiss. The scream made them freeze and spring to their feet. In the same ballroom. Elizabeth broke off from her dance with Martin and raced toward the direction of the noise. Martin bellowed orders for the guards to rally to him and to lock down the castle. Igraine, at the top of a tower, quietly watching the half-moon with a tankard of wine in her hand, rolled off her borrowed couch and seized her sword. In the stables, a white-robed figure with a green staff was just exiting her carriage. She was smiling eagerly, ready to meet with her dear student. Frances’s magically-magnified scream wiped the smile from Edana’s face. The pain in it sent cold horror straight into her chest and lent her speed as she ran towards the main castle building. Timur pulled back his fist, wringing it with pain. He’d been so desperate to quiet the human who was ruining everything that he’d punched without adjusting his strength. His ears still ringing, he slowly drew his dagger. He needed to end the enemy mage. Yet, with the adrenaline fading from his veins, he hesitated as it suddenly dawned on him he would be killing his opponent in cold blood. That was when he realized that the very pretty human mage, was actually a girl, of only fifteen. The cream-coloured silk dress had made her appear more mature. Timur’s eyes narrowed. The bruised face of the girl was known to him. He gently turned the girl’s face so he could examine it better. Timur gasped and felt his heart sink as he realized who he’d just battered into unconsciousness. “Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Frances! Please be alive. Please be alive!” He slipped his finger underneath her chin to find her pulse and was relieved to feel that she was alive. A human woman ran into the garden and cursed. “What the fuck happened—Russell!” “I’m fine, Claudia!” muttered Russell, who was pulling himself up out of the flowerbed. “We were overheard. Prince Timur knocked her out.” “Well she’s alerted the entire castle! Timur, slit her throat and let’s scatter!” Claudia hissed. Timur froze. There was no way in hell he was going to slit Frances’s throat. Not after everything she’d done for him. Especially since he knew that if he killed her, he’d be sending her back to the monsters that were her parents. It would be a fate worse than death. He could not imagine putting the kind, caring girl in front of him at their mercy. He would never forgive himself. That, and he’d die shortly afterward because the magic she provided would stop keeping him alive. But he couldn’t just leave her. It’d taken an Alavari agent weeks to cultivate the trust of Russell, Claudia and their traitor friends. Weeks of promising a life away from the war, land in Alavaria, and a way for them to escape their dreary lives as foot soldiers and servants. However, Timur didn’t have the same relationship that agent did. He was here only to help with the extraction. If he left Frances, he suspected they’d turn on him in an instant. “No.” He forced a grin to his face, even if it brought a sour feeling to his lips. “This is Frances, beloved student of Edana Firehand. The only way we’re getting out of this alive is if we let her go, which I don’t think you want, or take her as a hostage.” Claudia and Russell turned to each other, whispering briefly, before nodding. “Yeah, good call. Take her to the safe room. They’ll be searching the castle for her, so you both need to lie low.” Claudia grimaced. “I hope you have that escape plan ready.” “It is. Now let’s get out of here so we can actually use it,” said Timur evenly. Claudia helped Russell up and began to walk him out of the greenhouse. When she wasn’t looking, Timur gently picked up Frances in his arms, wincing as he realized she was still quite light. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. Author's Note: ... I'm sorry-not-sorry about this chapter. So on continuing notes on how I write A Fractured Song, let's talk about Frances and how I came up with this girl you all love so much. I'm also posting more notes here in a not-so-subtle nudge to get my patreons to ask me more questions for the upcoming Q&A. I can't exactly pinpoint which came first, the plot of A Fractured Song or the character of Frances. I suspect they came together, which is usually what happens in my experience. However, I do know that Frances was inspired by a number of my favorite female fantasy characters. Actually I made a graph here: Link to graph. Tell me what you think of it. But a TLDR: Lirael from Garth Nix's Old Kingdom Series, Alanna, Daine and Keladry from Tamora Pierce's Tortall Universe, Hermionie from JK Rowling's Harry Potter, and Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony. For the update question: What kind of heroines do you like to see in your fiction, or can you name your favorite heroine?
2020.08.20 11:37 ManyNames_A Day in the Life of Dick Vitale ( 2001 article )
5:30 am: Alarm clock goes off with the sounds of Duke's fight song. Vitale wakes up happy, ready to face another day.
5:35 am: Vitale enters the shower and uses Blue Devil Blue bar of soap while going over his to-do list mentally. Suddenly, his wife hears him blurt out, "It's a travesty that no one has hired Wojo yet! He's gonna be awesome babeee!!!" She wonders why she ever said "I do" 80 years ago.
6:00 am: Turns on ESPN to find SportsCenter replaying for the two hundredth time of the morning. When Duke's game isn't the first highlight shown, Vitale throws his bowl of Coach K Krunch at the screen. He sees the teams and yells something about "That damn West Coast bias"...Iowa vs. Missouri is the highlight being shown.
6:03 am: Vitale calls ESPN's employee direct line to complain about the lack of respect Duke is being shown during the broadcast. The producer tells him that because Duke beat Portland (not the Trail Blazers, mind you, but Portland U.) by 74, no one in the production meeting wanted that game to lead in with. Vitale threatens a boycott of Stuart Scott, the current anchor on air, and UNC alum. The producer laughs.
6:45 am: Vitale is on the phone to Coach K's secretary...at home. "Mr. Vitale," She says. "I don't go to work until 8 o'clock, please wait until I'm in the office. Coach K won't be in until 10 either. Stop calling me!" Vitale responds that he must have an exclusive interview with The Almighty, er, Coach K as soon as possible! He needs his opinion on what to wear to that night's game.
8:30 am: Vitale plays tennis with Grant Hill's dad and loses six-love, six-love. Afterwards, Vitale grabs the sweat-soaked towel Hill used and runs off with it. Later, his wife finds it in the closet next to the ones from Christian Laettner, Bobby Hurley, Elton Brand and Corey Maggette's AAU coach. She calls her divorce lawyer...again.
10:15 am: Dick is doing an interview with ESPNNews' Michael Kim about the young college basketball season. Kim asks him about the surprising Arizona Wildcats and their two top-five wins from last week. "That's right, Michael, you heard it here first, Duke's Jason Williams is the best point guard in the history of basketball. Not just college basketball, but all of basketball at every level!!!" Kim sighs and asks Vitale who his early favorite to win the Big XII is. "Personally Michael, I think it's an M&Mer, a mismatch babee, it's no contest. Duke could beat the Bulls right now. I know some of you out there in America are going to laugh at me, but I really think the two best teams in the NBA are the Lakers and Duke." ESPNNews immediately cuts to commercial.
1:30 pm: Vitale has lunch with new-signed Duke recruit Sean Dockery. Dockery thanks Vitale for helping him pass his ACT and asks him what he thought of "his boy Will Bynum" the other night in New York City. "Never heard of him." Vitale says.
3:45 pm: Vitale is on the phone with Coach K asking if he can give the team a pre-game pep talk. "But Dick, we're just playing Davidson, the kids will be fine." Vitale then literally begs Krzyzewski to let him sit on the bench next to Shane Battier. "He's in the NBA, Dick. Plays down in Memphis now, doing quite well as a matter of fact, had 30 last night." "Oh," Vitale says. "Do you have his number?"
4:57 pm: Minutes before he is to be on the air along with College Basketball 2Night's analyst, Jay Bilas, Vitale is despondent. "What's the matter Dickie V?" Bilas asks. "The Network just called. They're sending me out west again. I have to cover the LSU-Tennessee game in Baton Rouge next week." "Dick, that's not even close to the west. It's right off the mighty Mississip-" "I know...I hate the Pacific Ocean."
6:10 pm: Tip-off of the game Vitale is covering: UConn vs. Fairfield (Why this game is on ESPN nation-wide is unknown to 99.3% of the country). The Huskies win the tap. Vitale: "Duke should cut the nets down once again this March in the Georgia Dome, it's gonna be repeat city, babee!" By mentioning Duke in a non-Duke game in the first 0.3 seconds, Vitale bests his own World Record by nearly a full second! His broadcast partner, Brad Nessler, congratulates him.
8:15 pm: UConn wins 102-60 behind sophomore phenom Caron Butler's quadruple-double. He scores 55, grabs 17 boards, dishes out 11 assists and records 11 steals as well. Many around the nation are calling it one of the best all-around single game performances they've ever seen. Nessler asks Vitale his opinion on Butler's game. "When you break it down, it becomes clear that Jason Williams and Chris Duhon of Duke are far and away the greatest backcourt in history, babee! This Butler kid is nothing compared to the Super Soph Duhon! I saw a game last year where Duhon scored 14 points! He was flat out awesome babee!"
8:22 pm: Vitale is forced to go on-court to interview Butler. The Q&A goes like this: Vitale: I'm here with Caron Butler, who shocked the nation by not signing with Duke outta high school. Caron, what is your take on Shane Battier? Butler (stunned): "Uh, he was a great player last year. I have a lot of respect for his game." Vitale: "Me too. Brad, back to you."
9:57 pm: Vitale watches the last minutes of Duke's 129-52 victory over a helpless Davidson club at the ESPNZone in Manhattan. Someone in the restaurant tells Vitale to shut up after he screams when Duke backup guard Andre Buckner scores on a layup. "You're the most biased person alive, Dukie V!" The man yells. "You are the reason everyone outside of Durham HATES Duke, because you never shut up about them!" Vitale leaves the restaurant, but not before taunting the crowd with chants of "Who's your daddy, Battier!" a la the Cameron Crazies. No one gets it. 11:00 pm: Vitale is back home, watching SportsCenter. When Duke is not the first highlight shown, he once again calls the studio in Bristol, CT. "Dick," The producer says. "Duke won by 77, no one cares! Caron Butler had one of the best games ever, Michael Jordan broke his legs, Barry Bonds AND Jason Giambi signed with the Yankees and Arizona beat another top-five team. Those are our lead stories!" Vitale responds angrily. "Nobody cares about those things! Michael Dunleavy and Carlos Boozer both dunked tonight...with authority babee! I heard Coach K even played Casey Sanders and Nick Horvath together tonight! These are important things the country must know about! And how about the suit little Wojo was wearing? If he's not head coach material I don't know who is! And speaking of suits, get that Stuart Scott off the air, he's a Tar Heel babee! We hate those Chapel Hill guys. ...Hello?" All he hears is: "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up or try the number again."
11:59 pm: Duke is the last highlight shown, and now Vitale can go to bed. He brushes his teeth with the 1992 Final Four toothbrush Thomas Hill used, flosses with the same strand Trajan Langdon used before the losing the '99 championship game and prays to his shrine of Battier. All he asks for is that Duke gets respect around the country and that no one, especially ESPN, sends him out to the West Coast to do a game. Because he hates going to Nebraska. He gets into bed and thinks about the next day. Someone named UCLA is playing against someone named Stanford. "Hmm," he thinks. "Never heard of 'em.
2020.07.07 00:50 Tomi5196Week 5 - GCW TV Show (Genesis Phase)
Hi guys, we have started a 3 way fantasy booking challenge with u/Bestevr34 and u/AquaGorilla_Man. My show is Global Championship Wrestling and my TV show is Monday Night BLVCKOVT. Hope you enjoy! Edits for spellings and layout. Link to previous shows here: 1) https://www.reddit.com/fantasybooking/comments/gz984i/week_1_gcw_tv_show_genesis_stage/ 2) https://www.reddit.com/fantasybooking/comments/h9q6l8/week_2_gcw_tv_show_genesis_phase/ 3) https://www.reddit.com/fantasybooking/comments/he2n0v/week_3_gcw_tv_show_genesis_phase/ 4) https://www.reddit.com/fantasybooking/comments/hibl40/week_4_gcw_tv_show_genesis_phase/ Roster Breakdown: https://www.reddit.com/fantasybooking/comments/h9qhms/gcw_roster_titles_ppv_breakdown/ Week 5 - GCW TV Show (Genesis Phase) Show 5 (Be fruitful) Segment #1 - In Ring Promo with Rhea Ripley Rhea Ripley is in the ring as the show starts. A highlight package is played of her overcoming the team of Naomina two weeks ago, followed by Paige’s choice words at the end. “But that doesn’t mean all is forgiven” I mean, our GM asked me a question and I’ve been brought up my entire life under the mantra ‘honesty is the best policy’. Do I think I’m the best wrestler in my division? Yes! Do I think I can beat each and every one of my competitors? Yes! Should I be considered the favourite for the GCW Bantamweight Championship? Absolutely! I have to be. I mean how many people have won handicap matches here in GCW? No-one as far as I’m aware! I even hear some people wondering ‘well who is the second favourite?’ And do you know what I say to those people? You’re celebrating failure - if you’re not the best, then fall in line. Either stand up and prove the doubters wrong or move aside and let someone else have a go. All I can say is that I believe I’m the best and until I meet my maker, there ain’t no-one in GCW that can stop me.” Mickie James music comes on and makes her way down to the ring. “Rhea, I love the confidence you have. But it is rubbing up people the wrong way. Just tone it down a bit. I was like you once. Full of myself, thinking I was going to change the world after being one of the stars in my early WWE career. Then I faltered hugely. And it took 4 incredibly talented women and one brave visionary to help realise that female wrestling can be just as newsworthy as the males. But don’t go making enemies for the sake of it. You never know when you might need a veteran in your corner.” “Mickie, you are one of the all-time greats. But unfortunately, hun, times have changed, and wrestling has passed you by now. So, if you want to be in MY corner ever, I’d be more than happy to help you try and acclimatise to the new ways of wrestling.” Mickie drops the smile and nice attitude, instead favouring a deeper and more serious tone. “I don’t think you’re listening to me. You do not disrespect your predecessors. You would not be opening a wrestling show that is being broadcast to millions of people at home if it wasn’t for the likes of Trish Stratus, Gail Kim, Alundra Blayze, Molly Holly, Ivory, Lita, Victoria and many many others. Just watch your mouth, before you really tread on someone’s toes. Cos if you step on the wrong toes, forgiveness will be the least of your concerns.” Mickie James leaves while Rhea Ripley is left to ponder. Segment #2 - Backstage interview with Lio Rush Interviewer- “Well Lio, Paige has sanctioned a tag team match between Buckshot and yourself. But obviously, Bobby Lashley is unavailable for join you this week due to the incident from last week. So my questions are who is your partner and how’s Bobby holding up?” Rush - “Bobby is doing great, he has good representation so he’ll be out real soon. Unfortunately not soon enough for my tag team match tonight, so I’ve recruited another person. He also will be fighting the same powers that be. He will be waging war against those that stunt our growth as performers due to the colour of our skin.” Apollo Crews enters Rush continues. “And while his debut will show a loss, what it won’t show is the heart and passion that he displayed. Or the talent. I mean look at him. If he doesn’t scream future World Heavyweight Champion, then you must be blind. Or maybe you’re just incapable of appreciating talent when it is right in front of you, just because of the pigmentation he possesses. Well if that’s the case, then you can take the first part of that word and wear it dishonourably. We will right the wrong doings of our world, one way or the other. Like my brother Malcolm X would’ve said had he been alive, may he rest in power and prosperity, we intend to bring equality to the forefront of people’s minds ‘by any means necessary’.” Rush and Crews leave Match 1 - Dijikovic vs. Mojo Rawley Dijikovic wastes no time on an all-out attack on Mojo, a great combination of moves gives Dijikovic the edge. Rawley tries his best to get back into the fight but to no avail! Dijikovic locks in a new submission dubbed “Pride of Mass” (reverse chokehold) and takes the victory via submission. Dijikovic holds two fingers up and then reveals 10 fingers, almost as if to say that’s 2 outta 10. TJ Perkins is shown backstage with his shoulder taped up in an animated discussion with a medic and a GCW member of back room staff. Result - Dijikovic (2-0) defeats Mojo Rawley (0-2) via submission Segment #3 - Backstage Heath Slater is shouting for Paul - “Mr Heyman, sir. I need a moment of your time.” Heyman - “What now Heath?” Slater - “I’d like an opportunity to compete here tonight. How about you put me in a match for the tournament you been hosting for the GCW World Heavyweight Championship contention? I’m raring to go and ready to be the face of your company!” Heyman looks bemused but shrugs his shoulders. “Heath, the last chance I gave you was in a different tournament. And, I hate to say this, but you flattered to deceive. I mean why on gods beautiful planet would I agree to give you another chance, when the only match that you have won is via disqualification?” Slater - “I humbly respect your opinion, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. And if I were to make some similar comparisons to our world. The Cenation wasn’t formed overnight. Hulkamania wasn’t an instant phenomenon. Hell, even Austin didn’t become the megastar he is now in a short amount of time. It takes graft and dedication, which I have buckets of! Just think Mr Heyman, imagine the wrestling world when they realise that you were the only wrestling figurehead that successfully predicted the era of Slater. How cool would that be? And I’d be the wrestler that is the bestler, that would be my caption! But I’m no creative whiz like you, you do what you think is best sir!” Heyman - “I like your moxi kid, how about you make your way down to the ring? I have an opponent that would like some more TV time. You vs. Them. Winner qualifies for the tournament how about it?” Match 2 - Heath Slater vs. Mystery Opponent (winner qualifies for the GCW World Heavyweight Championship tournament) Heath Slater is waiting eagerly in the middle of the stage. He’s bouncing and limbering up when sAnity’s music hits. Out comes Eric Young, flanked by the behemoths that are Killian Dain and Lars Sullivan. Eric Young - “Well Mr Slater, seems like you’ve not been paying attention to my free advice. We’re living in a world where mental health is crucial to our survival. And yet, here you are. Chasing an unchaseable goal. Our asylum already has one reservation, I’m sure we could find room for another inmate.” Slater - “Kona Reeves is fine; I’ve seen him backstage. In fact, I just passed him.” Dain - “Who said it was him?” Slater’s face drops and asks who it is. Young - “A monster who has been so malnourished due to the self-desire to grasp the proverbial brass ring that he is now unable to cope in our modern society. We are doing the industry a favour keeping this monster behind the curtain. He is what we like to call a case of ‘Pandora’s box’. He’s the ace up our sleeve. So, when people who, like you, think that my advice isn’t applicable for them, shy away from their mental responsibilities, can be forced to be held accountable for their lack of action. Mr Slater, this is your one and only warning. Bow out of the match graciously so as to avoid the mental anguish that failure will bring you.” Slater - “I got kids man! And I’m chasing my dreams and chasing my pay cheques. I’m here and I’m ready to scrap. Bring it on, you looney tune!” Young - “Oh, I hope you realise that I’m not your opponent, they are...” sAnity surround the ring as Slater looks scared. Sullivan enters the ring and stands in his corner. The referee is unsure of what to do, but things appear settled. Graves - “Looks like Slater is going to be going one on one with the Freak.” Ranallo - “Good luck to him, hope he gets to see his kids after this!” The referee decides to ring the bell to make the match official. Sullivan immediately charges the referee and hits him with the ‘Freak Accident’. The commentators share their disgust and are outraged at the violence displayed towards the official. Ranallo – “The opening week loss has sent Eric Young insane. And what’s worse? Dain and Sullivan are eating this all up.” The ring announcer immediately confirms what the crowd already know - Heath Slater is now in the final for the GCW World Heavyweight Championship. Young - “I think this is the part that you don’t, and Kona certainly didn’t, understand. Do you honestly think that we are delivering these sermons to then concentrate on winning wrestling matches? No. We are here to make a difference to the general public’s perception of sAnity. But they’re a bit like you, they just ignore the very few warnings we supply. I did tell you that this was your last chance after all...” Dain and Sullivan proceed to batter the absolute holy hell out of Slater. They finish by having Dain crossbody him on the outside before Young crouches down and starts stroking Slater’s hair and humming. It makes for uncomfortable viewing, until Kona Reeves and PTP rush down the ramp to make the save. sAnity retreat through the crowd. Young laughs and holds his arms aloft before he says, “Sanity isn’t just a state of mind, it is a lifestyle choice that one must make. You will understand eventually Heath, you will understand us eventually.” Result - Heath Slater (2-3) defeats Lars Sullivan (w. sAnity) (0-1) via disqualification. Heath Slater enters as the #11 entry to the GCW World Heavyweight Championship tournament. Segment #4 - Pre-recorded interview Interview held on the outside of a tall building at night. Interviewer - “Thank you for joining me Stephanie, or more like thank you for inviting me here to conduct the interview. The view is incredible!” Steph - “I just love working here, that view never gets old! Even when you’re working non-stop 24/7, I just look up and see that from my desk. Better than anything my father was able to offer me!” Interviewer - “So GCW has run on TV for a month now, how do you feel it’s stacked up to the other promotions that started around the same time? Obviously CPW just held their 3-day extravaganza while The Shield, now known as The Sword, have been tearing it up with their promotion. Are you excited that the industry looks like it has a bright future?” Steph - “I am, I really am. Obviously, working with WWE, we were under pressure of signing every single possible potential mega superstar. And sometimes it worked out for us, most of the time it went bust. It’s so much better, for the industry, having the talent spread out evenly across three different promotions. We’re all giving wrestlers a chance to see what they’re capable of. Some new stars are bound to be made; some will continue to shine brightly while there will be some that begin to fade. With these huge rosters, myself, Paige, and Paul must be ambitious but also considerate when it comes to acquiring new talent. In fact, we have just been finalising a couple of deals that should make a huge ripple in our roster. All in all, I think we are putting out good content, potentially better than our competitors but it is clearly down to the fans to justify my thoughts.” Interviewer - “What do you say to the critics of GCW that there have only been 2 championships decided after 5 weeks of television?” Steph - “That I completely get the frustrations. It was something we were all deliberating. Do we just hand out these titles straight away? But then Paul said something that made us all change our minds. He said, ‘Fans want to feel involved and feel like they had a part to play in a wrestler’s rise to the top. If we elect champions, we’re taking that away from our core audience.’ And it’s reasons like that that remind me of the brilliance of Paul Heyman. Yes we argue, disagree and complain but it’s always in the best interests of the product we are trying to provide. Trust me, by the time our first PPV ends, most (if not all) championships will have been earned.” Interviewer - “I know I’m eating up a lot of your time, so I’ll just ask one question. Is it true that you are going to terminate the contracts of Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens after their constant threats and breach of suspension?” Steph - “No. I am reinstating them. All is forgiven.” Interviewer - “That’s it? No condemnation? No criticism? No vengeful promises?” Steph - “Like I said, ‘All is forgiven.’” Interviewer - “Okay, thank you for your time Steph!” Match 3 - Akira Tozawa vs. Johnny Gargano vs. Tyler Bates vs. Chad Gable This is a slobber knocker of a match, with everyone getting a chance to show off their stuff. Gargano hits the lawn dart on Bates but is then clotheslined by Gable. Gable begins to take over but is very careful to maintain control of his emotions. He hits all different varieties of Suplex (except for the German). He hits a picture-perfect northern lights Suplex. As he gets up, a German flag is shown on the screen and the national anthem begins to play. He looks confused and complains to the referee before running into a huge drop kick from Bates. Bates then seizes control before Tozawa owns all of them. Tozawa hits super kicks on Gargano and Bates, before lining up a shining wizard onto Gable. Tozawa picks up the win but again Gable is the victim of more unjust and unfair decisions. Result – Akira Tozawa (1-0) defeats Chad Gable (0-3), Johnny Gargano (0-1) and Tyler Bates (0-3) Match 4 – Holy Vengeance Championship Open Challenge Aleister Black is standing in the middle of the ring, while the ring announcer reads a prepared statement. It says, “I will be a fighting champion. If you have the balls to challenge me for my title, then let’s have at it. If you don’t, then do not show your face. Otherwise I will send you back to whence you came.” Kona Reeves comes down the ramp with a microphone in his hand. “Aleister, I will challenge you. I have qualified for the World Heavyweight Championship Tournament so could do with the practice match. May the best man win.” “I intend to…” The official rings the bell and Reeves goes to shake Blacks hand, who dismisses it by staring blankly at it. Reeves then slaps Black and screams, “Let’s do this!” before Black smashes him with a high kick. Reeves hits the deck and is clutching his nose. After the referee checks on him (around 20 seconds), Black hoists Reeves up with his foot, fakes the first Black Mass before hitting him on the second spin. Reeves is out like a light and the referee stops the match. Black’s arms are raised, and the time is announced again. Another improvement. “Holy Vengeance… that’s what I deliver.” Result – Aleister Black (6-0) defeats Kona Reeves (1-1) via pinfall to retain The Holy Vengeance Championship (2:12). Segment #5 – Backstage Conversation Naomi is backstage talking with Tamina about her current losing streak. She is apologetic, down in the dumps and feeling sorry for herself. Tamina slaps her across the face and demands her to toughen up. She orders Naomi to go out there and get the result for themselves but also her injury-stricken husband. Match 5 – Naomi (w. Tamina) vs. Liv Morgan vs. Lacey Evans Naomi seems to have been inspired by Tamina’s words and is fired up. She is hitting successive drop kicks, nice right hands and building momentum. Liv Morgan, after the rest of The Riott Squad were evicted, is struggling, and taking a beating from the two other competitors. Eventually, Naomi hits Liv Morgan with The Rear View. She looks at Tamina and gives her the thumbs up while Lacey Evans is slowly putting on her white glove. Naomi ignores Tamina’s warning and Evans clocks her with The Woman’s Right. She dusts her brow, fans herself with the other glove and gently covers Naomi. The referee counts to three and, just like that, Naomi loses yet again. Result – Lacey Evans (1-0) defeats Naomi (0-4) and Liv Morgan (0-1) via pinfall. Segment #6 – In-ring promo with Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens walk down the ramp as Naomi is walking up. Sami Zayn condescendingly pats Naomi on the head while Owens can be heard saying, “It obviously runs in the marriage.” They saunter down to the ring, grab two microphones, and look out to the audience. They are booed heavily but they proceed to bow to all four corners of the ring and pat each other on the back. Kevin Owens – “It is good to be back, officially this time. I don’t know about you Sami, but I have genuinely missed this place. Feels nice to be earning my pay this week as opposed to working for free last week!” Sami Zayn – “Completely agree buddy. We have been reinstated by the Billion Dollar Princess and The Anti-Diva herself. Both have said ‘All is forgiven’. They must’ve finally realised what a hot commodity they have on their hands. I mean, we aren’t called The I.D. for nothing! We are proper Indie Darlings and if GCW weren’t going to appreciate us, then we could’ve easily taken our talents elsewhere!” Kevin Owens – “That’s why it was so refreshing to have been forgiven and reinstated. Now, let’s get serious, shall we? D.I.Y. are just a rip off of us. Best friends turned enemies now best friends again. Sound familiar Sami?” Sami Zayn – “Absolutely, I call gimmick infringement!” Kevin Owens – “Exactly. Now, there will be no problems as long as they accept our challenge for a match at Soul 4 Immortality. GCW thought we wanted a title opportunity. But we aren’t fooling ourselves, we haven’t earned that! Yes, we had victory in the palms of our hands in the main event of Week 1. But Sami and I are anything but sore losers. We just want justice. That’s why we attacked The Usos. We didn’t mean to injure them; we were simply making a statement. They were able to have a match against D.I.Y. despite us requesting it specifically immediately after they cost us. D.I.Y. you hold the cards. What do you say?” D.I.Y. appear at the top of the ramp. Johnny Gargano – “How delusional are you? Justice? You want justice? Is that how you justify last week’s actions?” Tommaso Ciampa – “Let me guess, ‘FTR were in the wrong place at the wrong time’. What I think you fail to realise, though, is that those boys are like us. They aren’t like Steph. They won’t forget and they sure as hell won’t forgive. And as far as gimmick infringement? That just makes me laugh. Are you the only two friends in wrestling history? Are you the only two friends who have ever had a bitter falling out? Are you the only two enemies who eventually reconnected and reconciled their differences? What an original gimmick you two have!” Johnny Gargano – “We are happy to accept your challenge for a match at Soul 4 Immortality. But it is under one condition, whoever loses must disband. They cannot tag together at all. Whether that is in tag team matches, six-man tag matches or on a team at Bound by Blood. The only way you will ever share a ring is against each other. Thinking back to your unique history, that shouldn’t be an issue should it. It will just be another original twist in an original storyline that you guys came up with originally.” Kevin Owens – “Why you two are most kind. My buddy and I would like to thank you for accepting our challenge. We are going to enjoy this… you just wait and see my friends. Just wait and see…” Match #6 – Shinsuke Nakamura (w. Akira Tozawa) vs. Roderick Strong (w. Undisputed Era) Before the match occurs, a vignette is shown of the beat down that Nakamura and Tozawa inflicted upon UE when they tried to attack FTR. This is a fabulous match, full of counters and lots of attempts at submissions. Undisputed Era are like rabid dogs at ringside, constantly shouting advice and goading Nakamura and Tozawa. Tozawa remains silent. Nakamura swings his leg at Strong’s head, who ducks and rolls out of the ring looking concerned. Graves – “That would’ve taken his head clean off!” Ranallo – “Now, that’s why they’ve labelled themselves KurHO. They will literally Kick yoUR Head Off.” Strong takes control and starts delivering a range of backbreakers, but he is unable to keep Nakamura down for longer than a 2 count. The frustration builds and he makes a mistake of charging at Nakamura, who evades the charge and responds with a Pele kick. This provides some much-needed separation. Nakamura builds up some momentum and looks like he is going to hit The Kinshasa but reDragon storm the ring. Again, Nakamura dodges the incoming attack and lays waste to Fish while O’Reilly is taken care of by a vigilant Tozawa. Cole slides into pull Strong to the outside to give some time to recover. Nakamura lines up his finisher on Fish and plants him fiercely. He looks around everywhere but fails to see Strong get back into the ring behind him. Strong hits another backbreaker and covers Nakamura, with his feet on the rope for leverage. 1…2…3… Roderick Strong has managed to defeat Nakamura, albeit by cheating. Result – Roderick Strong (2-0) defeats Shinsuke Nakamura (1-1) via pinfall. Nakamura is incensed and squares up to the referee. He manages to calm himself and takes a deep breath, before Tozawa comes in the ring and pats him on the back. Shinsuke and Tozawa breathe deeply twice before sprinting off to attack Cole and Strong, who were celebrating carelessly in the corner. It is a strong beatdown and KurHO leave the ring with all four members of Undisputed Era hurt on the floor. Fish has not moved since taking the finisher. Match #7 – Rhea Ripley vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Sarah Logan Mickie James sits on commentary for this match and discusses Ripley’s attitude with the commentators. Ripley continues to demonstrate her cockiness and assuredness in this match, taking down Logan with ease while simply overpowering Bliss due to the size difference. Ripley takes offence to a rope break count by the referee when trying to pin Logan and starts pushing her finger into the official’s chest. Bliss steps in between them and berates Ripley for the lack of respect shown to the official. Bliss and Ripley stare daggers at each other as Logan lies on the outside of the ring recovering. Bliss and Ripley start scrapping with the size advantage helping Ripley. She hits a delayed vertical Suplex for a two count and then hits a second one – this time delaying it longer. She goes for the pinfall again and, again, takes exception to what she deems as a slow count. This time she fully pushes the referee, to which Mickie James stands up from commentary and starts arguing with Ripley. Sarah Logan brings a chair into the ring and swings it at Rhea’s back. There is a loud crack, but Ripley doesn’t buckle. Instead, she turns and sees the chair in her hands. She viciously beats down Logan and plants her with a thunderous DDT. She stands up and Mickie James is on the apron, criticising her having to use a weapon to take down one of her competitors. Meanwhile, behind Ripley’s back. Bliss crawls to the prone Logan and covers her for the victory. Ripley turns around, notices she has lost and is angry. James calmly gets down off the ring apron, waves at Ripley and walks away. Result – Alexa Bliss (1-1) defeats Sarah Logan (0-1) and Rhea Ripley (1-1) via pinfall. Main Event – Lio Rush and Apollo Crews vs. Buckshot (w. AJ Styles) Paul Heyman appears at the top of the ramp and has a microphone in hand. “Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman and I am the Chief Executive Office of Global Championship Wrestling. It has come to my attention that Mr Rush is pushing quite the vengeful agenda here on my programme. I would like to elaborate on GCW’s official position in regard to the hashtag #BlackLivesMatter. It is an apoplectic travesty that men and women that are black are subjected to the miscarriage of justice and harsh treatment on a day to day basis. There are many incidents that go unreported and, unfortunately, most cases are unheard of until they have a tragic ending. We do not condone any form of racism. That being said, I think it is important to reflect that the wrestling world is not a racist one. I, for one, do not see wrestlers based on the colour of their skin. I see wrestlers based on the content of their character. I hope Lio Rush understands our position and stops insinuating that all white men in powerful positions are racists.” Both teams are fired up, with Lio Rush being very vocal on the ring apron. He accuses them of being racist and securing the hacker’s abilities due to their mutual hatred of black people. Crews is wrestling differently to how he did in his debut match. He is more focused, more grapple heavy and there is more meat behind his punches. Crews is able to desecrate Karl Anderson and tags in Rush to continue the assault. The lights in the arena begin glitching and Lio Rush retreats to his corner. The lights go back to normal, but nothing is different. What it did provide was Anderson some time to recover and tag in Doc Gallows. Gallows lays waste to Rush, using the massive size difference to his advantage. Power move after power move has Rush wincing in pain and desperately trying to crawl for the tag. Styles is shouting instructions at his brothers and they are looking comfortable. The lights glitch again and this time, when they appear on, Crews has been attacked at ringside and is laying prone on the floor. Rush is now against Buckshot two versus one and is being punished heavily. AJ Styles is bent over Crews taunting him, when suddenly sparks start flying from the top of the ramp. Walking through the sparks, looking seriously peeved off, is Bobby Lashley. He has his eyes set on Buckshot and walks down the ramp slowly but with a purpose. Gallows and Anderson jump out of the ring and stand in front of Styles. Lashley stands ahead of them, smiles and slowly points at the ring. In the ring, Rush and Crews (who is bleeding from a facial cut) jump off of the top ropes and wipe out all three members of Buckshot. They roll Anderson back into the ring, hit a double team move (standing moonsault after a powerbomb) to win the match via pinfall. Result – Lio Rush and Apollo Crews (1-0) defeat Buckshot (w. AJ Styles) (2-1) via pinfall. Despite the victory, Buckshot are savagely attacked by Lio Rush, Bobby Lashley and Apollo Crews. Lashley hits three ferocious spears, which leave Anderson clutching his chest. Finally, standing with one foot on AJ Styles lifeless body, Lio Rush stands in between Bobby Lashley and Apollo Crews, who lift their right fists into the air. “All whom oppose us shall deal with the consequences. We are taking back what is ours. We have grown tired of playing by other people’s rules, now it is time for us to make our own rules. And we only have one rule, that’s to Fight the Power by any means necessary…” Developments for future shows World Heavyweight Championship Tournament 1. Xavier Woods 2. Shinsuke Nakamura 3. Braun Strowman 4. Roderick Strong 5. Jinder Mahal 6. AJ Styles 7. Kona Reeves 8. Bobby Lashley 9. Adam Cole 10. RVD 11. Heath Slater Tag Team Championship Final (to be held at Soul 4 Immortality) reDragon vs. Buckshot Holy Vengeance Championship Aleister Black (1-week reign, 30.06.20, 1 successful defence) Women’s Leaderboard 1. Mickie James, Ruby Riott, Lacey Evans (1-0) 2. Rhea Ripley, Alexa Bliss 3. Tamina, Lana, Dana Brooke, Sarah Logan, Liv Morgan (0-1) 4. Naomi (0-3) Women’s International Tag Team Championship Champions – The IIconics (3-week reign, 16.06.20)
2020.07.04 02:55 jjfishersDivorce final and ready to move on.
Monday marks the 1 year anniversary of catching the middle of the night ‘innocent’ Snapchat that altered the life of myself and my daughter forever. Against better judgment I’m sending this out to my friends to ‘celebrate’ and leave the mess she created for herself to clean up. Here is my almost final draft: Now that my divorce is final I feel it's in MY best interest to tell MY story and reach as many people as possible that may have had questions so that I don't have to spend the rest of 2020 speaking of something I'd prefer never talk about again. The dirty secret that has resulted in the most traumatic, stressful, dark, and painful period my life will ever endure is now my burden to bare as it is no longer my secret to keep. The theme of being somewhat aggressive is to counteract the general consensus that I should simply walk away, leave it alone, and let karma do whatever it does. So many out there will think this is me being petty or scorned or bitter. Yes I am bitter and I hope that anyone that lost their home, half their assets, and half their time with their child would feel bitter too. I decided I can't be treated any worse than I have since early December and have every email, letter, and text from everyone involved or consulted in this nightmare if the facts or timeline are ever questioned. If telling the truth about what I endured is vindictive then feel free to call me vindictive. I've been treated worse than I would even consider treating my worst enemies without an ounce of remorse, so after wasting 13 years in the prime of my life I'm choosing to handle this taking only my needs into consideration. Mila's mother has proven time after time that holding things in never to be discussed again is unhealthy and breeds more trauma. She has continued this vicious cycle her entire life and now she'll have the opportunity to further that cycle in the presence of Mila and I won't be there to counteract the damage. I refuse to let this cycle destroy an innocent and precious life that has no say in who her parents are. Had she taken her foot off my neck at some point between December and now I likely would have relented or been extremely scant on detail. Her ability to treat me beyond subhuman while acting like she's now 'living her best life' means she has learned nothing during this process. Maybe bringing this travesty to light will make her think about how she should treat others moving forward, maybe not. It's a chance I am willing to take since there is no more damage that can be done to me. Considering she showed zero remorse or sympathy to me for her actions it's safe to assume she's proud of who she has become so the truth should have no impact on her whatsoever. Unless you've spent 13 years with someone that CHOSE to have an affair and 'fall in love' with one of their married coworkers, spent over 3 months being gaslit to the point that you started going to therapy because you thought you were crazy, and not only continued but accelerated said affair after the first accusation, I don't need your advice on how I should simply 'let it go' or 'get over it'. When I discovered the first late night Snapchat and within a week was told 'You're ruining social media for me' I should have seen the writing on the wall. Unfortunately I was naive enough to believe unconditional love existed outside of a parent/child relationship. She used my blind trust, her new 'friends', and a work environment conducive to cheating to her advantage and fully succeeded without a care in the world until I found out the truth in early October. Unless your ex-spouse and her affair partner concocted a plan to normalize things by introducing themselves to each other's spouses and making comments about events such as wedding anniversaries or your child on social media my handling of this matter should be of no concern to you. On September 6th when Chris Beck decided to comment "Will you guys adopt me. She's livin the life" on a picture of Mila and I on Splash Mountain at Disney the final sacred boundary was crossed. He should count his blessings I've chosen to simply call him out publicly, even though characters like him feel no shame for the path of destruction their manipulation tactics leave behind. Unless you were led to believe your spouse was 'all in' on marriage after forgiving them for their betrayal at a 2 day marriage intensive in California where you spent countless hours learning how to properly communicate wants, needs, and conflicts I don't need to be told how I should handle my life moving forward. If there is one silver lining to this debacle it would have to be everything I've learned about not only myself but what it takes to be in a successful and fulfilling relationship thanks to Casey Caston with marriage365.org Unless you were treated subhuman and repeatedly kicked while you were down by someone that allegedly loved you I'll pass on your advice. That same person showed zero remorse or empathy for the obvious pain they knowingly inflicted upon me repeatedly making this disclosure necessary for me to move on with a little less disgust for the mother of my child. I can't say with certainty this won't scar Mila for life, but I will do everything in my power to protect her. Her emotional development over the next 10 years will be vital to her ability to constructively communicate with others, understand the importance of vulnerability and empathy, and develop healthy relationships with others for the rest of her life. She will understand the meaning of a moral compass and I can only hope that she'll grow older realizing how her treatment of others is a direct reflection of herself. It has become painfully obvious that I am the only person in Mila's life capable of developing her emotions and I embrace the challenge proudly. I've spent plenty of time dealing with each stage of grief and have discovered a lot about myself during this life changing and mind altering setback that has become the catalyst to defining who I am today and who I want to be moving forward. The ability to trust again will be a long uphill battle that I will hopefully conquer. After months of therapy, the 2 day marriage intensive, a lot of books, beginning the healing process, and a positive outlook on life I look forward to what the future has in store for Mila and I. I will never say that I was without fault in our relationship. I have recognized almost every single one of my flaws as I immediately chose to look within when this nightmare began. I can promise you I was way harder on myself than I'm being on anyone in this letter. So hard that I blamed myself for her affair and subsequent passive/aggressive behavior towards me. I thought reconciliation was possible in the beginning. When there was mention of my schedule in July '19 I made it a point to come home daily to eat as a family and spend more time around the house. So much in fact I was told I was home 'too much'. Obviously another one of the countless red flags I ignored. I was admittedly glued to electronics be it to the news, stock market, or researching our next family adventure. Once I was told I needed to be 'more present' I began to leave my phone in the car or drop my phone and iPad on their chargers when I got home to try being 'more present'. Unfortunately the damage was already done at that point and a relationship isn't a one way street. Regardless, I didn't give up, was focused on compromise, and addicted to learning what it took to be in a fulfilling relationship. Unfortunately reconciliation is doomed from the start when your partner is 'checked out', unwilling to embrace the process, getting advice from unsavory people, and busy secretly communicating nonstop with her 'friend'. If you've made it this far it's safe to assume you now understand the emotional roller coaster I've been on for almost a year now. Many of my posts during that time likely make more sense to you. As painful and emasculating as this journey has been I feel I have grown exponentially as a person. It ultimately has made me kinder, gentler, and more patient. I rarely let the small stuff bother me at all now as I have learned the importance of inner peace. I now embrace the belief that happiness is within and there is not one outside force that can determine our happiness or lack thereof. I became a firm believer in forgiveness after our marriage intensive in California. I embraced the concept and believed in the results. I forgave the affair and stand by that decision even knowing she's not remorseful for her actions. My forgiveness however doesn't mean that it didn't happen, it didn't scar me, and I'm obligated to simply 'let it go' to protect those that consciously participated. I have, however, chosen not to forgive the treatment and abuse I have received post marriage counseling until now. I've never been shown remorse for the treatment I've received. I've never once heard a 'how are you doing' or 'are you ok'? For all practical purposes I became dead to someone I trusted and loved and need to hold onto that as a reminder that moving forward I have to have boundaries and protect myself from those that mean me harm. Since they have chosen to quickly move on to their next adventure as their form of 'therapy' I'm choosing the best path for me and only me. We are no longer family and this is no longer a burden I'm responsible for carrying alone. For those out there that were in the inner circle of trust during this dark period of my life, I thank you for listening and simply being there. There are no words to describe the initial confusion of being blindsided with something so traumatic. There were months of mixed signals that filled me with either hope or despair. Having people to relay my experiences with made me feel confident I was doing the right thing regardless of the results. I will forever be indebted to you for your patience and understanding during my time of need. I do want to apologize to my family for not including them in the immediate circle. Since I fully believed forgiveness, time, and hard work would lead to reconciliation I didn't want you to have a negative opinion of someone that I still wanted in my life forever. I chose not to tell you so that we'd never have an uncomfortable family gathering and your opinion of our family remained positive for the sake of your amazing granddaughter. I was naive enough to believe she had honest intentions all the way up until January 2nd of this year and it took me almost a month to fully grasp the kind of person I was dealing with. The new me is a work in progress but I'm hopeful I will be proud of the results. Moving forward my focus will be squarely on Mila and my career. At some point in the future I will know when it is time to give love another chance. Until then I'm going to work on creating new traditions with Mila, be selfish for the first time in my life and spoil myself, and find a hobby or two that makes me happy. Today is officially the first day of the rest of my life and I'm glad I'm holding the pen to write a much happier story with an ending that I will always be in control of.
2020.06.25 22:08 OneWingedDevil28Great British Wrestling: Fight Club I
“Passion.” William Regal stands in the middle of the ring, a single spotlight shines on him as an intimate darkness surrounds him. “Over the years, we’ve seen a revolution. A resurgence. A transition from the likes of Giant Haystacks. Big Daddy. Kendo Nagasaki. We’ve seen trailblazers. We’ve seen hope, we have seen the rebirth of the British independent scene. And it’s time to stop seeing it. It’s now time to live in it. WELCOME TO GREAT BRITISH WRESTLING!” The lights lift, and a sold out crowd in Harringay Arena, London, cheer and celebrate the launch of GBW, also known as Great British Wrestling. The attention turns to the stage, where English-born band Frank Carter and the Rattlesnakes perform the theme song for GBW’s weekly show, Fight Club, called “Fire.” Our commentary team of Nigel McGuinness and Stu Bennett welcome us to the first episode of GBW: Fight Club. We go through our card for the night, which is presented on the titantron for the fans in attendance. The card includes a first round match in the GBW World Championship tournament, Pete Dunne vs Mark Haskins, and our main event for the GBW Prodigy Championship, where Will Ospreay will collide with Nick Aldis. “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a sixty minute time limit, and it is a first round match in the Great British Wrestling World Championship tournament!” The London fans explode for the arrival of the Bruiserweight! This man has carried British Wrestling for the past few years, and he is a certain favourite to become the inaugural champion at GBW’s first PPV event in just two months time. Pete Dunne makes a grand entrance, as he looks to kick off his Great British Wrestling campaign with a huge win against Mark Haskins. The latter makes his entrance, to a polarizing crowd reaction. He gets into the ring, we get through introductions, the bell rings and our first ever GBW match is underway! GBW World Championship Tournament – Pete Dunne vs Mark Haskins Dunne and Haskins have a methodical start to the match, as the crowd ease into the high-octane action of Great British Wrestling. Dunne backs Haskins up against the ropes, Dunne opts to move away in an act of fairness, but Haskins slaps Dunne and takes advantage, he goes for a quick roll-up pin, Dunne kicks out but Haskins maintains the advantage as he takes Dunne down with a leg sweep and transitions smoothly into a side headlock, he taunts to the crowd as they rally Dunne to get to his feet, he does so, irish whip, on the rebound, Dunne connects a dropkick as Haskins falls to the outside! Dunne rebounds off the ropes, going for a suicide dive, but Haskins leaps up onto the apron and clubs Dunne with a knee, he connects the Sunset Flip, Dunne’s shoulders are down, he kicks out, Haskins goes for a PK Kick, Dunne rolls out of it, he finds himself in a position to hit Bitter End, he goes for it, but Haskins slides out as the two men reach deadlock. The match devolves into a great way to open the first episode of GBW: Fight Club, in a significant spot in the match, Dunne goes for a Bittter End, he launches Haskins into the air, who grabs the outstretched arm of Dunne, and TRANSITIONS INTO AN ARMBAR! A fantastic counter, Dunne finds himself in a precarious position, however, the Bruiserweight uses his initiative, he breaks the grip by snapping one of the fingers of Haskins. Both men get to their feet, Dunne connects a sit out powerbomb for a near fall. The two exchange strikes, Haskins begins to charge up some momentum, he rallies himself, goes for a lariat, but Dunne ducks under it, Haskins rebounds off the ropes and falls into a german suplex from Dunne, he goes for another suicide dive to a retreated Haskins, this time he slides into the ring, Dunne telegraphs it and rebounds off the ropes, Haskins connects a Death Valley Driver, he connects the Armbar but transitions BEAUTIFULLY into a Crossface! Dunne is able to get to the ropes as his hopes stay alive, Haskins urges Dunne to his feet, he goes for the Star Kick, Dunne dodges, he connects a thunderous forearm, Haskins is stunned, the Bruiserweight lifts him, BITTER END! He goes for the cover, 1…2…3! Pete Dunne def. Mark Haskins (22 minutes) What a way to kick off GBW, as Pete Dunne advances to the second round of the World Championship tournament, defeating a solid opponent in Mark Haskins. Dunne celebrates, he extends a handshake offer to Haskins, who contemplates before shaking Dunne’s hand. The Bruiserweight goes to exit the ring… Haskins pulls him back in, and plants him with a Cradle to the Grave! Haskins begins to beat Dunne down with forearms, a vicious post-match assault as the fans give Haskins nuclear heat. He continues the beatdown, tag team partner Robbie X joining in on the act. Eventually, Tyler Bate and Trent Seven run in! Robbie X and Mark Haskins slide out of the ring and retreat as Bate and Seven tend to Dunne, the fans cheering for the arrival of two of the most influential figures in British wrestling. Dunne, Seven and Bate stand tall, Pete Dunne advancing to the second round of the tournament after a thrilling match with Mark Haskins, and a potential tag team match between Moustache Mountain and Haskins/Robbie X in the works. Our next match is set to show off the wide array of fantastic women’s talent at Great British Wrestling, as Jamie Hayter is set to face off with one half of the Medusa Complex, Charlie Evans. Both women make their entrances, Evans accompanied by her tag team partner, Millie McKenzie. The bell rings, and the second match of the night begins, women’s division action. Jamie Hayter vs Charlie Evans These two women have a good back and forth match, Hayter portraying a more heel-ish role while Evans gains the support of the crowd as she tries to get her first win in GBW. During her comeback, Evans hits a diving crossbody to the outside, she gets Hayter back in the ring and locks in a Cattle Mutilation, in which Hayter is able to get out of and plant Evans with a Backbreaker for a near fall. The match progresses, Evans goes for a Swipe Left, but Hayter gets out of it. She pushes Evans into the ref, before reaching for a pair of brass knuckles, but McKenzie stops her. Hayter falls into a superkick attempt from Evans, she connects, she goes for a Snapmare Driver, however Hayter gets out of it, SNAPMARE DRIVER! She goes for the cover, 1…2…3! Jamie Hayter def. Charlie Evans (6 minutes) Hayter pulls away a huge win here on the first episode of GBW: Fight Club, she celebrates cheekily as Evans quickly recovers, aided by tag partner Millie McKenzie. As Hayter poses on the ramp, McKenzie points to her and says that she’s coming after her. Nevertheless, Jamie Hayter is able to come away with a win in the first match of the women’s division. One of the most talented technical wrestlers in the world. Ever since the creation of Great British Wrestling, this man has been on the radar as a must-sign talent! Zack Sabre Jr poses on the ramp, one of the largest signings for this brand to date. Zack Sabre Jr has been on the rise, dominating in promotions such as RevPro, and even New Japan Pro Wrestling. Sabre goes halfway down the ramp, before stopping and looking towards the entrance way. It’s the Grizzled Young Veterans! James Drake and Zack Gibson, the inaugural NXT UK Tag Team Champions, finalists of the 2020 Dusty Rhodes Tag Classic, these two are brash, aggressive, and have unmatched synergy as a duo. Gibson, Drake and Sabre Jr go down to the ring, looking towards the fans and the camera menacingly. “Zack Sabre Jr! The Grizzled Young Veterans! We will know be known as Union Zack!” the fans cheer the announcement of the new trio. “When I was first signed to GBW, I looked at the roster, and I thought ‘What a bunch of twats.’ However, once I found out that THE BEST tag team in English wrestling had been signed, I saw it as somewhat of a match made in heaven!” Zack Sabre Jr gains heat from the crowd as James Drake and Zack Gibson tail him, he solidifies the existence of the faction and warns the locker room, Union Zack are going to become the strongest entity in GBW. Having made their message, Union Zack exit the ring and go up the ramp, posing to the fans as the new faction has been created on the first episode of Fight Club. We go backstage as backstage interviewer Radzi asks British Strong Style about the altercation with Robbie X and Mark Haskins earlier in the night. Trent Seven does the talking, as he says that if Robbie X and Mark Haskins want to face British Strong Style, they can. But it will be within the confines of the squared circle, with the referee and the fans, and they’re going to duel it out like men. The focus then turns to Pete Dunne, who is asked about advancing in the tournament, and either facing Kip Sabian or the Bastard, Pac, in the next round. Dunne says that no matter who it is, they’re going to just be another speck in the path of glory for the Bruiserweight. Our next match is to show off some of the lower card talent in the division, or some talent that may not be recognised as well. Flash Morgan Webster collides with Paul Robinson in singles action here on the first episode of GBW: Fight Club. This is to be the first in a best-of-three series that is to span the first three weeks of GBW Television. Flash Morgan Webster vs Paul Robinson Both men have a fast-paced matchup, not pulling out all of the big moves, remaining conservative and smart in their approach as it is a best-of-three series, so both men will have to think tactically. They have a respectable match-up, Morgan Webster getting the huge backing from the crowd while Robinson uses taunting and more heel-associated antics as the fans begin to learn about two of the most underrated talents in all of Great British Wrestling. Despite Webster’s desperate attempts at a win, he is able to execute a fast paced comeback, but Paul Robinson is able to roll him up and pull away a lucky win in the first match of their best-of-three. Paul Robinson def. Flash Morgan Webster (8 minutes) Robinson slides out of the ring, chuckling to himself, as he comes away with the huge win tonight, putting him within arm’s length of winning the best-of-three series and becoming the first number one contender to the Prodigy Championship, which its inaugural champion will be crowned later tonight, when Will Ospreay collides with Nick Aldis in our main event. In our next segment, Isla Dawn cuts a promo in the ring, commenting on her desire to win the GBW Women’s Championship. She is rudely interrupted by Jinny, who downplays Dawn. Both of these women are then interrupted by Tegan Nox, who receives a good pop, saying that she is rightfully the ace of the women’s division and she would be happy to show down with anyone who thinks they have what it takes. Bea Priestly is the next out, claiming that for so long, she has been underrated, and it’s time for her to finally step into the spotlight. The final person to step out, NXT UK Women’s Champion, Kay Lee Ray, makes the claim that she has been at the peak of her division for ages now and nobody has been able to hold her down. Amidst all of the arguing and chaos, GM of the women’s division, Paige, comes out, and says that in two weeks, all of the women in the ring will compete in a gauntlet match to decide the first ever GBW Women’s Champion, a huge announcement on the first episode of Fight Club! The next match is a preview of the World Championship tournament matches that are arranged for the coming weeks, as we see two unlikely pairings: Pac and Drew McIntyre face Noam Dar and Kip Sabian. Everyone makes their entrance, Pac receiving a decent pop, while McIntyre receives arguably the biggest pop of the night. Pac and Drew McIntyre vs Noam Dar and Kip Sabian The story of the match is the question of which team can synergise the best. McIntyre and Pac have communication issues, while Dar and Sabian work relatively well as a team. In the coming weeks, all of these men will face off with eachother for a chance to compete for the GBW World Championship at the first PPV in two months’ time. Each competitor in the match plays a different role – Noam Dar is the sleazy, likeable figure. Kip Sabian is the high flying babyface. Pac is the dirty heel and Drew McIntyre is the titan. In predictable fashion, McIntyre and Pac dominate the majority of the match, McIntyre hits a Future Shock DDT on Sabian, then hitting a Claymore Kick on Dar and tagging in Pac, who hits a Red Arrow and follows it up with a Brutalizer, as Sabian taps out. Pac and Drew McIntyre def. Noam Dar and Kip Sabian (13 minutes) Each man argues with eachother after the match, about the match’s result, and also the fact that they’re facing off against each other in the coming weeks. It ends with McIntyre hitting a Claymore Kick on his opponent, Noam Dar, while Pac and Sabian brawl into the crowd, adding some stakes to their impeding first round tournament clash. A vignette airs for one of GBW’s new signees, Cara Noir. The Black Swan of British Wrestling looks to prove himself on a large scale, as he will debut on next week’s show to prove to everyone why he has a place in the locker room. Cara Noir is a mysterious figure, and no one quite understands the man, but he always has tricks up his sleeve and he’s a difficult opponent to understand. How will he fare in GBW? “This main event match, scheduled for one fall with a sixty minute time limit, is for the Great British Wrestling Prodigy Championship!” the London fans pop for the nights main event, as a classic of a match is guaranteed between two men that will be figureheads of the GBW brand. The fan favourite! The Aerial Assassin! One of the best wrestlers in the world! Multiple time winner of the annual Best of Super Junior Tournament. Former NEVER Openweight Champion. Multiple time IWGP Junior Heavyweight Champion. Will Ospreay is a household name, and he receives a fantastic reception from the fans here tonight, as he looks to become GBW’s first Prodigy Champion. His opponent has been the cornerstone behind the NWA brand for years now. It seems to be a recurring theme. Wherever Nick Aldis goes, he makes it his own. Impact Wrestling. NWA. And now, it could be Great British Wrestling. Aldis thinks he should be competing for the World Championship, and it’s a travesty that he’s competing for the Prodigy Championship. The best way to back that up, is a win tonight. We get through the ring introductions and the bell rings, the first ever GBW Fight Club main event! Will Ospreay vs Nick Aldis for the GBW Prodigy Championship Ospreay and Aldis shake hands before backing up into their respective corners. In the early going, Ospreay is insistent on utilising his breakneck offence and immense speed to his advantage has he overwhelms Aldis, this is a pace Ospreay has to maintain if he wants to keep Aldis on the backfoot. Ospreay goes for an early Os-cutter, Aldis pushes him away, he goes for a roll-up pin, Ospreay reverses it into one of his own, kick out, Aldis floors Ospreay into a rest hold as he is able to seamlessly change the momentum to benefit himself, a more methodical and slower pace. The contrast between these two styles is a major point in the match, as Ospreay has spurts of offense while Aldis gets a good share of the offense in. Ospreay goes for a Pip Pip Cheerio, Aldis ducks under, Ospreay lands and rolls, he is met with an uppercut followed by a perfect Michinoku Driver for a near fall. Ospreay mounts up a comeback, eventually dropkicking Aldis to the outside of the ring and hitting a Sasuke Special to the delight of the crowd. Back inside the ring, he hits a 450 Splash for a near fall. Ospreay goes for the Stormbreaker, but he is not able to lift Aldis, who instead gets out of it, neckbreaker, he ascends to the top rope, supposedly going for his signature elbow drop, however Ospreay springs to his feet, HURRICANRANA FROM THE TOP ROPE, THE FANS GET UP TO THEIR FEET TO APPLAUD BOTH MEN FOR THIS EXCELLENT MATCH! More than anything else, the overarching theme of this match is just a well-told story with selling and good, flawless wrestling on display of all sorts. Aldis goes for a Diving Crossbody, but Ospreay rolls through and in a huge feat of strength, he connects a Fallaway Slam. He goes for a Hidden Blade, but Nick Aldis moves out of the way, he locks in the CLOVERLEAF! KING’S LYNN LOCKED IN! For minutes, Ospreay struggles, flails, but he has no choice but to ta-, no, he is able to break free from it, he continually elbows Aldis, he launches himself off the ropes, OS-CUTTER! Aldis is staggered, he falls into the grasp of Ospreay, the fans going wild, STORM BREAKERRRRR! He goes for the cover, 1…2…3! Will Ospreay def. Nick Aldis (19 minutes) We have our first ever GBW Prodigy Champion! The bell rings to signal the end of the match and Ospreay’s triumphant music sounds, as he is crowned the first ever GBW Prodigy Champion here in London tonight. The fans rise to their feet, cheering and applauding Ospreay for winning this fantastic Fight Club main event, a huge achievement for the Aerial Assassin. After the match, Ospreay and Aldis shake hands yet again, a sign of respect, a standard that has been set for the rest of the matches for the title. Aldis is respectful in defeat, while Ospreay is proud in victory. To end the first episode of Great British Wrestling Fight Club, he defeats Nick Aldis to win the GBW Prodigy Championship! RESULTS GBW World Championship Tournament First Round - Pete Dunne def. Mark Haskins (22 minutes) Jamie Hayter def. Charlie Evans (6 minutes) Paul Robinson def. Flash Morgan Webster (8 minutes) Pac and Drew McIntyre def. Noam Dar and Kip Sabian (13 minutes) GBW Prodigy Championship – Will Ospreay def. Nick Aldis (19 minutes)
Well, folks, where shall I start? My first post is going to be a long one. Tl;dr at bottom. I don't like kids. I can count on one hand the kids that have not made me uncomfortable. I don't wish any harm on them but they just get on my nerves so bad. Yet for most of my life I was open to the idea of having my own - IF they were special. I didn't know what a bingo was at the time, but I guess my brain was subconsciously bingo'ing me with the old "it's different when they're your own" line. No. I don't think so. I'm childfree. I don't just mean I have some misgivings. I'm talking childfree as in every single part of human reproduction other than sex repulses me. As in the end of The Handmaid's Tale was woefully unsatisfying because after witnessing that debacle I NEEDED to see the horror that was Gilead destroyed. As in I see the desire to be a mother as a form of self-harm on par with cutting, drug use, bulimia, or surgical addiction. As in I cannot watch someone I love do this to herself. And I can't be with someone who wants babies but gives up that dream the way a person might give up a drug addiction to save their relationship either. I don't want being with me to be about giving up your dreams. And valuing a screaming crotch goblin so much that you're willing to brutalize your body and give up your freedom for life is just too creepy. So there we are. Childfree or nothing. Does that mean I'm single for life? With that and my other requirements, maybe. Probably. So what else is new? Yeah, I'm that serious. Before I realized this, the other condition was that ABSOLUTELY NO NATURAL CHILDBIRTH could be involved. What a con that phrase is! The word 'natural' has positive connotations of being somehow purer, uncorrupted. Well, I guess so, if you appreciate the finer points of darkness and horror. I was forced, without my knowledge and against my will, into an affiliation with this horror. My mom opted for natural childbirth. And then, having experienced it once, she did the same thing with my brother. ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? So anyway, I thought I could be with a woman who was willing to reproduce if and only if she was completely unwilling to experience anything remotely resembling natural childbirth. Not so much. My ideal woman is childfree. This is an absolute requirement. As a misanthrope I'm fully aware that my ideal woman is not most people's cup of tea. Many characteristics that society tries to brainwash us into seeing as highly desirable in a significant other are dealbreakers for me. Many characteristics that society tells us are undesirable are exactly what I want. So when I decided she would have to be childfree (didn't know the word for it at the time), I fully expected that this would not be something society as a whole would approve of. I had no idea. When I discovered childfree and began perusing it, I was blown away by the sheer magnitude of society's cult-like obsession with breeding. In portraying this, The Handmaid's Tale was dead on. Blind animal instinct meets religious hysteria, and let the bodies fall where they may. This horrific nightmare is actually celebrated; actually viewed as something all right-thinking women will welcome. "Honey, I have wonderful news...there's an alien inside me! You're going to be a daddy!" "Oh darling, that's wonderful! When does he come out?" "In the spring. I can't wait to tell our friends; they're going to be so happy! It's so exciting! I'm going to come home all stitched up and diapered, my nipples will be all sore and cracked, we can kiss our money goodbye for the next 18 years unless we win the lottery, I get to be a miserable slave to a screaming alien, and the best part, honey...it's a small chance, but I might never feel it when we have sex again!" "Oh darling, isn't life wonderful? I love you so much!" EXCUSE...THE...FUCK...OUT...OF...ME???!! How dare anyone expect us to be okay with this? How dare they tell us we're somehow misguided or morally deficient if our hopes and dreams don't revolve around this? Rage, ladies and gentlemen. I feel rage. Rage for every person who has been bingoed incessantly, or even just a little bit. Rage against every insufferable doctor who has ever refused to sterilize someone because surely you'll want kids someday, as if a fucking stranger knows you better than you know yourself. Rage against everyone who has ever dismissed a woman's valid concerns about the horrible torture she faces or the potential loss of her beauty as shallow or selfish. The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Be shallow. Be selfish. Be immature. If it saves you from that nightmare, great! You don't need anyone's approval for your reasons for not wanting kids. Any reason. You don't even have to give anyone a reason, let alone an explanation for it. If they don't like your decision that's just too damn bad. Because of having minimal human contact I have been spared the usual onslaught of bingos. In fact, I think one half-hearted bingo from my mom may be all I've been exposed to. But I am constantly mystified by what gluttons for punishment humans are. They rush toward the cliff of reproduction like lemmings and look at anyone who doesn't join them like that person is crazy. They embrace the whole package, when if I was a woman, just one of the drawbacks of pregnancy and childbirth would make me say no. Just one. Bulge in the stomach? No. Stretch marks? No. Morning sickness? No. Vaginal tears? Nonononono! See where I'm going with this? If any of these things, or any of the other myriad horrors of childbirth were the ONLY drawback, the whole reproduction/childraising experience gets a hard pass from me. All together? That's a very hard no. I have no desire to raise a kid. Because it doesn't even end with birth. Then there the baby is. Helpless. Totally dependent on you for everything. EVERYTHING. No. Just...no. I'm not changing diapers. I'm not feeding a messy baby. I'm not riding herd on the little animal to make sure it doesn't kill itself with household appliances before it's a year old. I'm not living through the screaming and the sleepless nights and the terrible two's. I'm not watching my significant other do these things. We're just not going there. If that makes us immature, so be it. If that means we'll never be complete, so be it. What would be the point of finding her just to watch our relationship turn into a sick joke? I care more about her beauty and her peace of mind than her ability to squeeze out crotch goblins I don't want. I want to see her with manicured nails and soft shiny hair and a beautiful hourglass figure, not dead tired with sprung ribs and a spit-up rag over her shoulder. If that makes me shallow, I don't give a fuck. We'll be sane. We'll be happy. You can keep the rest. I have no desire to meet my future son or daughter. The odds are astronomical against my even liking them. And if by some miracle I do turn out to love them - then what? I have to watch them struggle and suffer and try to make some kind of sense out of this soul-crushing, dream-killing travesty we call a world. I hated school. Hated it. Where do all kids go? And that's just the beginning. I don't want to hear the patter of little feet. The sound of children playing drives me nuts. I don't think babies are cute. Many baby animals are cute, but baby humans? I look at them and I feel nothing. They say the sound of a baby crying is designed to attract humans. It repels me. I can't listen to it for ten seconds without getting angry. If I found an abandoned baby, sure, I'd take it to safety - all the while praying it would shut up. Because of being a misanthrope, I would have unfair expectations for my kid. Unless they're that one-in-a-million special snowflake, I would consider them a failure and a disappointment. I would resent them for things that weren't their fault. I'm not parent material. And I don't care. I have zero interest in making any personality changes. What I will do is not take the plunge. Not bring them here so I can join the rest of the world in failing them. People who do that - they're the irresponsible ones. Tl;dr: I don't like or want kids. I'm horrified by the whole reproduction/child-rearing experience and I refuse to participate in it. I will have a childfree partner or no one. I'm fully prepared to be single for life if that's what this means. Edit: my 1st award on my 2nd day, thanks friend
XPWEW Xtreme Rumble 2020 April 26th 2020 Denver, Colorado Denver Coliseum SHOW OPENS WITH PYROTECHNICS We are introduced to tonight’s commentary team of Kaitlyn Khaos and Nick Simmonds and they run down the card and explain the importance that is the Xtreme Rumble match and it gives the winner a golden ticket to be in the main event of the biggest event in XPWEW history: Lockdown 7 on May 23rd, 2020 in the platinum shimmering city of Dubai on the waterfront now let’s kick it over to James Westerbeck at ringside bell rings James Westerbeck: The following contest is a TABLES MATCH! The rules of this contest are You must put you opponent through a table!
Joe Gacy enters holding both tag team titles (Commentary explains how this match came to be, When Solomon Nasty appeared plucked from nowhere and wanted to be Joe Gacy’s tag team champion partner despite not impressing Gacy for the last month on Friday Night Pyro and now the ultimate challenge awaits Soloman, Gacy’s favorite matchup. A tables match.
Solomon Nasty enters
Tables Match 1 on 1 M1: Joe Gacy defeats Solomon Nasty
General Manager Romeo Roselli enters and walks down to ringside turns the corner and walks up to the timekeeper and grabs both Tag Team Titles. Gacy looks perplexed and a bit heated.
Romeo Roselli: Joe it’s been 30 days since Brodie Croyle was injured and you were asked at my discretion I’ll admit, you were unable to find a tag team partner so I am going to be stripping you of the XPWEW Tag Team Championships! (Crowd yells)
Gacy: Why.....Why...Where are the articles of confederation when you need them (shuffling trying to grab the belts tucked in Romeo’s left arm)
Romeo: But Joe I’m not leaving you in the dark. As successful and Plagueground was for the past 6 months that era must come to an end, pending injury and inability to find a replacement but Joe. I’m a fair GM. You are in line for these belts, That’s right Joe I’m making you the Number One Contender! BUT I took the liberty upon myself to find you a replacement because since YOU can’t seem to do that. I did it for you. So meet your new tag team partner
Audrey Carbine enters
((Joe Gacy blows the hair out of his face kinda groaning at the thought of Audrey being his new tag team partner)) ((Joe Gacy jerks the mic out of Romeo’s hand)) Joe Gacy: THIS? She’s a woman, She’s weak, She’s vulnerable and to me, a wrestler who has applied his craft all over the world!! This is an insult To me and No, No I will ((Audrey Carbine power walks right up to Gacy’s face)) Audrey Carbine: “Shut up Pussy” (crowd ooohs)) Audrey Carbine: “I was a highly ranked official in the American Army for 8 years and I served four tours in iRaq while you sat on your ass playing Modern Warfare (crowd oohs again) I’m not too excited on being your partner myself but I’ve been itching for a fight since I got here and you’ve just been itching for relevancy Joe admit it (crowd oohs) The Tag Team division in xpwew is weak and that’s one trait that I’m not. So you’re either gonna hate me or you’re gonna tolerate me but together we’re gonna be The Death Machines Joe Gacy: “Audrey, you .....I gotta singles career to focus tonight in the Xtreme Rumble” (crowd reacts mixed) Backstage Segment: Troy Clausen standing with two unnamed women (just pretty faces to spin the tumbler) Troy Clausen: Ladies tonight my son Champagne Clausen is going to be entering at the number 29 right? Lol yeah we’ll See I hired this other guy named (gibberish) - The Set walks in (Myron, Kotto and Jordan) Jordan: “Woahhh T-Roy Clausen Whatup Dogg Troy: “Vibin’ pimps, Vibin’” Jordan: Myron? Myron: Yessir! Jordan: Tonight is one of them special nights you know cause look at the probability Me, You, Kotto, Ruckus we got 4 chances of winning this whole shit and turning Lockdown to SetDown Kotto: Aha! I mean how they gon’ act when young Kotto Brazil pull up and win the rumble you feel me, I see the hate tho I love it love (The Set all joking around) Jordan: - (((Jacques Dudley waltzes in and just goes straight to picking his number and before he’s about to leave))) Jordan: Oh look who it is, Croissant Dudley LOL you grabbing another number for D-Von (The Set snickering) Jacques: Hmm Nice joke Ellen, You giving away a car next? Jordan: Man Shut your punk ass up before I slap you around in that ring tonight Busta ((Myron and Kotto react to their numbers with a “Meh so so” reaction)) Myron and Kotto: What you got J? What you got? Jordan: ((((I don’t know,,,Nah nah nah Jacques you trade me?)))) Jacques: ppfft trades numbers (((Both open at the same time)) Jacques reacts “WOW Thanks Jordan, see ya out there Jordan: (under his breath: Pfft Fuck outta my face) Myron and Kotto looking over his shoulder Jordan opens up his number ((Myron and Kotto start looking at each other )))( Jordan: Maaaaan this whole shit whack man what damn number he then then? Man shit The Set walks away Tumbler Girl #1: Wow what number did he get? Troy: 4 Tumbler Girl #2: How do you know? Troy: Magic
Jacques Dudley enters
Jordan Oliver enters with Siaka Lexoni
XPWEW Juniorweight Championship 1 on 1 M2: Jordan Oliver def. Jacques Dudley After one hellacious closing back and forth of reversals Jordan turning Jacquesms spinwill armdrag into a tombstone piledriver for the 1-2-3 and Jordan Oliver is still the xpwew Juniorweight champion Backstage Segment:
Garrett Thompson and Ethan Bedlam are in their reading their numbers and Slayer walks in with Rosemary and Lotus
Troy: Not gonna speak Slayer Slayer: looks at Troy and leaves - Leonard McGraw enters bumping Slayer’s shoulder intentionally Leonard: Is something funny? Garrett: Yeah as a matter of fact it is, Look at you walking in here lookin bloody ridiculous with that stupid hat Leonard: You don’t like my hat? Garrett: Well quite frankly Leo its a bit worn out it looks like a damn travesty, What is that a fish hook? You are one putrid Longfellow Leonard: I like to fish. I like to hunt. I like Wayne Newton. Is that a problem? Garrett: I don’t care what you do in your spare time living in a trailer park Leonard: Garrett Thompson you big sum bitch. I said I like to hunt. I don’t play games. You are game. You, Ethan Bustass over there you’re game. Y’all some bucks to me. 10 pointer and he’s bout a 4 pointer. I’m looking for ya out there in the rumble and I’m taking your sorry ass out of misery because it’s open season on the xpwew locker room and I’m fixing to cook something to eat. Now Garrett what’s so funny....... Leonard and Garrett lock eyes ((Garrett walks away)) ((Leonard McGraw grabs a number and winks at the tumbler girls) Leonard: Now What the fuck we got going on, Are any good numbers left Stretch? Troy: Gotta be something Leonard Leonard: Ah shit ima just dig down in the bottom and grab two of these here and let you pretty ladies pick one of em’ which one darling? ((Tumbler Girl #2 picks the left)) Leonard: “Oh sweet Jesus this better be a good one. If it’s bout 25 I’ll kiss ya on the lips let me see ((Opens number) Leonard: Fuck! Godamnit to hell. (Leonard locks the number back up and throws it back in the tumbler) (Leonard storms off) Troy looks pissed he ruined the sanctity of this rumble
Brutus The Barber Beefcake enters with a staff worker pushing the chair and barber shop utensils down to ringside
James Westerbeck: The following contest is for the xpwew women’s championship and it will be contested in a Hair Match The winner of this match will shave the loser’s hair bald
Prisiclla Kelly enters
Kiera Hogan with Brian Lee enters
XPWEW World Women’s Championship Hair vs Hair 1 on 1 M3: Prisiclla Kelly defeats Kiera Hogan AND NEW!!!!! Xpwew Women’s Champion Prisiclla Kelly! After the match Brian Lee tries to grab Kiera and escape but Priscilla is able to rub him down and grab the kendo stick used against her earlier in the match and whack Brian Lee at the knees then repeatedly whack him across the back until he pleas up the ramp - Brutus The Barber Beefcake secures Kiera Hogan at ringside who’s kicking and screaming to squirm her way out of this Prisiclla taunts with Brutus’ shears and then cuts a huge chunk of Kiera’s weave The Prisiclla takes her time cutting big chunks with small scissors for a while (((Is Kiera Hogan crying?))) Prisiclla then takes the heavy duty hair clippers and does a streak down the middle of Kiera’s head and we now see scalp of the former women’s champ ((Kiera screaming)) Prisiclla then quickly keeps going over and over until Kiera is left bald - Priscilla grabs her title and laughs up the ramp - Brutus let’s Kiera go Kiera is sobbing uncontrollably and doing a fit at ringside and during her rage she grabs a hold of Nick Simmonds shirt and says “This is your fa-ha ha ha hault” Ad: Golden Bryce BANG Energy Ad: Lockdown 7 is 27 days away We swing it back to commentary and Kaitlyn Khaos reviews what we’ve seen tonight from Joe Gacy being stripped of the tag team titles and Audrey Carbine being appointed by GM Romeo Roselli as his new partner then we seen Jordan Oliver and Jacques Dudley tear the house down and we just witness Kiera Hogan being humiliated by Prisiclla Kelly as she lost her title then was shaved BALD and coming up next to world heavyweight champion Golden Bryce just has one more hurdle to cross and he will be going into Lockdown for the 2nd year in a row as world champion
VIDEO PACKAGE : All Man vs Golden Bryce feud history
All Man with All Woman enters
Golden Bryce enters
XPWEW World Heavyweight Championship 1 on 1 M4: Golden Bryce (c) defeats All Man w/ All Woman ((All Man put up a fight and didn’t come across as weak as he did during their Flirting With Disaster PPV match last February the match ended when All Man had to match in his favor but when on the to rope looking for a Super-Plex he hyperextended his leg and landed on the ropes completely falling crotch first between the ropes (he oddly backed himself up to about the middle). All Man stood straddling the ropes with his crotch there long enough for Bryce to regain composure jump off the top rope and hit a very very awkward crooked version of the 6 rings. All Man gets untangled in the ropes and Bryce gets up yanks him out the ropes and pins him 1-2-3 Odd finish, Unique finish but the crowd really was expecting a kick out so the response was delayed. Just a weird match AND STILL XPWEW WORLD CHAMPION: GOLDEN BRYCE (Please refer to this post for the remainder of this event with the full entry/elimination breakdown of the 2020 Xtreme Rumble match))
2020.04.09 06:24 koccsalbabaMy idea for a FNAF movie plot.
so this is my idea for a plot of a FNAF movie. ideally id love to see it directed by todd phillipa after seeing joker. this plot includes a commonly theorized possible timeline, so if it was wrong it would obv alter accordingly. i looked around at alot of timelines and they all follow a pretty similar order of events so i just picked what makes logical sense. some names are just fan made and some are canon. the movie would b long but ideally it would be paced well. shoot for like 2 hrs 15-30 mins? which is ab how long Joker was and it sucked you win, so ideally with todd phillips in the director’s seat it would be just so engaging. the film would be william and henry meeting, to developing their company, to their declining relationship leading to william snapping and becoming a murderer (while it is cemented that hes always been unhinged, events push him over the edge). i think a character study on william, henry, and their families that lead to events like the murders, elizabeth and CC’s death, etc. leading all the way to the tragic/sweet end where the souls all get to rest in the end would be so tragic and sad yet so emotionally powerful if done right (which is why todd phillips doing this in a joker-style film would be so amazing). so anyways.. “Freddy’s” Directed by Todd Phillips, written by Todd Phillips, Chris Columbus and Scott Cawthon. In 1960, William Afton sits reading a book about robotics at college. He begins digging a pencil in his arm, as a tear rolls down his cheek. Henry Emily, another robotics major, walks through the University lawn, to his class. Henry is pursuing a major in robotics and a minor in business. He trips and drops his books, where William arrives and helps them. They introduce themselves to each other, with William stating he is also a Robotics major. The two quickly become friends. In college, William meets Laura and Henry meets Dana, and they all start dating their respective girls. In 1970, they all marry and Laura falls pregnant with a son. However, after college William and Henry drift apart to settle their own families and pursue careers. In 1974, Henry and William run into each other at a bar and catch up. William presents Henry with sketches of two cartoon character animatronics, called Fredbear and Bonnie. William states he has drafted a business plan in which he will open a restaurant geared towards children entertainment using animatronic characters. William asks if Henry will become his business partner and help create the animatronics, to which Henry agrees. William begins to settle with his family, and Henry and his wife begin talking of having a child as well. The pair open Fredbear’s Family Diner next year, with Henry developing a system called springlocks that make animatronic suits wearable. The two celebrate their success back at Henry’s. When William violently crushes a cockroach, startling Henry, he explains that he was raised by an abusive father and a mostly absent mother, which created violent tendencies. He tells Henry that he uses medications, therapy and meditation to help overcome his tendencies, to which Henry talks about how he was raised in a broken family as well. They bond closer over their pasts. The restaurant is a success, however the pair become more ambitious. They begin developing more characters, where they come up with Freddy Fazbear, Chica the Chicken, Foxy The Pirate Fox, and new version of Bonnie the Bunny. Henry becomes more celebrated due to him frontlining many of the business and animatronic aspects, causing William to be overshadowed. William’s new designs and plans become rejected by a growing power-hungry Henry, which causes William to grow more resentful of him. They develop Chica’s Party World, mostly pioneered by Henry. Laura falls pregnant with a daughter, who they name Elizabeth. William becomes more apprehensive towards springlock suits, as they continue having issues with them. At Chica’s Party World, an employee gets injured by the suit, causing panic. William arrives and argues with Henry, stating that they will eliminate springlocks. Henry reluctantly agrees. Laura and William go to his therapy appointment, where they argue about his stress over the business. He tells his therapist that he is having more and more violent thoughts to do his growing stress and apprehension towards his business partner. William’s daughter and Henry’s daughter is born. Their partnership continues to grow tense. They begin to disagree more about the paths they will take with their business. William’s home life begins to suffer due to this, with him and his wife fighting more. William and Laura get into it, which Michael overhears. Laura then tells William she is pregnant again. At this time, William presents blueprints to Henry with new animatronics, called Funtime Animatronics. Henry, after reviewing the blueprints, rejects them. Henry and William argue about the animatronics, which causes William to storm out. William devises a plan to begin building the animatronics on his own. William then devises to use them and open a new location alongside the current restaurant. Later, William’s son, Christopher, is born. William uses a sum of money to begin a new company, called Afton Robotics. He puts the money inside the bank account that the company shares. However, he mistakenly forgets to tell Henry what the money is for. Laura and William’s new son Christopher is extremely frightened of William’s animatronics. William and Laura fight about the money that he has set aside for the new location. She begins chastising and William gets violent, which Christopher sees. He runs away, angering William. William begins mistreating Christopher, which Laura reminds was like his own father. William goes into Christopher’s room apologizes to him, embracing him and goofing around with him, before reading him a bedtime story as Laura overhears and smiles. William goes to work to help employees in springlock suits, when Henry introduces him to Johnathan, who will record tutorial tapes, who he jokingly calls “The Phone Guy”. William then attempts to talk to him about the Funtime Animatronics, which Henry continues to attempt to shut William down. Henry then introduces William to The Puppet, a new animatronic being used for security. Later, William tries to take out the money for the business, but discovers it has already been used by Henry. William, in a rage, contacts Henry who doesn’t answer. William gets horribly drunk, and drives to the restaurant looking to hurt Henry. However, he instead sees his daughter Charlie, locked out of the restaurant. William, in a blinded rage, and wishing to take something from him as he did to him, kidnaps her and murders her in his car. He gets out of the car, throwing up, and hides her behind the restaurant in a panic. Unbeknownst to him, however, The Puppet sees this, and finds it’s way to the back. Charlie’s soul then possesses The Puppet. William arrives home and finds out that Christopher has again run away. William tracks him down and almost beats him, until Laura stops him. Laura chastises William, becoming afraid of who he is. William begins reminiscing on the kill, realizing he liked it. Henry is grief-stricken as his daughter is discovered, however they are unable to pinpoint a suspect and write if off as a sick and random, violent murder. William is able to get a business loan through presenting blueprints of the animatronics and introduces a depressed and empty Henry to the newly founded Afton Robotics, and uses his grieving state to coast him into helping him build the Funtime Animatronics. William, who’s violent tendencies begin getting the best of him, dresses himself in a spare Spring Bonnie suit and kills five children. The Puppet finds them and puts their souls into Freddy, Bonnie, Chica, and Foxy. The fifth child goes inside the Golden Freddy suit, who turns vengeful and violent, vowing revenge. When William returns, the animatronics attempt to kill him. He interacts with the Golden Freddy suit, which he then realizes that they have been possessed. William, in his decaying mental state, becomes obsessed with the idea of them being brought back to life through the suits and develops something called Remnant. He kills an unsuspecting child in the restaurant and attempts to use it on him, creating Shadow Bonnie on accident. Henry and William work on the Funtime robots, and William begins altering the blueprints, turning them into child killing machines. William, now effectively having tricked Henry into building them, begins to open Circus Baby’s. Elizabeth Afton, perplexed and intrigued by Baby, wants to go near her, however William doesn’t allow it. One day, when his children are there with him, Baby lures Elizabeth away. This is witnessed by Michael and Christopher, who tell William. William, afraid of what he has done, starts gas leaks in the building to get it closed before it opens. Henry, hearing of this, comforts William, although he still does not know it was the animatronic. William tells Michael and Christopher not to tell anyone what they saw. Laura, grief-stricken, falls into a depression. Michael, trying to cheer Christopher up, pranks him over and over. Michael begins scaring Christopher to death, and Laura is too depressed to stop it. Christopher continues running to Elizabeth’s grave at night, which angers William, who has begun drinking more to alleviate his stress and depression. However, he sees the stress and trauma Christopher is under, and stuffs a walkie-talkie into a plush of Fredbear, attempting to calm him down despite him also losing his own sanity and becoming more angry and violent. Later, William finds an underground room and turns it into Circus Baby’s Rental, attempting to keep his business afloat, moving the Funtime Animatronics there. One day, at a birthday party, Michael and his friends play a prank by bringing a scared Christopher up to Fredbear, who ends up biting and crushing Christopher’s head. William and Laura rush to the hospital, where Michael is crying over him. Christopher enters a coma, where the plush comforts him. William tries to use remnant on Christopher, but it also fails. The shadow figures of Freddy and Bonnie are created on accident. Laura, grief-striken, falls deeper into depression and accidentally overdoses, dying. William and Michael’s relationship becomes extremely tense and Michael runs away, opting to stay with his best friend. Henry begins seeing the chain of events and decides to go to Afton’s Robotics, where he notices how the blueprints had been altered. William runs in on him, and they argue, with William revealing how he has killed multiple children and has tricked Henry into helping in many different ways. William then reveals that he also killed Charlie. Henry and William fight, which leads to them almost killing each other, before William runs away. Henry attempts to track him down through Michael, but he is unsuccessful. Henry leaves Fazbear Entertainment and goes dormant with his wife out of extreme depression and guilt. Years later, Michael visits William, who reveals through raging ramblings that Elizabeth is still trapped in Baby, and begs for Michael to find her. Although Afton no longer owns the business, Michael is able to land a job as a technician. He is not recognized, although he finds Baby and is able to communicate with Elizabeth somehow. However, he is scooped in the end, being tricked so that they could use his body as a disguise. Michael leaves, hosting Ennard, and his physical appearance deteriorates, leaving him purple. He throws up the parts of Ennard into the sewer, close to death. However, the remnant from the animatronics end up reviving him. He is unable to track down William, who fled, and he records a message, vowing to find him. A few years later, the Fazbear Entertainment reopens a new location with new animatronics, using the old ones for parts. The new animatronics have facial recognition, Henry, still dormant, learns of the reopening and leaves documents stating that William Afton cannot be allowed to return. The reopening is successful, until William enters in disguises tampering with the animatronics. Jeremy Fitzgerald is hired as the security guard, although he seems to be mistaken for William, as they attempt to rush and attack him. During one of the days, William sneaks in and dons a suit, luring kids and killing them like before. The Puppet puts their souls into the Toy suits. This is quickly unveiled, and the restaurant is set for close. Jeremy is moved to the day shift, until Mangle bites off his frontal lobe, due to being tampered with. At night, Michael picks up the last night shifts under a new name, but is quickly fired as he attempts to tamper with the animatronics, figuring out what William is up to. Years later, they attempt to reopen again, where Michael uses another false name to work the night shift, using only the four original animatronics. After it again goes bust, they abandon the restaurant and give up on the franchise. William revists and dismantles the animatronics, attempting to use them for experiments. However, the spirits escape, led by Cassidy, and attempt to get revenge. William notices the spare Spring Bonnie suit and hides in it, however it malfunctions and traps him inside, ripping him apart. He cries in agonizing pain and begs to be let free, but the spirits pick up the animatronic heads and leave him. The camera pans out as he utters “Kill me,” “Let me die,” and “I want to die,” over and over. 30 years later, a team discovers William inside the suit and other figurines, and open a horror attraction based on the unsolved mysteries around the company. William is taken and used as the main attraction for the place. Henry, reading of this, becomes angry and gets himself hired as a security guard to investigate. He is reunited with William as Springtrap, who instantly recognizes him. Henry attempts to kill him but fails and he gives chase. Henry, as a last resort, burns down the building. Springtrap is able to escape. Henry becomes hellbent on discovering every single thing William did. He discovers every travesty, and realizes that his daughter possessed the puppet, which therefore gave life to the other spirits. Meanwhile, The Puppet and other spirits gave a party to the restless souls, including Cassidy, who was inside Golden Freddy. The Puppet remarks that it is the happiest day, and they are set free. Henry realizes the rest of the spirits are still restless. Him and Michael work together and lure in the rest of the restless spirits. He realizes that Ennard’s souls fought and kicked Elizabeth (Baby) out. She reassembles a body with scraps of Circus Baby, and the other souls reassemble Ennard into Molten Freddy. Henry is able to successfully lure them in. After the week is over of him and Michael working through the plan, Henry sets fire to the place, freeing the souls and killing William for good. Henry and Michael opt to stay inside the building and go with the fire. Michael wakes up in a purgatory created by Christopher. After having to fend off every animatronic, Christopher is able to free him. He encounters Henry for the first time in years, who discovers that Cassidy has placed William in a hell where he is murdered over and over by various animatronics. Henry tells Cassidy to let him rest, and that the devil will deal with him. Henry then tells Michael his time has come to pass into the heavens, and that he, while looking so much like his father, was never like him. He tells Michael he is proud of him, and that no one deserved what happened, but that they can now finally rest. Michael embraces Henry, and they look back and see every animatronic looking and smiling towards them. Freddy gives a wave as Michael walks through the door to heaven, looking back at a smiling Henry. Michael reunites with Christopher and Elizabeth, embracing them, and reunites with his mother Laura, telling each other that they love each other. Henry sits in a silent purgatory, sending a message to a still suffering William that he hopes it was worth it, and that maybe one day when he passes through he will forgive him. William begs Henry to help him, but Henry ends the communication between them forever. Henry sees Cassidy’s ghost, and tells her to let William rest, and that he will suffer at the hands of God. She disappears as Henry’s daughter Charlotte arrives and asks when Henry will be able to pass through to heaven, and Henry says that it is not his time yet. He gets down to her level and realizes they are seperated by an invisible barrier. Henry and Charlie put their hands up to each other, unable to touch past the wall. Henry tells her that he loves her and to go back to heaven and play with the kids, and that he will see her soon. He then tells Charlie to say hello to his wife for him. As she runs off, he keeps his hand on the barrier and puts his head against it. A tear silently rolls down his cheek as he closes his eyes and smiles.
2020.04.02 11:04 swamp_socialistPeople's Responses from "Whatcom County Deserves A Public Hospital"-Please Keep Signing
The petition is here. Please sign and share on any platforms you're active on. Here are anonymous comments from some of the 364 people who have signed on to support our demand to put together a task force on buying back the shuttered St Luke's hospital in the heart of Bellingham and reopening it as a publicly owned institution. TW: Some contain difficult healthcare related stories including sexual assault. We're sharing these so people's stories can be heard- not as endorsements of individual messages: "I am a Home Care Aide who supports a public hospital in Whatcom County." "I have seen people bleeding on the floor wait for over an hour in peacehealth ER. I have seen 4 puking patients in a full peacehealth ER wait for over an hour. I have personally waited 4 hours for my croup filled 4 year old to be seen. I waited 4 hours as a pregnant ER patient unable to feel the baby move and uncontrollably throwing up in the waiting room. We waited 3 hours to get Tylenol for my 4 year olds 103.5 fever in the exam room because the nurse had to have the pharmacy "unlock" the order before he could get it. Then another hour for the croup medications because others took priority." "Thank you for starting this petition. The only way we will get a hospital we want is if we open a new one. Peace Health will never change it's ways. I want our ER people protected, not just from Corona-virus, but from the terrible decisions of incompetent administration." "One example is that they are so big and have such poor communication in the departments. When my husband was severely ill peace health made a billing mistake of $800 in their favor. It took me 8 months and multiple calls to finally resolve it." "I believe that all public utilities including internet access and social media platforms be publicly owned and operated. All aspects of our society that are necessary for serving the well being of everybody should be publicly owned and managed----- utilities, housing, water, transportation etc. And as so many have been discussing the need for a more socialized healthcare system, this pandemic surely brings this need into stark relief." "We as citizens of Whatcom County deserve an option when it comes to health care. Peace Health is a monopoly." "We need a choice!! Peace Health is a monopoly!! Our primary care docs are not allowed to take care of us in S t Jo's" "St Joes is Bellingham’s largest employer. Why shouldn’t there be competition?" "THE CURRENT ROMAN CATHOLIC MONOPOLY VIOLATES THE CONSTITUTIONAL AND HUMAN RIGHTS OF ALL OF THE PEOPLE. NO RELIGIOUS RESTRICTIONS ON THE PROVIDING OF HEALTHCARE." "Having competition in health care saves lives!" "Catholic run hospitals have harmful policies that impact our community." "Obvious that we need one" "Peace health is poorly run. The ER is constantly overwhelmed. It is profit centered and does not care about the community or Whatcom county. We as a community need more options for adequate health care" "PeaceHealth has a monopoly on health care in our area. It appears to me they believe they are impervious to any questioning of their administrative policies. Firing a doctor for speaking out about maintaining public protection from the corona virus is the exact opposite of what people would expect from any hospital in the nation. In short, it appears this hospital needs the help of someone who can provide them with rational thinking and better leadership." "Whatcom county is critically short beds for the region it serves." "The community deserves better, and clearly the hospital administrators are not listening to staff concerns. Putting some competition in the area would force the hospital to step up their game" "Because the “non-profit” Peace Health is a cover for several hundred top admin to steal millions from our citizens." "All residents of Whatcom County deserve affordable and accessible health care and public hospital facilities when needed." "Better healthcare when there is not a medical monopoly in a county" "I believe in the free enterprise system; we need an alternative to our only St Joe Hospital. Competition drives excellence!" "Even in the best of times we should have more than one hospital in an area the size of Bellingham. The recent concerns raised by Dr. Lin and other caregivers at St. Joseph's makes even clearer the need for a public hospital. St. Luke's is just sitting there empty, when it could be serving the community." "I would like an option that does not enforce its religious beliefs in my, my family’s and my community’s care. Also we need more options so that wait times and hospital beds are available." "Peacehealth St Joseph does not have the capacity to safely care for our growing community. We need more hospital beds and more than one ER for Whatcom county. It's time for the Peacehealth monopoly to end." "The wait times in the ER are terribly long. Few options for urgent care clinics. My mother is 87 and she has had to wait hours at night under a cold air vent for treatment of wound or other infections while already shivering and miserable. She won't tell me if she's having a problem now until it's nearly too late, for fear of the ER ordeal." "We should have a choice and ample hospital beds for a county our size. A monopoly is never good and Peace Health has been declining in the quality of healthcare for years." "As a FF/EMT I need to be able to look my patients in the eye and tell them that I will transport them or their loved ones to a hospital facility who will provide timely, compassionate, appropriate, and effective emergency care. There have been many times when this is not the case at Peace Health St. Joe’s. This needs to change because the citizens of Whatcom County deserve better." "PH is a monopoly. We need to take better care of our community members by having more opportunities and options for medical care." "Where there is a for profit monopoly on healthcare, the best care for the community cannot be achieved." "Our wait times are insane, the price of care is unmanageable, the process of care during COVID is horrible. Why does peacehealth monopolize healthcare in Whatcom county? Why are we allowing this!?" "We deserve a hospital that reflects our community, not their ministry. We deserve a hospital that will stay out of our legal healthcare decisions. We deserve to have enough hospital beds. It is not charity if their first agenda is to push their "ministry" on us and their employees. The executives are bald-faced lying about being ready for this pandemic. That is unconscionable, but we are powerless. They do not answer to us." "St Joe's needs competition." "Peace health has for years used politics to determine what kind of care women can receive. In recent years they have been so focused on making money they have forgotten how to provide good care." "It is important for people to have choice and access when it comes to healthcare." "No more peace health" "We need to have a choice." "We need more affordable healthcare in/ near bellingham. Especially with peace healths lack of care lately." "I have had pneumonia in the last 2 years and have severe asthma. I called ahead to the ER when I could barely breathe and I was denied corona testing and care because I am 34. I have emailed and left voicemails to the WA department of health and no one has gotten back to me, I am day 13 with symptoms. They’d rather see me die than add to the numbers." "I believe it is a travesty to have our healthcare systems in the hands of for profit entities--- money spent on the public good is not a priority when entities are beholden to their share holders and executives. Public health care should be operated and overseen by institutions that do not have a profit motive. I support a public health care system in every aspect of healthcare." "We NEED more hospital beds in Whatcom County!" "I used to work in the medical field. We need another option that is concerned about patients and not just money. One that treats employees and patients with care and compassion. We have multiple cardiologist that have left town and hundreds of amazing doctors who have left for other options. Leaving our town with 1 piss poor excuse of a hosptial." "I support a public hospital as I believe whatcom county has a population large enough to support one." "Our local hospital has the corner market and does whatever they want. It's sad. Patient care is not first." I have a 5 year old with medical needs and we have had a lot of problems over the years since he was diagnosed if we can we drive to skagit county if my son needs to go to the ER. It’s not a good feeling to know I can’t take my son to the closest hospital should he need to be seen by a doctor. Gonna add in a emergency our emergency plan is take him to st joes and get transported down to Seattle." "our hospital should be for the benefit of local people with high quality health care, not for profit or run by a nonlocal group." "Peace Health misses the mark in so many ways. We need an alternative in Whatcom county." "To meet the needs of our growing community." "My children and grandson live in Bellingham. The need is far greater than what PeaceHealth can or should provide, and the need is growing in the northern WA communities." "St Joes has been applying reproductive health care with Catholic “rules” instead of using the law as a guide. I’m disgusted with them." "We need a public hospital." "I support robust public medicine of all kinds, and also our community deserves to break up the near monopoly of hospital care with a public option." "Our county is underserved and in dire need of at least one additional hospital with level 1 trauma capability, along with a cancer care center. It's unsustainable to have to transport patients from a county this large to Seattle." "We need more beds, and an institution that is not beholden to religious sensibilities." "Area population indicates a second hospital. Peace Health concentrates on generating revenue, not serving the wider public. If Peace Health was focused on the health needs of the people, St Luke's would still be in operation. Cut the phony naming of hospitals after saints and recommission St Luke's as Whatcom County General Hospital and use federal funding to make it happen. Thanks." "Wait times and treatment of patients at St. Joes is awful! We avoid it as much as possible utilizing walk in clinics whenever possible." "Medical services should be solely at the discretion of the doctor and patient, not determined by the Catholic church which owns the PeaceHealth network. St Joseph specifically states on their website that they will not discuss or offer pregnancy termination or birth control services. They also refuse to assist with end of life services like assisted suicide despite that being legal in Washington." "Having only ONE option for my medical care, provides no second opinions or comparative therapies. Driving to Seattle area is a nightmare for those who's health issues are not dealt wither offered by the ONE facility in town" "So. Korea has 12.27 hospital beds per 1000 people. The US has 2.4 per 1000 people. Whatcom county has fewer than 1 hospital bed bed per 1000 people. The covid-19 pandemic reveals how woefully few resources Whatcom has. We need a public hospital." "We need competition and increased capacity, plus the fact that we should have a community hospital where religious beliefs of the network are not a barrier to care." "Whatcom County will continue to grow and it is urgent that we have more hospital bed capacity. " "It's very hard when you have state insurance to find quality care in Whatcom County." "Because there should never be a hospital like St. Joe's" "It is unacceptable that we have only one, small hospital for 250,000 people. St. Joseph's lacks capacity on a good day and is utterly unprepared for growth in the area or unexpected emergencies. Recently we were in the ER for 24 hours before a bed became available for admission and we were told this is a common occurrence. The hospital also lacks services our community deserves like a full NICU. Finally, it is unacceptable that our only medical option is a Catholic hospital that has a history of discriminating against LGBTQ folks and plays Christian prayers over the intercom." "Peace Health needs competition to keep them honest!" "Whatcom County residents suffer a deficiency in their health care choices for hospitalizations. The sole hospital, PeaceHealth St. Joseph's, is run by a Board located in southern Washington instead of a Board of local citizens and providers. The St. Joseph's hospital management, at the direction of its distant Board, denies all Whatcom County patients a full scope of women's health care, and men's as well in order to jam the catholic religious dogmas down citizens' throats. Further, the local hospital refuses to provide the full range of legal treatment options in cases of terminally ill patients by limiting the palliative care and end-of-life choices we all have a right to expect from our health care providers under Washington law." "Peace Health is serving all cities in Whatcom County as well as many patients from Island County with overflow from Skagit County. Everyone who has worked with the doctors and nurses at Peace Health can see they have too many patients. It's simple math." "St. Joe's' handling of the Dr. Lin debacle was deplorable. The less reliant this community is on them the better." "As a social worker I recognize the needs of my community and the ways they are not being addressed. I support this effort because I want to see my neighbors have reliable, competent, ethical, compassionate care and another hospital and public one at that could serve that purpose." "PeaceHealth is a greedy catholic institution who has no accountability. I have never once felt safe or cared for in their care. I am chronically ill and have a lot of health problems that some times put me in the hospital. Since being sexually assaulted by PeaceHealth staff while I was in a weakened state this past summer, I've had to arrange transportation to get all the way to skagit valley because their hospital staff actually treats transgender people with respect, much unlike PeaceHealth St. Joseph's." "St. Joseph's is an inadequate healtchare provider." "Because I don't have any respect for This Hospital they don't pay attention they just about offed me with narcotics that I could not have big red ban on arm they didn't read" "I support a public hospital for the increased healthcare capacity and options for our community, to put local medical expenses back into our community and to provide healthcare service options without religious oversight. The benefits to a public hospital are not limited to these reasons." "We need a system committed to serving all members of the public and even though the current hospitals may say they are committed, only a public hospital could receive the depth of oversight needed to ensure that all community member needs are addressed and met." "Profit driven healthcare does not serve the mandate and moral imperative to CARE for the community. Our lives depend upon more hospital beds and management decisions that have more to do with care than profit (or in our case, conservative religious values!!!!). This pandemic has highlighted what we already knew. In our family, a pregnant person is TERRIFIED to give birth in Peace Health, which has been SO SLOW to respond. We need another hospital. Our lives, the lives of our children, and those we love depend upon it." "I've had plenty of negative experience at st Joe's and everyone I know has has an extremely long wait time during emergency visits" "I support a public hospital because our communities should not rely on private healthcare ever, especially during a global health crisis. " "Im an EMT in Bellingham and often see the ER and waiting room full and the ER staff struggling to provide adequate care to all patients. Also we frequently take people who dont have true emergencies but face long waiting periods to see a doctor so have no other option than to call a.ptivate ambulance and get checked out by the ED doctors. We need a public hospital in bellingham now." "This is the most viable option we have to helping save lives and helping healthcare workers who are on the frontlines of this pandemic!!!" "Better for community" "The public should not have only one place they have to go for medical care. And that one option should also not be a Catholic hospital. It's bad for the community for one hospital to have a monopoly over a community. We also need more beds than St. Joe's can offer." "Peace health discriminates and wont perform certain things because they are Catholic based" "I am deeply concerned about the lack of hospital beds in our county, especially considering our many aging residents and people experiencing poverty and homelessness. It is also concerning to read and hear more and more stories of St. Joseph's pushing their religious beliefs onto community members trying to seek personalized health care. We must do better." "I don't have insurance. Can't afford it. I need a place I can get care without knowing a place is there only to make money for themselves" "We need competition. Most people I know who have used peacehealth in Bellingham are unsatisfied with their care. I am included in that category." "Because the upper admin of our local non-profit hospital is criminal. They're failing to institute common safety practices during the Covid-19 pandemic. They are a threat to the community and we deserve better." "We need to take the greed out of the healthcare system !!!" "Because our current hospital cannot support our community effectively and does not have room for patients." "Our community needs more health care choices as well as more beds. As a student chaplain I saw how St. Joseph's religious affiliation limited the care that could be given. Available health care choices should adequately meet the needs of our diverse community." "Health care is a human right, not just another service to be capitalized on. As such, private, unaccountable health care corporations have no right to control our ability to survive and lead dignified lives based on how much money we have. Nor do they have the right to limit the scope of health care available to us based on the particular religious ideology of their founders. It is an utterly vulgar scandal that in the wealthiest country in the world, we are forced to spend more money per capita on health care than every other developed country, yet we still have the highest infant mortality rate of all of them. People here are forced to decide between dying or going bankrupt for the rest of their lives if they succumb to diseases like cancer for no fault of their own. Women are forced to risk their lives, dignity, and financial stability in their pursuit of access to basic reproductive health care. We are human beings with universally declared human rights, and we demand that these rights be upheld. It is time for Whatcom County to provide a public alternative to PeaceHealth. It is also time for this country to provide its inhabitants with our universally declared right to health care without any form of discrimination." "I believe strongly that a community which cares for itself with as little influence from mega corporations as possible is a healthy community. We cannot properly make decisions regarding the healthcare of our friends and neighbors if we constantly have to consider the needs of millionaires. We must invest in a local hospital with the same vigor that we've embraced local businesses, especially in the time of COVID-19." "I moved back to Bellingham after 25 years in Seattle where I grew accustomed to quality health care and choices. I have maintained my PCP in Seattle because I lack confidence in the system currently in place here. I strongly believe that Whatcom County, a growing community, is long overdue for a new health care option to provide residents a choice and competition to help make Peacehealth accountable to improving its services. We deserve more than a single option. Whether it be a public or a quality system such as adding a branch location operated by Swedish or UW Medicine would be far better than the only choice I have now." "We need a non-religious hospital and we need enough medical help for the size of our community." "We moved recently from King County to Whatcom County, and before moving we thought long and hard about what we heard from extended family members about the lack of adequate ER resources at Peace Health St. Joseph. Though it didn't stop us from moving up to be near older family members, everything they told us turned out to be even worse than reported. We've sat in the emergency room there for over four hours with real emergency situations (broken bones, etc.) Please authorize the use of the shuttered St. Luke's to help address the shortage of hospital and ER facilities and staff in Whatcom County!" "We live in the largest (geographic) county in the state and have nearly a quarter million residents. One hospital is not nearly adequate to serve the population. Nor does one source serve community interest and allow for choice. I live on the Canadian border but choose to drive to Seattle for care due to the mismanagement of PeaceHealth St Joseph (aka St JOKE) and have since before COVID19." "We have less than half the beds than the national average, and ER wait times are too long." "We need more than one option for healthcare in our community. PeaceHealth has a monopoly that needs to be broken up." "I don't know anyone who is impressed with PeaceHealth" "Whatcom county deserves better healthcare access!" "Whatcom County should also not be held hostage by PeaceHealth. We need a choice and PeaceHealth needs competition." "Transparency" "Peace Health St Joe's is failing us. Privatized hospitals focus more on their profits than on our health." "For the safety of women who need an unbiased doctor we need a non denominational hospital. Not to mention wait times at peace health are so long it's stressful and makes a bad situation worse" "I am a licensed massage therapist so I work within the health care field and I have worked both in Wa and BC Canada. We have a huge need in Bellingham for another hospital and one that is not based in any religious organization. We have had issues with St. Joes for how women have been treated when they NEED a termination bc of medical necessity not choice because of the religious beliefs of the organization. We need Another hospital and there are a variety of reasons this is just one that matters to me." "I work in the field of Social Work." "We need a better hospital!" "PeaceHealth has become a monopoly in Whatcom county." "Peace Health's recent practices have clearly revealed that their priorities are more self serving and less about public health. Whatcom County residents need to be able to choose whether they want to support such an organization. A second hospital in these times is probably wise anyway because it'll divide the potential influx of patients and hopefully assist in preventing overwhelming numbers." "I spent the majority of my life in Whatcom/Skagit county, the people here deserve more access to health care within the community. I don't believe that peace health should be the only game in town for the sake of residents, but also for improving job economy." "There are not enough hospital beds in Whatcom county. Our population is large enough to support two facilities. I believe this will make the care more accessible and affordable." "St Joe's does not have the capacity to care for the number of people needing care in our community." "I've been to the ER where the wait time was over 7 hrs. Seems crazy" "It is obvious that the people of Whatcom County deserve appropriate access to healthcare." "We deserve better healthcare, and we deserve choices!" "Peace Health, in my experience, is an organization that hides its errors & is lacking in integrity. I want another choice for our community" "I'm going to be a first time mother in September. The Coronavirus has made it incredibly scary to think we only have one hospital in this town. While I'm hopeful things will be better in September I feel really bad for the mothers who are giving birth in the next couple months. They have no idea what kind of a situation they'll be walking into. I've also heard really bad things about the way PeaceHealth treats their staff. They're overworking of doctors and nurses creates a huge loss of quality of care for patients. Whatcom county is going to continue to grow and I think it's obvious that we need another hospital." "Hospital's should be for everyone. Hospital's should be not-for-profit. Hospital's should not be religious." "We need adequate medical coverage for this area." "We need to think about people, not profit. " "Not enough hospital beds when an emergency hits. Peace health doesn't provide security to its workers." "Our community deserves more affordable healthcare services" "I am a physician planning to move to the Bellingham area with my fiancee, which has currently been delayed by the pandemic. Our observation of significantly limited access to only one hospital, especially in light of the added burdens of this pandemic, has been nothing short of alarming. The area must have another option that prioritizes serving the public interest rather than private ones." "My own personal experience of long wait times and enormous fees. I would add that our county has NO WHERE but this emergency room for something serious past 6:00 PM. Shameful" "Because all hospitals should be public" "I think healthcare should become more readily available and affordable for the community of this county." "This community has grown too large for 1 hospital to effectively serve. " "Peacehealth is not serving our community adequately or well. I have had several personal experiences taking my partner to er and him being hospitalized. One example is that, three times, they tried to start him on a medication that he'd had a bad reaction to and was listed in his chart. There are many more. I would not go to St Joe's if I could avoid it." "We need a second hospital to provide enough beds for our community. We need that hospital to not be religious based, so that they rely on science when making treatment decisions. " "PeaceHealth needs competition in order to keep them honest and functional, beyond just profiteering, in our community. Firing and silencing Dr. Lin, in the middle of a pandemic, is but one example for why a monopoly is dangerous to community health here." "Having ONE hospital to serve 220,000+ people in our county is reckless and dangerous. We need a couple of smaller "rural" style hospitals throughtout the northern half of Whatcom County" "No one in America shouldn't be able to get quick, professional, affordable, and quality healthcare. Whatcom County doesn't have that, but we're better than that, so we should." "Health Care is a basic human right and should be a public service." "I'm native to Bellingham and believe not only because of our population here but because Peace Health as a Monopoly on our Health Care , We need/ want alternatives choices other then heading to Seattle, which a fair amount do!" "I moved to Bellingham from Port Angeles, where I was working for Olympic Medical Center (the public hospital for Clallam County). Public hospitals are hugely beneficial to a community, and most importantly, they are accountable to the community." "I broke my ankle and Peace Health Saint Joe turned me away because of a lack of capacity. Peace Health never should have closed Saint Luke's. Their profit-motivated decision to close Saint Luke's has hurt me and my loved ones." "Now more than ever, many are hurting and need this alternative." "students who are on their own for the first time deserve a place to receive health care especially when the student health care falls short" "Whatcom county should have more than one hospital for the size of it's population. This hospital should also be a public hospital and where health is placed above all." " As someone with a chronic illness requiring hundreds of ER visits in my lifetime, St. Joseph's in Bellingham is one the worst hospitals I have ever experienced. Bellingham deserves more than the subpar care this hospital offers, especially considering the current Pandemic." "Corporate greed needs to be challenged" "Competition is good Better service, pricing and care " "I made many trips to the ER with my elderly parents in their later years. The ER was always, always full. I've never been to the ER and not spent at least 5 hours there, and often much longer most of that wait time. Bellingham is growing, we need more than one hospital ” the competition would force Peacehealth to do better, and would drive prices down for everyone. It's time." "We need a hospital that puts the safety of its staff first." "We need investments in our health care system, not profit. Making money off illness and not being responsible to the people of our community is unacceptable." "This community needs another hospital, and we need a public option." "Bellingham NEEDS a non secular hospital." "Competition breeds betterment" "Healthcare should be a public service and right!" "Because decent health care is a human right and the private system is not meeting our needs, just lining their pockets while rationing care." "Critical resources, such as health care, should be democratically controlled. Only public health care will allow us to provide for all members of the community fairly and affordably. A public hospital is one small step in that direction." "After a few unfortunate stays at St. Joe's, it was alarming how understaffed they were. They did an amazing job nursing me back to health both times, but it was obvious they are overworked and desperate for resources. Opening St. Luke's would vastly improve this situation, create jobs, and help our community." "St. Joseph's is simply too small for the population of Whatcom County. our hospital bed per capita ratio is abysmal. we desperately need greater hospital capacity for such a large community." "We need more beds and reproductive choice!" "The vacant hospital PeaceHealth left in my neighborhood is a blight and a waste of resources at a time when we can't afford to waste any. Let's repurpose the old St. Luke's as a new, public hospital that serves the whole community." "I am 73 years old, live 45 minutes out of Bellingham in Glacier. Always worried about emergency medical long wait times. St. Joe's south campus needs to be reopened, owned and operated by a partnership of the city, county and medical professionals. It CAN be done!" "St Luke's should never been sold! Let's do this!" "With the current pandemic as an example the access to PCR tests would have been available sooner and at a larger volume. Look at what the local public hospital to the south, Skagit Valley General has done more testing there in a county smaller than ours with many Whatcom residents going to their respiratory clinics. Something that Peace Health has still not organized to triage. The lack of PPE is well documented and I was personally involved in a large import of KN95 masks until the purchase agent acted in bad faith. When Peace Health took over they looked to under bid NW laboratory which ended up going with a lab centered in Texas. Family Care network has coordinated with a rapid PCR to do up to 2,000 tests a day. That is the group that will save this community. The hospital is owned by the Vancouver Archdiocese with all profits going out of town. Because they are a church they pay no property tax nor B&O tax. The ER is owned by Blackstone Group, a private investment firm. They are in the business of making money not knowing how to run a healthcare institution. It shows!" "There was crowding before the pandemic, now PeaceHealth cannot keep up with everything. Plus they fired that ER doctor that was standing up for all of our health concerns." "We never have needed a religious based hospital and recent management decisions make this even more obvious. Competition would be good, especially as Health care becomes more transparent." "Just needs to be done! It's just wasting away and we could use it now more than ever!" "We don't agree with the religious beliefs of Peace Health being imposed on our community. As whatcom county residents we deserve a choice and want an option." "One choice for hospital care is no choice. " "I'm disabled and going to Peacehealth hasn't always been great. I believe a public hospital would help because community health professionals have always treated me better." "We had choices in the past. We have a monopoly currently. We need non-religious based health care." "I believe we need a choice and a public option that is not religious based. I want a hospital that does not claim a religious tax exemption and that is subject to rigorous public oversight and not church oversight " "We need a hospital that is accountable to the people of Whatcom County!" "As our city grows, this demand will only get stronger. We need an alternative to Peacehealth. The fact that the St. Joe's location is one of Peacehealth's most profitable projects shows that PeaceHealth is leveraging the scarcity in our community for profit. As a nursing student, I want an option for employment with integrity to work for. As a woman, I've gone to St. Joe's for pain around my ovaries and had to wonder if PeaceHealth would even tell me if it was an ectopic pregnancy with their policies around reproductive care. Nobody should ever have those concerns in an emergency setting" Please sign on and share your story to show the County Council there is a real demand for a public alternative to Peacehealth!
2020.02.21 03:16 Jack-FitchSword Art Online - The Dark Lord Of All Bad Anime [Review]
Sword Art Online is terrible. The biggest joke in the entire medium of anime, the giver of birth to the worst genre ever created which is Isekai stories even though I know it’s far from the first isekai anime but I’m still saying that because it did accelerate the video game anime trend we see, the punching bag all across the internet, and a story written so awful that it made DXFan619 throw up once in a toilet screaming how terrible it was. There couldn’t be a better suitable name for such a travesty. What else could I call it except The Dark Lord Of Anime? People all over the world now acknowledge what a terrible frigging show this is now. Thanks to the many efforts of many online workers that have exposed just how terrible Sword Art Online is, we now have it presented as the world’s most hated anime and to be honest, it actually deserves that treatment really as it’s probably no surprise that it’s one of the worst show’s I’ve ever seen and it’s true that I feel that way. Sword Art Online will forever be the biggest punching bag in anime. There are probably a million and probably even a billion different ways how I could mention Sword Art Online is awful. I probably couldn’t even find barely a single thing out of it that’s probably good. Okay to be honest, it’s not worse than Steins;Gate 0, The Asterisk War, or Fairy Tail surprisingly. There’s a few surface elements that prevent Sword Art Online from literally topping every worst anime I’ve ever seen which would actually be pretty scary actually. It’s still actually one of the worst show’s I’ve ever seen so that doesn’t mean anything and actually would be just if it hadn’t been for Steins;Gate 0 existing. I call it “The Dark Lord” however still because not only is Sword Art Online just plain awful like that’s a surprise to people at this point but the real reason is because it created the world’s biggest negative influence on the entire anime medium. What this show created is truly something remarkable across the globe as what we’re about to dissect as I tear every living molecule in these horrible 25 episodes to bread crumbs. Sword Art Online would honestly be better if this show never existed in the entire first place. Every isekai feels like they all took influence together from Sword Art Online and this monster gave birth to several evil demons who suck the life out of anyone who’s stupid enough to watch them. Or as I rather appropriately put it into terms, accelerated the isekai trend because it didn’t create it really. I actually dreaded the day one day reviewing this. I feel like now I should finally review SAO because of looking back at how I reviewed isekai anime in the past. It’s just unfair I talk about so many other shows but never mentioned a full detailed analysis of the one that was most important in the whole trend. Sword Art Online is a living nightmare and one that created a catastrophe on anime like nothing I’ve ever seen before. 2012 was certainly the year wasn’t it? This is the one show that actually gives me a nightmare before bedtime thinking about it. It truly stuns me how everything terrible about every anime and more can be packed into these awful episodes. It’s also an easy target to bash at this point so it won’t be hard that this wouldn’t get attention anymore. I think it’s time we end all this and truly decide once and for all that this anime is an uncaged beast that ravaged across the globe. With that in place, let’s actually get started. I think that the king of darkness has some fun to share with us like always. Story + Characters: Sword Art Online’s infamous plot is about a teenager named Kirito who gets trapped along with 9,999 other players in a VRMMORPG and are expected to die in a death match. They must clear 100 floors to actually get through the entire game and be able to free themselves by beating the final boss. If they die in the video game also, they die in real life. There are already so many issues alone in the show’s so called “Premise” and we’ll get through many different hurdles as we get through each and every single little detail that could get blasted into oblivion. You figure out that the story in SAO doesn’t even have a real concept and we’ll get to that as we get to the fourteenth episode and afterwards when we enter the cesspool known as Alfheim Online but let’s hang in there for now. For now I’ll just say that this is ridiculous as it’s not even believable that they should really die in real life when all they are frigging doing is playing a video game. I actually think it’s actually really dumb that they take this concept entirely serious when it’s literally something you would buy on an XBOX console. I’ll also talk about how insanely unrealistic that only 10,000 people actually bought the game and that the show actually seriously expects you to believe that the game was only sold for a single day even though someone maybe could buy it again the very next day which alone actually breaks all the 4 year old logic this series expects you to follow without even much detail. I’m actually going to pat Reki Kawahara on the back for that one. My pal really tries not to get me mad before I even start the first episode you know that? Part 1: The Aincrad Arc (Eps. 1 - 14) The first episode of Sword Art Online opens up with people buying the video game. Right off the bat, there are already a million plot holes without even thinking about them right in the first frame of animation after the opening. What store decided to put a game like this on the shelf and sell it to people? I’m pretty sure someone could easily bug test it and the game could easily get canned before even being released. If someone actually bought a headset and critiqued it like I would, Akihiko Kayaba’s whole little gay plan of trapping people in a video game would be exposed to the police and he would spend the rest of his life playing with his little twinkle star in the mental institution cell he’ll be locked in. All I have to do is watch an Angry Joe video on YouTube and that game will be flushed down the toilet bowl. Also another thing too, while nothing had any substance to the characters in Log Horizon because they were all lifeless shells with no personality or human behavior and are actually even more empty than Sword Art Online’s cast of characters, I could at least say that it felt like a video game advertisement and a bit safer than SAO in the first season with at least having 30,000,000 players buying the game instead of 10,000 even though we never see how they bought the game in that show for some reason. Sword Art Online literally expects you to believe that only 10,000 people all bought a video game in single day. That’s not even logical as the population in Japan alone itself is 125M people and then the whole world is 7B people. But hey, only 10,000 people actually bought the game without looking up Jim Sterling talk about it for maybe 20 minutes and have an opinion. Like, did Kayaba decide to sell it only to 10,000 specific people? If so, then how was he even able to track down people and write each of their names down like a creepy stalker next door? 10K people guys. No reviews or anything. The store doesn’t even have a name and the people are just buying the game without any brain cells thinking about what the game is going to be like and such a small number that nobody across the entire world has even heard of the game. America is probably just eating a cheeseburger and having fun farting in public right now and over there people play a rare game that death traps people. Hey buddy. Reki Kawahara. You really made my mind explode without even starting the show yet really. Already and my pal can’t even figure out how video games are sold in real life. I mean, I’m not a video game developer but even I know that a successful game sells millions of copies when it’s good and people could normally buy it forever with an everlasting timespan. I don’t know dude. I mean that’s basic fabric of the universe right there and you screw it up. It’ll be a continuous complaint but Reki Kawahara has never played a real video game before. He probably looked at a picture on a wall and store at it for 5 minutes and muttered “Oh, video game.” like a zombie and decided to write a whole light novel before crapping it together into an anime. Just saying. This show has already become epic in how bad it is right in the very first 10 seconds of animation. We’re just getting started my pals. This is just the beginning. It really takes something to get this much bad in just the very start of the series without even watching any of it yet. In the first 2 minutes, we also get introduced to our good ol pal protagonist Kirito. By the way, he’s actually one of the worst protagonists to ever exist in a fictional work and that’s pretty far when most anime protagonists aren’t much of characters to begin with. One thing I noted is that he literally just warps into the video game just by putting a helmet on and practically going yup. This is a video game so get on with it. Like, does he even own a video game console? What propelled him to even buy the game in the first place? He just looked at about 10,000 people on his computer and was like “Oh, this new video game. I gotta buy it.” even though that’s still such a small number that it makes me question how he even got notice of the game. The only possible way to explain this is if he looked up the games trailer and probably wondered if the game would work for him or not. However, we never see a trailer nor do we see literally anything from when the game was being developed so it just completely balls you and leaves you with a massive question in your head. Where did he get the game? How did he get the game? What connection could he even have with these people? Are they all his friends? If so, then why do we never see Kirito interact with them throughout the entire anime? Did he buy the game online through a computer or did he buy it at ripoff GameStop? These are all just questions alone just tearing through how Reki Kawahara has absolutely no idea how games are developed in the real world. We see literally nothing about how the game is developed so you’re just left with fondling your ball sac in the air. This problem actually happens consistently throughout the entire series so you better get used to me talking about how literally everything could just be solved with just a small fix which is show the games development and maybe I’ll buy into the game a little more. Speaking of Kirito, let’s actually talk about him. Kirito is a horrible protagonist mainly because he’s the biggest inch penis protagonist I’ve ever seen in my life. The guy is in there for two seconds and he literally blurts out that he already figured out and knows the games entire system and all it’s data. At what point did a normal human being buy a game and say “I know literally every inch and centimeter across for this game.” right when he buys it the same day? This guy who probably plays games a lot is the biggest geek nerd ever because he can already hack a game’s system right when he first buys it. This is just one complaint I have with most isekai anime in general. I literally can’t stand characters that act like nerds that know how to do things. This is one big reason pretty much all isekai fail and one thing most people who watch this crap fail to see in our arguments bashing this. The only logical way to explain some of this is in Episode 2 but it never gets elaborated on so who cares and we’ll talk about it. Kirito also meets a guy named Klein who basically appears for two seconds and reappears near the end of The Aincrad Arc and then at the end of it and then afterwards never makes an appearance ever again. Like who is this guy? How is he relevant to anything going on in the story? How does he just disappear and then just survive the rest of the game without a single scratch? You can’t introduce a character like that and then just have him disappear because you had no idea how to actually make him a character in the story. We don’t even know a single thing about him and he just pop’s up randomly like a token. I also want to mention how stupid it is that Klein mentions the game doesn’t even have magic. I mean, magic normally serves a big role in RPG’s and especially in a game like Final Fantasy X. I’d love to see you try beating the game without using Haste spells or any Power Breaks. Not a good choice isn’t it? Moving on, let’s actually get to Kayaba and talk about his situation with the game now that we see him trap everyone inside the game. This is foreshadowed all by when Kirito first discovered that the games logout button wasn’t working anymore. To be honest, bug testing before a games release is important to make sure crap like this wouldn’t happen but somehow, a guy hacking the system had to happen otherwise the plot wouldn’t progress so without it the story pretty much craps it’s pants. I always thought that video game world’s in an anime was ridiculous. Why would I care about so many people being trapped in a video game? All these people act scared like flies but like calm down dude. It’s a video game so maybe have some fun for a while and see what it’s like playing the game like a normal person and not a frigging nerd. But oh, they’re all going to die though because some idiot managed to hack everyone’s helmet even though that technology has more than questionable existence. I just gotta ask, how do you make VR helmets disintegrate your body? Like, how does that technology even work? Maybe, don’t question it. That’s the answer. It doesn’t just stop there. There’s more wrong with this idea just here in the first episode. Akihiko Kayaba who had this totally brilliant plan in his mind manages to be able to trap all these kids in this game without not a single person being able to become suspicious of his plan because he just manages to have technology to be able to hack everything including the news which I find completely ridiculous and nobody somehow is aware that 10,000 people just disappear because whatever and I guess no one with a single brain cell questions anything about people disappearing into thin air. What? Do people’s parents not see that their kid is about to frigging die in a death game not even mentioning how ridiculous this is in a frigging video game? They’re just like “Whatever”. My kids are going to die when a simple call from the police station could arrest the monkeys responsible for making the game to begin with. Yeah, who cares about my children when they’re my kids and I’m supposed to love them and take care of them. Good parenting lessons everyone. Wow, common sense anyone? I just literally blew this guys whole plan up in the water by tearing through how frigging ridiculous it is and we’re not even done yet right here. I just want to ask. How do you manage to hack a news station inside a video game? Like how does that work? Are the news people too stupid to figure out “Oh, bad guy captured 10,000 people. We need to report this.”? To crap everything together into one question, how is nobody questioning 10,000 people being gone in a single day? People just disappeared and they’re trapped fighting to death in a frigging video game. No common sense, just everyone disappeared without question. Like, did Akihiko Kayaba hack people’s brains to be stupid? I wonder how you do that with technology more or less in a video game beyond that. That’s probably the biggest thing that nails this entire arc. Kayaba’s plan makes no sense on any level. It would actually make more sense if he did this just to look at Kirito’s small penis then what has actually happened. How do you hack people to be stupid? That probably makes the least amount of sense out of any plan you can imagine. By the way, all of this is wrong in the first episode of Sword Art Online. We have weak details on how the game was sold, we have a questionable concept to say the least about people being trapped in a video game, a character that just pops up randomly with no exposition or development, a protagonist that acts like a nerd, and an entire plan that makes completely no sense on every level all wrapped together in fashion in one episode. Great way to start the series right with this many things wrong? How low can you possibly get I wonder? Pure gold right here. Like people are seriously out there arguing that the first episodes of Sword Art Online aren’t that bad really. No, the show was always pretty bad and it most definitely became arguably the biggest story fiasco ever created later on but just take in for now what I just pointed out from the first episode. Like, look at everything I nitpicked already right away. No seriously, imagine how bad the story became if this is what is already what was frigging wrong to begin with. This is literal brain torture. Things actually start to get even dumber in the next episode. Probably the only thing that might have been interesting in Kirito was probably that he was a beta tester. On the surface, it doesn’t really seem too bad and I’ll puke saying that but to be fair, this is a way you can at least make it somewhat believable to how Kirito is so ridiculously overpowered that it makes me want to run him over. Only here since we’re never given any info to how the game was made, we’re never shown Kirito or anyone else actually beta testing the game for bugs and glitches. So it’s like, where do we buy into this? It goes even further than this because Kirito is actually just a kid really and he’s already so overpowered it’s ridiculous. I’ll say this at least had something potentially to learn about unlike most other isekai I’ve dealt with because characters like Shiroe from Log Horizon had no character development other than his excuse of playing a game for 7 years, Sora from No Game No Life who just walks into another world and instantly pretty much becomes God, Diablo from How Not To Summon A Demon Lord who’s just a nerd with 2 girls clinging to him all the time, Subaru from RE: Zero - Starting Life In Another World who acts way more tragic than he really is, Hajime from Arifureta who eats raw contaminated meat and doesn’t get sick for some reason, that guy from In Another World With My Smartphone who’s so generic that I can’t even remember him, and most other characters in isekai that are equally blank slates. The only other isekai that had more potential was The Rising Of A Shield Hero with Naofumi but became and devolved into a generic protagonist in the fifth episode because the writer had brain damage and decided to make a harem instead which is probably the worst thing about anime today. He had potential with being defense bait to become a stronger character but instead the story fell into generic isekai territory. The problem is simply we really don’t buy into Kirito being a beta tester so there’s no excuse for his abilities in the game to be so overpowered. We know nothing about his history as being a beta tester so why should I buy that role for his character? It just feels like they expect you to buy it and hold onto it never forgetting a thing when it really serves no purpose in the story. It feels like the anime is just trying to kick you in the balls for it. I also want to mention how frigging dumb it is that people seriously believe that the people who beta test the game are evil villains when a single report about the trap this game creates can literally ruin Kayaba’s entire plan ten times over. Kayaba would be in jail and this game would probably never even be released to begin with. Do people even realize that beta testing in reality is a way for the game to function and not be a buggy glitchy mess? No, probably not because this is SAO. This is also the first time we get introduced to one of the worst female characters ever written named Asuna. Asuna and Kirito has virtually no relationship chemistry between them. Even when they try as you’ll quickly find out, it’s nothing beyond very surface level crap material and even more infuriating as it gets when Kirito rather spends way more of his time fetching a harem instead of actually forming a real bond with his real girlfriend which he met in a frigging XBOX download. Things also become extremely dumb as we move past the second episode as now we get to see what a massive jack off Kirito is. In this episode, Kirito is Level 1. He’s Level 1 and is capable of already clearing out an entire dungeon like it was drinking water. The guy already has an entire layout for it and knows every location inside it and not only clears it but destroys an entire boss fight like it was nothing. The guy literally one shots these foes. I don’t know about you but I’ve never cleared an entire game before on my first level and especially with RPG’s. Normally in every game, you level up before being able to beat a boss battle. Any video game ever has that. Let me ask you if you’ve played Dark Souls before. Did you ever beat the game never leveling up your stats? Probably not right because I’m sure you’ve died hundreds of times before realizing what a stupid choice that was. By the way, fight Ryth in Infinity Blade II when he’s Level 50,000 and do it with only 1,000 HP. Let’s see if you do that. Kirito finds Illfang The Kobolt Lord and literally destroys him like the pencil neck geek he is. Yeah, this nerd trope is annoying. He literally takes out his swords and goes completely ballistic on him like a rocket. Yep, that’s my buddy right there. That actually leads to another big issue with Sword Art Online. The leveling system in this crap is completely busted. In the very next episode, Kirito jokes and says he’s Level 20 which would actually be questionable already itself but he’s actually and you’ll laugh your butt off Level 48. Then towards the end of Aincrad, he’s Level 72. Like what makes him level up so frigging fast? Simply show him go out and fight monsters for experience points and that may be the only logical way I could explain that but it’s like he jumps from level to level like hopscotch. He could be Level 40 at one point and then Level 500,000 the next time we see him. How does he level up so quickly? Does he slay monsters or something? I don’t know because we never see him do it. Maybe Reki Kawahara needs to go back to Kindergarten because his grades didn’t look too good there. You know what actually becomes the most infuriating piece in Kirito’s character? Let’s hear him say out loud that he’s a solo player. Yeah, totally believe that crap. There’s one time where he promises a girl that he would protect her. Then, because Reki realized that how stupid it was, he decided to kill her off and therefore breaking Kirito’s promise. This also leads to the most offensive part of the whole series. It’s harem. It’s no coincidence a garbage series like this has a harem and most bad anime are also like this too because harems often ruin character development. The worst offender was Lisbeth in Episode 8. The Lisbeth Episode is spent in the beginning where edgelord Kirito tries to buy a new weapon to equip in his inventory or at least that’s what you’d think anyways. Lisbeth offers a powerful sword to him and Kirito spends time acting more like a total jerk to her by taking the sword and breaking things in sight where she then gets mad at him. Kirito is one of the most disrespectful and downright mean protagonist’s ever. The guy just takes her sword and acts like a dimwit in front of her. What I find literally nauseating is what proceeds to happen forward. Afterwards, Kirito and Lisbeth are attacked by a dragon. Kirito like the nerd he is beats the dragon and spends an entire night with Lisbeth right after in the dark. When Lisbeth and Kirito are then shown plummeting to their death in midair, she’s literally in love with him for no reason. So right there, we have a girl that’s treated poorly, falls in love for no reason, and on top of that is cheating on Asuna when she’s already Kirito’s girlfriend. So with an entire harem which then proceeds to grow even further, why would Kirito call himself a solo player? Kirito is not alone or lonely. He ends up in a video game like every isekai story ever, masters the whole game like nothing, gets tons of waifu’s, and actually even gets married. The kid is not a solo player. Plain and simple. Speaking of Asuna, let’s talk about how cringeworthy their relationship is. Probably the worst thing that ruins Kirito’s relationship with Asuna is actually the fact Kirito builds an entire harem behind her. Their relationship is so poorly written that it actually depresses me how bad this is. Asuna should question or be able to be smart enough to figure out that her boyfriend dates several different partners behind her. Yet, they actually take this romance seriously and nobody questions a thing about this. Yeah, just wait until we get to Alfheim and what I say there. How do I believe Kirito’s love for Asuna when he’s off banging several different women? Truth is, you don’t and this show frigging sucks balls. I’m just saying. This is not how real relationships work. Asuna’s personality is also weak as it’s shown the only real character she has is that she could max out her cooking stats as it’s even shown the only way they really bond is by just sitting down together and eating a sandwich together. She literally is just a blank slate like Kirito is. I actually found it hilarious when a sandwich fell on the ground and it just suddenly disappeared. Just a random moment that happened. I’d also kick myself in the back if I didn’t mention how dumb it was when probably the worst character ever in Episode 11 Yui is playing in a forest and the thought that permeates these twos minds is to adopt her without maybe just simply asking why she’s there in the first place and probably just playing around or maybe ask if she actually has parents to begin with. No let’s just kidnap a little girl and adopt her. That’s what I think when I see a little girl on the street. Let’s take her in and keep her. Yui also has no other purpose then just being Kirito’s powerup dispenser. I actually nearly had a breakdown when she died in the next episode and for no reason and it’s actually explained she’s an A.I. created by Kayaba so he’s actually her father but with no purpose because Reki Kawahara couldn’t think of any real character for her. In the thirteenth episode, we get introduced to more filler because why not waste more time with nonsense. In this episode, Kirito goes fishing and fights a giant 4 legged fish. The show then becomes a comedy for half the runtime with everyone just goofily running away until Asuna just steps also and one shots the thing. Just a total waste of time right before the fight with Kayaba. The fourteenth episode is probably the most baffling thing I’ve ever seen in my life. This episode right here really takes the cake for one of the laziest showdowns to ever exist in a fictional work. I find it jarring to me that it’s revealed that Heafcliff is actually Kayaba. Not that it was a surprise but it’s just magically figured out in Kirito’s head that he’s Kayaba because at this point, Reki got sick of his story and just wanted it to end at this point. I don’t even get how he even made himself the final boss. I mean, if he was also able to hack people’s minds to forget things, then why not make every boss fight impossible to beat? Why not just kill everyone already if that was your goal to begin with? Even more baffling is that this terrible confrontation takes place on Floor 75 and not 100 which not only breaks the rules of the series which it establishes but also is terrible for being too lazy to show you anything on the final floor. When Kirito also seemingly dies, he suddenly magically comes back and kills Kayaba. No phoenix down or anything to revive him. Just pure magic. Yeah, I don’t know about you guys but 0 HP should mean you’re dead and it’s game over. Kayaba’s last words are also the biggest pretentious load of crap I’ve ever heard in my life. He states as if he was a good guy that all he wanted to do was build a castle but that’s really a load of crap because all he really did was kill 10K people for no reason or tried to. Like why does he care about something when all he did was kill people for no reason? How frigging bad is your series when it doesn’t even realize this about it’s character? The Aincrad Arc is awful. The character relationships suck, the premise is totally weak and ridiculous, the fights suck, the world building is unrealistic, and it’s villains are pretentious retards with meaningless dialogue. You’d think the series would actually end here in the fourteenth episode as it then makes you wonder what could possibly make up the remaining 11 episodes. Not planned well huh buddy? Well, oh boy will I tell you. Part 2: The Alfheim Arc (Eps. 15 - 25) Episode 14 should’ve actually been the last episode in the first season but instead they decided to take everything in Aincrad and somehow make everything even worse than it already was before and bathwater it with lots of soap. The series actually breaks its own premise with the death game so now there isn’t even a real concept anymore. One reason Alfheim is worse somehow than the glorious Aincrad Arc is because of nonsense like this. In Aincrad, at least I understood the concept to a certain degree and I understood its a death game. In Alfheim, it just randomly rather becomes a rescue mission rather than even a coherent frigging idea at this point. It actually would’ve made more sense alone if Kayaba was defeated in Episode 25 instead of having this entire frigging arc that was so frustrating to get through that I had to take a break between episodes to pure my sanity. That is just barely scratching the surface of everything wrong with Alfheim Online. I actually questioned if this was even the second worst arc I’ve ever put myself through with the first only being the arc where Suzuha met Daru in the future in Steins;Gate 0. Maybe only rivaled by Roe 2 in Log Horizon (Season 2) which was equally as bad as this was. Kirito enters a hospital and finds Asuna laying in a room where she is still somehow trapped in a video game even after all this time trying to fight through and free each other from Aincrad. I have no idea how she manages to still have a coma after Kayaba literally got butt plugged by Kirito in the last battle and we literally saw Aincrad crumble before our eyes. They should all be freed from playing it but I guess being killed in a video game sounds like a lot of fun to these people so let’s keep playing them. Here, also meet Sugou. He’s one of the worst written villains ever in a fictional work. It’s very clear to me that the only real intention this character has is to actually do sexual intercourse with Asuna. You literally see him stroke her hair in a very unsettling manner and he even asks to be her brother just so he could marry her. This guy actually has a smaller penis than even Kirito does and that’s actually saying something. I also want to mention that it makes absolutely no sense people are playing a game six months while people were stuck in Aincrad. Seriously, has Reki Kawahara ever heard of cops before arresting people? Getting past that horrible episode, let’s dissect some of this crap. Let’s talk about how ridiculous it is when Sugou states that he adjusted the routers to direct players out of Aincrad and what he also does to Asuna. It really sounds more to me like penetration rather than trapping people at this point. I just had fun laughing at how ridiculous this is. How in the name of God is it possible to actually transport people from one game to another? That’s like sending Geralt from The Witcher over to Sonic The Hedgehog as a cameo by downloading the characters magically. This isn’t only something that doesn’t make sense with Sugou’s plan as it’s utterly hilarious as we don’t even know or see what happened to everybody else that played Aincrad but you’ll easily notice the same issue when Yui returns for Kirito. Yui is undoubtably one of the worst written characters ever created. I’m not even sure if I could even call her a character. Nearly every line of her dialogue is saying “Daddy” over and over again. Not only that but somehow, all of Kirito’s stats from a different video game are just magically handed to him in a completely different game so now they create a total excuse just for Kirito to be the most overpowered character ever when it doesn’t even make sense that you can just transfer the same data from video game to video game like hotcakes. Yui shouldn’t even exist now because it’s stated herself is connected to a previous game where she literally died and now she’s back running in a different game. At this point, Reki Kawahara needs to stop smoking weed because why don’t I slam Ganondorf into Forza Motorsport at this point? Yeah, have him race a Bugatti Veyron for some reason? He just expects you to believe that things can just easily be transported from game to game. Sugou’s plan arguably makes even less sense than Kayaba’s at this point and Yui’s character is like a barf bag because of this nonsense. Going back to Sugou, let’s talk about him and Asuna. The guy frigging acts stupid and keeps her trapped in a cage always saying “I won’t hurt you.” when we know right from touching her and pulling a ribbon around her boobs obviously what his real intentions are. This guy is the biggest wimp I’ve ever seen. He doesn’t even act threatening or menacing and decides to even leave Asuna to do diddly squat and never even does anything to anyone. Why, is he that weak he can’t even hunt down and kill his own trapped victims? What’s even the point of trapping people when you’re now probably even too scared to do anything? Even at least Kayaba acted a little threatening. Sugou doesn’t even do anything. He just wonders if he can screw Asuna. That’s his only real plan. It impresses me to write a character this bad. Now moving on to harem situations, let’s meet Suguha. Shall we say her name? Suguha’s incest feqel matter is what turned Sword Art Online from just being terrible into actually being one of the worst anime ever made. This girl and honestly this whole arc shouldn’t even exist as it just interferes with Kirito trying to save Asuna. You remember back when I complained about Rem from RE: Zero - Starting Life In Another World and thought she was a terrible character because the show spent so much time developing her bond with Subaru and being a harem as it only interfered with Emilia who was actually supposed to be his girlfriend and actually is? Not only that but try to lecture a cool backstory and give her powers? That was awful right? Well Sword Art Online has that that same exact problem and boy is it disgusting with they do with Suguha. Not only do they give her cool abilities where she gives Kirito the powerup turning into a monster when he was in trouble but they actually try giving an excuse for their feelings when technically Kirito and Asuna are married. When Suguha was introduced, I already immediately saw red flags as in reality, she shouldn’t even exist as a character. Kirito never had a sister and only now it’s important we learn about her because apparently it wasn’t bad enough in Aincrad but now we take it to an entire different level here in Alfheim and now instead of one episode, let’s run it through the whole arc as now we have another emotionless object fighting over Kirito. The worst part in this whole relationship was when we actually got Kirito’s backstory. Here it’s explained that Kirito’s parents left him and his sister alone when he was 12. Why parents would ever leave their kids like this is totally beyond me. I would never do that if I had kids. After that, Kirito spent his whole life after playing video games because like every other generic isekai protagonist, he’s a mental shut in. This whole backstory thing plays off as a whole reason for Leafa’s feeling for Kirito. To put this much development into a relationship that interferes with the main romance, I think that really says how little Reki Kawahara must of interacted with real people outside his house. He has absolutely no idea how love works. By the way, that’s his sister. I just want to let you know how gross that is. Before moving onto the final battle, I just want to state this. Kirito somehow managed to build his own computer when he was 6 years old. I don’t know. Most people that age probably still act like wetting the bed is funny. Episode 24 is hysterically bad. This may even be the worst final confrontation I’ve ever seen. After Kirito gets pummeled, he watches Sugou literally try to assault Asuna right in front of him. At this point, Sugou has ripped off his testicles and thrown them in the garbage at this point. Kayaba literally comes back and tell Kirito about what a cool person Kirito is and Kirito tells Sugou that Kayaba was a strong man even though he killed thousands of people for no reason. Kirito gets back up and destroys Sugou like a piece of candy and basically calls it a day by mercilessly staking him with a giant cleaver. It also almost feels like there’s just a little emotion when Asuna is saved by Kirito but it doesn’t feel likes it’s earned and that’s the problem. Not only do I not care about their relationship as it’s just surface crap but Kirito didn’t actually do anything to save her. He just randomly found her and said “Let’s screw this joint.”. All Kirito did until this point was screw around with other women when instead it would’ve actually been much better if he instead had balls and tried looking for where Asuna could be and some clues. Not only that but give more things to actually buy into their relationship. When you think about it, Suguha basically screws their relationship and every other harem member. Dude, this guy needs to stop playing video games. I’m telling you. The final episode is even worse when at this point Kirito then finds Sugou’s real form and kills him with his broken arm mind you and for no reason, Sugou’s eye fogs up. The ending of SAO fires one last bullet when everyone is now actually excited to fly to Aincrad and seriously Aincrad when it killed thousands of people wrapping up the toilet fiasco Sword Art Online as one of the worst things I’ve ever seen. Soundtrack: The first OP is average but the second OP sounds a bit generic. The ending songs are also mediocre. The OST surprisingly is actually pretty decent and kind of fits the atmosphere in the show. Art + Animation: The animation is actually pretty solid believe it or not. While the character designs are weak kind of like Sugou’s gay fairy costume, the backgrounds actually looks pretty nice. Conclusion: Overall, I hate Sword Art Online. There’s a reason why so many people hate it. When I see moments of Kirito and Asuna, it has surface emotion to it surprisingly like when they were walking together but it really means nothing because Reki really has no idea how to write a real relationship. It’s obvious the guy has never had any idea what a video game is because of the fact he can’t even get how the market works. All the villains are lame and over the top and this show sucks. I really could make this post longer as I know I’ve missed some things but I’ll list things in the comments things I’ve missed. A post can only be so long unfortunately by hitting it’s limit. That’s why Sword Art Online gets a 0/10 (Incomprehensible) despite still not being worse than Steins;Gate 0. What did you think of Sword Art Online. Hope you can’t wait for more awesome reviews and have a great day.
2020.02.18 10:18 fractalfayWhere did you get your degree from? Google? Recap of the Tell Nothing, Parts 1 AND 2.
That gunshot you just heard is the gods of reality putting this season out of its misery like Old Yeller, before ordering us all to dig the hole to hide the body as punishment for enabling this travesty. I don’t know who I’m apologizing to, but I’m sorry. Max and CeCe’s supporting cast gather to collect their last $5K from TLC (for now), and rehash what we’ve endured like Tom Hanks talking to a volleyball. Shaun struggles to veil her contempt for children, emotion, and everyone wearing that tragic navy-red-black combo on stage. Tania arrives wearing a boot, which is apparently the result of a car accident. Shaun: Is Syngin helping you around the house? Tania: Did you mean shed? Syngin: Helping her? Did you watch this season, Shaun? Shaun: No. Tania: Look, I’ve organized everything in this chore wheel, because I’m very goal oriented. The yellow chores are Syngin’s. Shaun: The whole chart is yellow. Tania: Exactly. Syngin: … The Janitor: Manager says it’s no good. This somehow transitions to everyone’s sexy seks, and props to Shaun for summoning the courage to listen to the gritty details of their intimate lives while taking in the odors of Burger King and armpit. They quickly exhaust blurred-out underwear and uncomfortable references to making porn in limousines, so Jasmin is taken to task for passing on degreasing post-plane with a Darcy airport bathroom hoedown hose down, in favor of an actual shower in her actual hotel room, with actual soap and water. No word on why this desire for hygiene is a source of scorn. After a 20 hour flight the hotel better just leave a full basket of tiny bottles of shampoo and individually wrapped bars of soap, along with two Brillo pads, an army of towels, a giant bag of diatomaceous earth, and a five gallon bucket to seal up the fouled travel clothes before they can be safely burned. This hygiene crackdown is really about Jasmin’s failure to mount Blake in the Uber, so everyone lines up in a queue to imitate ihavesex. Anny and Robert declare they fuck in the shower and living room, and that’s why Amazon won’t deliver packages to their house anymore. Angela announces that she had sex 38 times in two weeks when she visited Michael. I would like to know how much cranberry juice she consumed in the UTI aftermath. Mike chimes in that he and Natalie rocked out two or three times a day. Apparently the best route to a nonstop fuckfest is only seeing your partner 30 days a year. Or being 22. Tania is huffing away at Syngin’s armpit, taking in all the spices that Jasmin doesn’t want on her food. Shaun interrupts her odor eating to ask about the decision to ditch Syngin for 30 days. Tania insists that this is a decision they arrived at TOGETHER, and this appears to be Syngin’s first time hearing this theory. Communal decision making, Tania style: Tania: I’m going to Costa Rica. Syngin: But — Tania: I’ll be back in 30 days. Syngin: Okay, but — Tania: Bye! Here’s what I kinda wish happened: Shaun: Tania, you left for 30 days. Let’s talk about that. Tania: No. (Scene.) On the denial side of the sofa, Emily continues to insist that cheating on your spouse to impregnate and wed another woman is the natural consequence of negativity. “Meesha doesn’t remember her past as well as I do,” Emily explains. I’m not sure how Meesha has misrepresented her relationship with Sasha, exactly, and neither is Sasha, so he just mumbles about her unwillingness to own up to her mistakes. Then Shaun comes in with the flying crane to ask Sasha about his own mistakes. “Cereal? Cereal choices. I made bad cereal choices.” Their questionable origin story exhausted, it’s time to fondly reminisce on all those times Sasha called Emily fat, because who didn’t have “you need to lose weight” written on the underside of their candy heart this Valentine’s Day? They bring Betsy out for some douchebag-to-English translation, and she wearily climbs the pulpit to preach her sermon to deaf ears. Betsy: This isn’t about Emily being healthy, it’s about what she looks like. Sasha: I can help her with this. I know one nutritions. See? Calories. Proteins. Eggs. See? Betsy: Oh, you’re a nutritionist now? Where did you get your degree from, google? Everyone: We accept her we accept her, one of us! One of us! Ever defensive, Emily explains that she wants to look the way she did before her hips spread to accommodate a human, but she works full time, then comes home and wants to see the baby, then doesn’t get to sleep through the night because of the baby. No word on WTF Sasha is doing when she’s working full time and not sleeping, but I’m just going to guess it’s the gym and also the gym, and bench pressing little David before nap time. Betsy notes that folks put unrealistic pressure on new moms, and Sasha’s comments aren’t encouraging or helpful. Seriously, Emily just gave birth to the Hercules of babies. That kid probably walked out smoking a cigarette. My bladder is compressed down to a pea from the memory of watching it. If all of her internal organs have wandered back to their correct places, she deserves to be carried through town on the back of a float. Sasha: I want her to organize her Instagram account around a weight loss journey. Tania: Journey. Syngin: Journey. Shaun: Journey. (Pulls flask from under chair.) Emily: I have reasons for doing this, and they are not Sasha’s reasons, but other reasons that are reasonable. About me. And my weight loss journey, that I’m about to begin, on instagram, so you can journey on my journey as part of my journey. Betsy says that Sasha is dependent on Emily and her family right now, and Emily’s not going to see what he’s truly like until that dependence ends. Emily reminds Betsy that they were together in Russia, and “He was home when he could be.” Emily is not a defense attorney. This is for the best. Juliana, the unexpected heartbreaker of the season, details her family’s expectation that she send money back to them, after she maxed out Michael’s credit card taking care of them. Now they’re living in her house in Brazil and Juliana is still paying the bills to keep it running, but they don’t talk to her. Juliana needs to join the team over at raisedbynarcissists, because they may have an opening. Somehow, Shaun sashays away from this gut punch, and I kinda don’t blame her, because what kind of follow-up question can you lob when she’s crying about her monster family using her as the primary source of income? Things get more awkward when Sarah enters to talk about things that don’t matter to this show. Here’s what I wish happened: Shaun: Sarah, can you tell us why you got divorced? Sarah: No. I have children backstage. What the fuck Shaun? (Scene.) Instead: Shaun: Sarah, can you detail the painful unraveling of your 12 year marriage? We’re really bothered by how peacefully you’ve been interacting with Juliana. That violateS Clause 24-A of your contract. Sarah: Oh. Michael: I’m going to dance around this midlife crisis by not calling it a midlife crisis. I traveled and stuff. For freedom. And America. Sarah: You got a 20 year old bride and a sports car. This is not advanced math. Robert: I can count to five…children. Michael: But I wasn’t like, free enough for freedom, at this point in my journey. Shaun: Journey. Fucking journey. Sarah: Ah, you’re talking about the break in responsibility that only middle-aged men and Larissa are allowed to have. Okay then. Perfect couple Sarah and Juliana bravely stand up to the tyranny of Shaun’s cards, and describe themselves as sisters. Such a warm display of camaraderie inspires Shaun to wow and move on. I hope they come back for a second season, when Michael goes on a multi-month business trip, and they finally open up that restaurant selling fried green tomatoes and sorrow-inspired wisdom. Finally, Max and CeCe come out with DJ Khaled’s “All I do is Win” blaring in the background, and I fully support these two riding high on public sentiment. Since they have more sense than 80% of the bodies half asleep on stage, Shaun asks for relationship advice. Max: It might be a good idea to, you know, learn something about the culture you’re marrying into. Anna: What just happened? Robert: I don’t mean no disrespect, but what’s another culture? Anna: I think this app is rebooting. Can you hear me? Hello? Mursel? Hello? Joey, are you mad at me? He’s mad at me. Mike: You know, it’s…you know. Who knows? Tania: Oh, I already know ALL about South Africa. Mursel: Dinglehopper. Michael: I have learned many things about champagne and caviar diet on malt liquor budget. Now that everyone has the spins, Shaun is on pins and needles to learn who this widdle biddy children liked the best in the previous season. Calm down, Shaun. Max is 12; he’s not hoping you hand him a lollipop. He didn’t show up wearing one of those hats with a propeller on the top. Max: I like Tania and Syngin, for being an actual couple. Shaun: CeCe? CeCe: I like Mike and Natalie, because of how they are together. Like how Mike gets red and looks in a different direction with fearful eyes when they get too close to the truth, and Natalie says, “I cannot” and says she will say no more before she says more. “I cannot” is going to be my first tattoo. Max: I said that was going to be my first tattoo. CeCe: No you didn’t. Max: Yes, I did. Natalie: I cannot. Anny recalls her season spent enduring the cruelty of her husband’s porn-in-law Stephanie, who is desperate for 30 seconds of fully-clothed camera time, which you might recall she spent feigning wealth by threatening to write an unsigned and undated bad check to prove Anny’s true intention: to ride a rainbow down into Robert’s waiting pot of no-gold. No word on whether “bed for Bryson” has made anyone’s shopping list, but we’ve learned enough about the extended part of this family to wonder if Bryson could have some abandonment issues or PTSD, and the kid could probably use some comfort. Anny isn’t miserable yet, so they trot out Stephanie and Ben to claw at the camera and make a feeble case for asking Anny intrusive questions about birth control. As people who raised a daughter who is nowhere to be found, obviously they have concerns about the grandchild they don’t see and the sex habits of the person they’re not fucking. I mean, what if she has a child? That will take away from Bryson! Don’t Anny and Robert understand children desperately want to remain alone? Robert points out that if Anny has a child that kid will have two parents to raise it instead of one, unlike Robert’s four other kids. Everyone: Hey Shaun, want to ask a question about his relationship with those kids? I mean, we’re asking about Sarah’s divorce, so it’s only fair. Are they in New York, what is the custody arrangement here? Shaun: Let’s move on. What are we moving on to, exactly? Mursel and Anna’s Little Mermaid relationship. As you might recall from the Hans Christian Anderson tale or the Disney classic, Mursel trades life under the sea and his ability to communicate, for a chance to live on solid ground with the bees, and comb his hair with a fork. Shaun says that she doesn’t understand how they can fall in love when Mursel’s entire family is underwater. Anna: He can English! Mursel: Yes. How are you? Thank you, drive thru. I’m a single lady, I’m a single lady. Stay in your lane. Shaun: I’m going to cross my arms to shield myself from your bullshit. Anna: People fall in love without any ability to communicate all the time. Everyone: Okay, that’s accurate. Anna remains flummoxed as to why her children would be suspicious of a total stranger with talking lobsters for friends moving into their house. For the first time, I appreciate Tania’s penetrating stare. Shaun: You guys have been through the ringer. Sure, you created all your problems — Tania: Same. Emily: Same. Anny: It is not the same. Natalie: I want Michael to answer if we have created all of our problems. Juliana: My problems are thousands of miles away. Shaun: Have you thought about creating new problems? Anna: Well, for starters, I’m not going to carry Mursel’s baby, because of science. Mursel’s family doesn’t need to know this. Mursel: No science under sea. Now we transition to Soulmaxit, or Soulmate Gate, or the Bottom of the Souler Coaster, or Souled Out (I could do this all day). Is it me, or does it seem like Tania’s secret intent is to announce to her first love, wherever he may be, that she still holds a candle for him? Never you mind, because the confusion of this explanation and Tania’s discomfort collide to split a hole in the universe, and Robert decides to walk through this and make a moment for Anny. Robert: If that’s not your soulmate, why are you together? No disrespect, but I am ready to crusade against the dictionary providing multiple definitions, because Anny is my soulmate. She is my heart, my partner, my grey matter, my direct deposit, my shadow, the wind beneath my wings, the alpha and the omega, my everything, my nothing, my layaway, my tax deduction, my buy one get one free. Anny: (smiles). Tania: I am trying to awkwardly explain this, Mr. 8 Hour Fiancé. Anna: I’m strangely smug about this. Does anyone know why I’m smug? Mursel: What? Okay. Syngin: Remember a few minutes ago, when I said I didn’t know whether or not I wanted to have kids? Thanks for skating right past that, Shaun. Tania: I’m supposed to anoint this dude my soulmate, and I don’t even know if I’m going to have to divorce him in two years for the sake of procreation? WTF. Natalie: (tears.) I understand. Mike also does not know workings of biological clock. Mike: Well, yeah but. Um. Yeah. Sasha: If you have some relationship in the past, don’t tell us about it. I know as a man I was married twice, but I wasn’t there either time. Emily: Yes, they were so negative. Shaun: Yeah, what about that second marriage? Do you think you can have more than one soul mate. Sasha: It was good, and then I went to the gym. Natalie, how are you doing? Shaun: Right. And how does all this make you feel, Syngin. Syngin: I feel like running into the bush. Paul: I’ve got you fam. Do you have your body condom and a few locks of your mom’s hair? It’s important to be prepared. Part 2! Now that we’ve covered the porn-in-law, Robert’s human pyramid of children, and the emotional complexities of facebook photos, we’re ready to explore Angela being flummoxed about Michael’s rejection for the K1, when Mursel got a K1, pretended to leave the country, and then pretended to return. Googling “travel ban” might illuminate things for Angela, but the websites explaining this end in .gov and are probably listed under fake news. They show us Michael’s tearful reveal that he had been rejected, which caused normally stiff lipped Angela to waiver while one of her grandchildren looked on. Michael tears up again when they revisit their frustration, and I know the dude is gunning for America like it’s where gasoline runs like a river down the road, but I do believe he legit loves Angela. There are easier women to coax towards a K1 if that were his only ambition. And, once again, Angela chokes up too, and needs to be gently pulled through this difficult moment by the rest of the cast. What about Shaun? Fuck that, she’s ready to floor it over the cliff, so she announces the return of Angela’s least favorite Nigerians, the Goofballs ™. They revisit the moment Michael pimp-slapped the glasses off his friend’s face for talking down his would-be wife, and Angela can barely restrain her lady boner as he professes his love for her to his friends. The Slappee then greets Angela by calling her a pumpkin. “Good one,” says Sasha. Fat shaming is so fucking boring. They start calling Angela trashy, which Angela doesn’t deny, in favor of declaring herself better trash than they ever hope to bin. She threatens to walk offstage if they don’t drop the goofballs, and she storms off and Michael does the same. Both are brought back, and Shaun says farewell while mouthing “call me” to make sure they appear on whatever Angela season comes next. Robert points out that misery loves company, and the goofballs are better off together. “Three way relationships do have their perks,” Michael chimes in. Angela seems relieved to have another straight talking person on stage, so Angela cranks it back down to a 3. She expresses gratitude to Michael for sticking by her through her insecurities. Michael and other folks chime in that they’ve also lost friends because of their marriage choices, because some people are going to have a problem with it. This is one of the realist moments in Tell All history, so let’s just bask in this vulnerability and tenderness for a mom- Shaun: SPEAKING OF TRASHBAG FRIENDS HI BLAKE. Blake, who may or may not be a fan of Toni Morrison’s The Bluest Eye, is forced to revisit the extrovert demands of his needy, immature gaggle of friends. Rita and Everett once again express the same disappointment that Jasmin has failed to have the set of responses they’ve decided everyone should have, because there’s only one person and one reaction that they understand. Thankfully, Ole Blue Eyes isn’t having it, and seems to know they need an empathy workshop, so he says that his friends are not the only thing in his life. Dude is ready to husband. Mike, on the other hand, is ready to promote Atheism, the Official Religion of the PacNW, and is bracing to come out as a Scientologist — but not today! Mike, I have questions: 1.) Other life makes sense. Why do you think other life is more intelligent? 2.) If other life is more intelligent, do you think they’re smart enough to just do a drive-by of earth and keep right on going? 3.) Have you considered that maybe visiting earth is like a trip to the zoo, where you watch the monkeys throw poo at each other, buy a snow cone, and leave? Religion remains one of their sticking points, and Shaun and everyone else presses and presses at Natalie’s inability to say that she loves Mike, while expressing little curiosity as to why she feels that way. Shaun: Syngin, could you marry someone who can’t say that she loves you? Syngin: No, Tania goes with “my first love was my soulmate” instead. Anna: We always express our love to each other. Mursel: Keep the change, thank you! Natalie is so sick of being cast as the bad guy that she talks about betrayal and drops heavy hits that some Real Shit went down. We get the story out in strands, with Natalie stating that he stayed the night at a female friend’s house the day before that friend got married. This girl saw fit to message Natalie to tell her that Mike was never going to marry her. The whole cast is putting the screws to Mike, and he’s just about to crack when Shaun asks if he’s willing to go to the Ukraine to win her back. Oh, Shaun. There you are, shitting the bed again. You don’t need to be a genius to coax information out of someone, especially if they’re desperate to deliver it. HEY MIKE: how did your friend’s fiancé feel about you staying the night? Did they get married the next day as they planned? What happened at the house, exactly? Did you know Natalie received a message from your friend? What did that message say? Are you still friends with this person? Do you think that friendship will be an issue going forward? HEY NATALIE: What did the message from his friend say? How did she interpret his staying the night? Do you feel like Mike isn’t taking your pain seriously? What does Mike need to do to earn back your trust? Shaun: Well, that concludes our JOURNEY! Thanks everyone! I need an exorcism! Thank you Patreon supporters, for your fearless support of my questionable work. Please keep doing it. Next up I’ll be recapping Before the 90 Days, while resenting the producers’ decision to include a serial abuser with a truly toxic history, marking a new reality television low. Thankfully, the cast includes someone who photographs pot leaves on top of salads, and Angela 2: Electric Boogaloo. I can’t wait.
2020.02.17 19:39 Burkion[Charred] The Final Hope- Chapter 17: Why We Fly
“You killed him!” Those were the most painful words Arch Hall ever endured. Melissa, eyes as red as her hair, shouting him down. His younger sister, the only person he rightfully could have claimed to love. The pain, betrayal and misery on her face, it tore at his very soul. She was going to marry a no account lout without a single notable family to his name. Well Arch Hall couldn’t allow that, could he? Certainly not. So he took the young man aside and talked him into joining the royal army, so that he could make a name for himself. Make something of himself. He’d be little more than a soldier, but if Arch Hall pulled some strings, he could easily rise to something approaching worthwhile. And then the USSR stepped on their neck and he lost his life. What was his name? Arch Hall wasn’t sure anymore. Fredrick? Douglas? It didn’t matter. It shouldn’t have mattered. But the bastard knocked up Melissa before he left. “Why is nothing ever good enough for you!” She continued railing against him. He couldn’t answer her because she would never accept it. She was the only one who exceeded his expectations, always. Kind, strong, smart, she was the best person he ever knew. She deserved better than that lout could have given her! “You are a failure.” No longer was he staring at his dear Melissa. A thousand unnameable creatures and shifting shapes stretched out before him. Arch Hall tried to step away, staggering in pain as his limbs twisted. Skin splitting, a hard shell burst from within him as he collapsed into what would have been a heap, if not for his limbs breaking themselves to keep himself off the ground. “A failure! A threat to all that we hold dear! That is what you are!” Arch Hall tried to plead, tried to fight, but could barely focus over the pain and shame that clung to him. “I don’t blame you.” The alien phantoms rose up as shadows, stretching across the horrid landscape that tore across the nightmarish plane. Only one was still solid, still alive. So alive. Young, angled purple eyes, a turquoise carapace that he tried so hard to fix. Long legs, powerful wings, slender arms, befitting a scout. So young. Why did such a fate... Arch Hall blinked. The strange, alien creature before him twisted, turning back into the young lad who was ruined by the gas. Again the young man looked at him with pitiful eyes. “You tried your best, didn’t you?” Arch Hall’s vision focused. His awareness was drawn out of the hateful, dreadful abyss once more, the Invader busy with its machinations and machines. The Invader was glowering at the screen. Arch Hall able to feel its, his? Emotions running over him. Washing over him. The distinction between alien and human was blurring. Yet why, that still eluded him. The entity did not bleed information into Arch Hall, only the occasional word, unless he was trapped in the abyssal state that was the void. A feeling of anxiousness filled his mind, even as a liquid sloshed through his throat. Almost like mucus from a nasty cold, it felt tangible and thick. What was that other alien? So vividly remembered, so much sorrow and some kind of mix of pride that swelled with him. Arch Hall shook, threatening to lose himself again. Glaring up at the screen, he watched a different travesty, the source of the Invader’s present state. The mutated Duke tore his way through the forest, vines snapping out at his massive frame. He was drawn towards the twisted tree tower, from which the vortex of cold emminated. The Invader’s anxiousness seemed drawn to that, fearing that the prisoner within would be freed. Why, Arch Hall could not understand. No time. No time. Duke stopped, bellowing a muted roar before charging the tower. Arch Hall jerked at the thoughts and was physically jerked as the Invader scuttled into his ship. Only now Arch Hall was not removed from his own awareness, was not submerged into the darkness of his own mind. He remained on vigil, the Invader’s worry burning hot around him. Need her contained. Need her pure. Cannot allow her escape. Must act myself. No time. No time. No time. No time. On and on those words repeated, a mantra that drummed Arch Hall near into submission. Time? Time for what? What time was running out? The Invader did not reply. If either by choice, or because he no longer noticed Arch Hall, the human could not say. Again his vision doubled, could see. Incomprehensible technology was laid out before them, the Invader connecting his free tendrils into glowing circuits. Lights took form around them, a solid shape that Arch Hall was mesmerized by. Holograms. Holo...grams? More and more Arch Hall found the separation between the two slip away. The oppressive feeling of liquid draining from his cranium was getting worse. Yet his attention was again brought to the moment, the Crystal Fortress opening and the Crystal Chariot emerging. Moving silently, the ship approached the one called Duke Kingston. What was Duke Kingston. The mutation snarled at them. Ingrate. They had granted him so much power, such a strong body, graced him with their miracle! This is how he wished to repay them? The crystals hummed with power, Arch Hall stalling. His thoughts, those were his thoughts. Not the Invaders. Then the rush overtook him, a tidal wave of emotion. Lightning burned from the sky, tearing apart the frost covered evergreen. Duke nimbly dodged out of the way, the flames already snuffing out in the presence of the vortex of cold behind the ship. Duke tensed up, every exposed muscle rippling, before launching himself at the Crystal Chariot. An easy thing to move away from. In theory, they could simply rise higher, or move to the side. Yes, an easy thing, if not for an unforeseen complication. The forest, seething and living as much as anything, launched vines and roots towards them. Latched onto the back of the ship. This too was an outrage, even as the whole of the Crystal Chariot shuddered when Duke slammed into the hull. This forest would be nothing but a mass of trees without their miracle! Now it was a living organism, powerful and growing! How dare they, how dare any of them strike against what their savior had given them! Again and again, Duke slammed his bloated, meaty fists into the canopy. “Enough of this!” The whole Crystal Chariot flashed with green fire, Duke hurled away into the forest. The vines and roots were reduced to ash. Duke rose again only to be burned further, electric bolts striking true. Brought to his knees, Duke let out a feral cry of pain. Die, savage! Be reduced to the ash that you deserve to be! We gave you everything, the keys to ascend beyond your pitiful, miserable species and you throw it back in our face! This will not stand! Duke could stand, he could heal, but not in the face of this onslaught, and especially not fast enough to replace the flesh burning away. When the mutation fell, smoke pouring from his mouth, only then did the Crystal Chariot cease. Turning towards Point Hope, Arch Hall’s head picked up. They must be dealt with. They have the machine. The people could be collected, or expunged. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. The mutations will be captured. Time was running out. There is no time. There is no time. No time. No time. No time. No time. No time. *** The skies over Korea could be beautiful. When the sun set just right, the lush forests were breathtaking. This is what Paul cherished, much more than anything else. If you fought a plane it wouldn’t work right. You had to find the rhythm of it, the way it breathed. The engines of the Starfire had a pleasant sound. The feeling of it struggling against the bonds of gravity, defying the laws of reality, brought a sense of freedom. That freedom could only be found with cooperating with your machine. That was the key that Skids struggled with. He thought he could be the master, give orders and have them followed. That wasn’t what being a pilot was about. “Hey, Badger!” Paul winced. Maybe if he ignored it, it would go away. “Badge! Can you hear me!” Paul looked back with a glare. “I hear you.” Well, he was free of most things up here, he thought with a wry smile. “What’s up, Rub?” “Just making sure that you’re still among the living. You get so damn quiet up there.” He sighed. “You know, you could give it a try sometime.” His friend snorted. “Tried it once, wasn’t for me. What you doing up there anyway?” “Thinking.” He looked back. “You could give that a try too.” “Funny shit, Badger.” Rub glared at him. “What’re you thinking about?” He leaned back in his seat. “You really want to know?” “I’m asking, ain’t I?” “You ever wonder why we’re here, Rub?” “Nah, I got a bible.” “That’s not what I-” “I know what you meant. I ain’t stupid.” Paul chuckled. “You’re a poet, you know that, Rub. Well?” His friend hummed. “I dunno, man. It always seemed too big for me, you know?” He scoffed. “Too big for you? Rub, you’re the one that’s here fighting!” “That’s just it!” The man argued. “We’re too close to it. I feel like I can’t see the forest for the trees.” “That’s bullshit. We’re killing people over here, Rub. Doesn’t that bother you?” “I mean, it does, but-” “But what?” He cut him off. “If you don’t say something, who-” “What are you ladies talking about?” NAFOD cut in. He sighed. “I was just-” “Badger be bitchin about why we’re here.” Rub answered. “Goddammit, Badger, what did I tell you about thinking too much?” Their lead’s annoyed voice sounded much clearer than usual. “Forgive me for wanting a reason to fight.” Paul looked out the window. The sunset was a brilliant, yet unsettling orange. “Reason to fight? Didn’t we issue you one?” “Ha ha, NAFOD.” Paul couldn’t keep the smile from his face, ignoring the orange horizon. “You’re tore up about this aren’t you?” His lead seemed concerned. “I just-” “He’s being a bitch.” Rub provided. “I’ll eject us both, Rub. Just to prove a point.” Paul promised, glaring back at the shit eating grin that waited for him. He heard NAFOD sigh. “Alright, you want the real reason you fight?” “Enlighten me.” Paul flipped off Rub. “He’s sitting right behind you.” NAFOD clearly had no idea why Rub burst out laughing, even as Paul shook his head, lowering the offending gesture. “He’s flying about a few hundred feet off your wing.” He continued smoothly. Paul sighed again. “NAFOD, I was talking big picture.” “That’s what you’ve never understood, Badge. There is no bigger picture. The man next to you? That’s all that matters. Everything else, that’s already been decided already. All that matters now is going home. We fight to live and to see ours live.” “Doesn’t it bother you though?” He heard the man tsk. “Course it does. We all think about it. But you know what I think about more? Seeing my wife and kid. I think about getting Rub home to his two- “Three.” His partner corrected. “-His three girlfriends. Badge, I get it. I really do, But there’s not a thing on God’s green earth right now that matters more to me than you bastards.” “D’awww.” “Shut the fuck up, Rub.” Paul shook his head. “It can’t be that simple.” NAFOD laughed. “Why not? What else is there? You’re my wingman. You’re my friend. I’m going to get you home. What about you, Rub?” “I’ll ice anybody I got to to get you dumbasses back.” “There, you see? It’s the people, Badge. It’s always been about the people.” “I-” “Don’t overthink it, man.” Rub comforted. “We’re here for you. You here for us?” In that moment, against every logical part of his brain, Paul had never been more sure of anything. “I’m here for you guys. Till the very end.” He was granted a few merciful moments of peace until Rub butted in again. “You’re flying like shit, you know.” Paul tossed a withering look back at his partner, which didn’t affect him in the slightest. “I swear to God.” Rub smirked, shrugging. “It’s the truth. You’ve been hitting every turbulent zone you could. You forget how to pilot that thing, Badger?” “I have not-” The jet suddenly shuddered as if in agreement with Rub. “Oh you shut up too.” NAFOD hummed. “Your flying has been pretty shoddy lately.” Paul stopped a moment, looking around him. He could see NAFOD’s jet picking up speed, but his voice was too clear. The usual crackle of radio was missing. His flying was shoddy? His entire service in the Korean War was spotless, he was the best pilot in his squad by a mile up until he was discharged. His eyes widened. He was discharged. In the past. This was, what, a memory? A dream? “Maybe something in between.” Paul jerked away from the controls. He was no longer in the Starfire, but instead in his old car. The Buick Series 40, bought used. There was a warmth to this car, the smell of aged seats and scuffed black finish. At the wheel, sitting as patiently as he had been in life, was his father. “Cars really aren’t so different from a plane. If you understand a car, if you go with it right, you can make it sing. Right, son?” Paul sunk into his seat, not wanting to look the apparition in the eye. Shame burned in Paul, unable to accept judgement from his father. Unwilling to know what he must think of how he turned out. “Right now you’re wonderin’, am I real or not? Are you just going crazy from the stress, or is that machine somehow in your head? Or maybe you can finally talk with your old man again, put some ills to rest, right?” “I don’t know.” “Boy that was always your problem. You make things so complicated in your soul. Everything has to have the weight of the world bearing down on you, or else you don’t matter.” What he feared was his father sighed. “Do you remember the moral of that fable? The one you and Arch Hall bandied about.” “...The Lady or the Tiger?” “That’s the one.” “I don’t understand.” “You will. Don’t worry so much about these things. You’re approaching them all wrong, son. You’ve forgotten why you fly.” “You’re one to talk. Worked yourself to an early grave.” “So I did. No pride in it. But I got you on the right path though, didn’t I? I can have pride in that.” Paul looked out the window of the car. It was pure white outside, a snowstorm unlike any other blowing. Yet in the distance, that tinge of orange. “This is the right path?” “Those people are relying on you. There ain’t many left, no sir, but it’s not about that. They need you. But you won’t be doing them any good if you don’t remember the most important thing about flying. The freedom of it. It makes you feel alive. Reminds you that you are alive.” Paul was quiet for a time. The car was idling, warmth coming from the engine. “I crashed this car. I was drunk, missed the curve. The steering wheel fought me, I remember. Like it didn’t want to crash.” “Dare say few things do.” “I’m scared.” “That’s your right. But, I raised you better than to respond to fear with anger. You’re a good man, Paul. No matter what you think you did, the only one who can punish you for the past is yourself. We are every person we have ever been. You are a soldier, yes, but you’re also my son. You’re the friend of that snot nosed brat from down the street. You’re the drunk that crashed this car. The man whose choice spared one friend’s life and cost the other. You are every demon and every angel you have ever been. Now you have to be what they need you to be. You need to put aside all of your ills and woes and be what you want to be. What you need to be.” Paul started to respond, stopping when he felt a gentle breeze pass over. Something was different, something had changed. The car remained the same, but looking to the side, instead of his father sat another man. An older man, late 40s, pale complexion. He looked familiar but Paul wasn’t sure why, like maybe he saw him in a photograph once. The man had strong, slim features, dark bags under his blue eyes, short graying hair and wore an old brown leather flight jacket. The jacket built into the pilot suit for Charred. “Otherwise, you’ll never die with a clear heart and a clean soul. That’s all any person can ask, isn’t it?” “I guess so.” Taking the door handle, Paul paused a moment. “What is your name?” The man smiled, hand entering his pocket at the front of the jacket. “You’ll know, one day.” Paul nodded. “I’m glad.” Opening the door to the storm Paul left the car. His form rapidly vanished, consumed by the cold. Edited by ArkosSloth: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) Join the Rumble Ranger Patreon to read ahead if you'd like, and get involved in a supportive giant monster and miscellaneous group- https://www.patreon.com/user?u=26643935
2020.02.07 21:20 mikestriesPlease Does ANYONE Relate? Confused & Obsessed with Trust, Partner's Mistakes, Legitimacy of My Feelings - Need Help, Advice - NEED TO VENT
Hi there, I hope you're doing OK. I don't want to make this post too long, but please do bear with me. I have OCD. It manifests primarily in intrusive thoughts and images and results in mental rumination compulsions to 'disprove', 'evidence', 'de-legitmise' and generally 'escape' the thought/image. The rumination compulsion if arduous, torturous, and if unsuccessful (which is very often!) induces even more amounts of anxiety. I also get some physical compulsions, like chain smoking cigarettes (which when aren't there, or I run out, sends me into a panicked frenzy) and reassurance seeking. Phew. Now onto the fun part! What is the target of my OCD? Well, this is what I'd like your advice on, or help with or.. I don't know, just Yes or No if you relate? Basically, people, are you out there??? I am in a relationship and have been for nearly a year. I'm really into this girl and I can see that without my OCD we make a great couple! Values match up, we get on great, great chemistry, all that jazz. Of course, OCD makes nothing that easy. My ROCD focuses on primarily trust, mistakes my partner has made and my feelings towards her. She hasn't fucked up anything big. Never cheated. Never would. She lied to me once about the relationship she had in the past (couple years before we met) with one of her male friends but she was cutting him out anyway and distancing herself and it wasn't anything really bad. Like all people she's made a few mistakes here and there. I have too. She had a really difficult upbringing and a terrible 7 year relationship with a narcissist that fucked her up a bit. She was still a bit fucked up when we met but she's always been loyal and as much as she was trying to find herself and her values when we met, she's never fucked me over in any big way at all and I don't think she ever would. I know she's loyal. All she wants is to be committed, be committed to and be happy. Where we are now, I can see how much she's grown and hey, like all people I also make and made some mistakes so I guess that's life. Or at least, you'd think it is. Problem is, my OCD seems to have made a target out of her mistakes. I obsess and obsess and obsess about times where I've felt worried and obsessed before and times where she may have messed up a little, questioning if there was anything deeper in it, would it happen again, does it matter if it happened or would again, is it really a big deal, why am I worried, what does it all mean, are my fears legit, putting myself in her shoes, trying to prove and disprove the legitimacy of the fear that is innate in those thoughts etc etc. etc. Then I get obsessions about MY feelings towards her. Do I love her, really? Should I be with her? Will I cheat on her? I know I wouldn't, but DO I REALLY know I wouldn't? What if I've complicated our relationship too much with my obsessing? Then I obsess about trust. Do I actually trust her? Can I trust her? Should I trust her? What if she does something to break my trust? Has she already done something to break my trust? How do I know if I trust her? Can I trust her when she drinks? Is there something I don't know that's happened? Has she lied to me? Then I obsess about relationship boundaries. What are the boundaries? How are they formed? What is EVERY single damn godforsaken variable that could ever happen that needs to be clarified? And then I get images of her in sexual situations with other people that disturb me. I also get sexual images related to other things (not her) which disturb me. And I cycle through various other obsessions, including morality, sometimes God, self loathing (this one's been a theme my whole life) and more. My OCD is definitely tied to my self loathing. That much I know. I don't know why I'm even writing this. It's debilitating. I'm waiting for a psychotherapy referral to come through. My whole life has become a constant battle with obsessions, rumination, reassurance seeking, compulsive smoking, self loathing followed by intermittent periods of relief that cascade again quickly into an anxiety induced coma of that which I just listed. And after all this, she's still there. Still with me. Still supporting me. Still willing to talk, support, be patient, in any way she can. She is actually incredible. And my damn obsessions show no gratuity. I get thoughts like "If she cares so much, why did she do X?" and X may have been annoying, or something to avoid, but it wasn't the end of the fucking world and it happened AGES AGO and has already been talked to DEATH and EXPLAINED to death and LEARNED FROM and it doesn't undermine the genuine displays of care, affection and support and love demonstrated. And so my brain churns: "Must disprove she doesn't care.""But what if she doesn't care?""Does this mean she doesn't care?""Am I being a fool?""How do I know if I'm being a fool?""What does X mean about the future? Should I be worried about the future?""What does X mean about Y and should I worry about Y?""What if I was in her shoes?""Now go over every variable outcome if the roles were reversed.""Must consider all variables to exact a judgement on this so I can free myself of this pain"it drones on robotically. And each of those above, which are themselves just a taster, includes a whole subset of thought processes which are triggered and compulsively cycle. I do appreciate her. I thank her and tell her I appreciate her and try to treat her the best I can. But the OCD, the depression it causes, it's dark, real dark, and I feel terrible for what I've put and am putting her through. And yet she's still here. And she says she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. How do I deserve this. My God, the irrationality of this disease (I use that term loosely) is in and of itself a travesty. Please. Anyone. Can you relate? EDIT: FYI, My OCD has been there before my relationship. I used drugs to medicate and dull the thoughts and my self loathing. Having quit drugs for about a year now my OCD and self loathing has returned with a renewed VENGEANCE! Dun dun DUN
2020.01.30 18:05 SaintRidleyWrestling Observer Rewind ★ Aug. 10, 1987
Going through old issues of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter and posting highlights in my own words, continuing in the footsteps of daprice82. For anyone interested, I highly recommend signing up for the actual site at f4wonline and checking out the full archives. FUTURE YEARS ARCHIVE: The Complete Observer Rewind Archive by daprice82
”It’s unusual when the result of a match is the top story of the week, but it isn’t everyday [sic] that Bruiser Brody gets pinned. Brody went down for the three count on July 27 against Abdullah the Butcher in Fort Worth. It’s the first time he’s been pinned in nearly seven years (fans today would be dying if Roman Reigns or Okada, or Becky Lynch or someone went almost seven years between being pinned). Dave figures this streak is probably one of the longest of its kind in wrestling history. The match was a cage match with no disqualifications and Abby’s Brass Knuckles championship at stake. For the finish, Brody had Abby pinned, but Gary Hart got on the apron and Brody fought with him through the cage, which allowed Abby to hit him with a foreign object to the throat to get the pin. Dave figures this must be setting up another cage match in the future at a big show - maybe the Labor Day show in Fort Worth.
Going off that, there are only four wrestlers active today who are in a position where they do no jobs at all: The Road Warriors, Hogan, and Riki Choshu. Hogan’s last job (a submission in the middle of the ring) was 5½ years ago to Antonio Inoki (who had a five year streak of his own until this past June, when he took the fall in a tag match to Masa Saito). Choshu’s last job was three years ago and to Inoki as well. The Road Warriors did their last job just under two years ago, losing the AWA tag belts to Jim Garvin and Steve Regal (to clarify, AWA’s Steve Regal is not a real man’s man). Andre, surprisingly, did his last job before Wrestlemania only ten months earlier, also submitting to Inoki in June 1986. Andre’s last job before that was in February 1984 when El Canek pinned him in Mexico City, and that was the first job Andre did since getting pinned by Inoki about six years previous. For contrast, Ric Flair’s last job was against Dusty Rhodes (pinfall) a few weeks ago in Greensboro, and he’s also lost falls in tag matches but isn’t doing that anymore, it seems.
Corrections - Dave had some errors regarding Houston last week, including some names he erroneously said were coming in to WWF. First, August 28 will indeed be Paul Boesch’s last card at Sam Houston Coliseum, but they aren’t (yet - next week this changes) advertising the show as Boesch’s retirement. You’d think they’d make a big deal of him, since he’s been a fixture of Houston wrestling for almost 40 years, but no. Anyway, several of the wrestlers coming to work that show are being booked as independent workers, not being brought into the WWF as part of the roster, and that means Tom Prichard, Mark Lewin, and Jim Duggan are only scheduled for this show. Tony Atlas is being brought in for this show as well. There are no plans whatsoever, Dave’s told, to bring Duggan back. Notable matches will include Hogan vs. One Man Gang, Sherri vs. Moolah, Duggan vs. DiBiase, Bruno vs. Hercules Hernandez, and Beefcake vs. Johnny V in a hair match. With the update on Duggan, Dave thinks it’s a major mistake if Crockett doesn’t hire him ASAP. Negative press has blown over and he has a huge following in UWF cities and is now known nationally thanks to his short WWF run.
[WWF] Dave really hates Mr. T. “In 1986, when Mr. T nearly single-handedly made a travesty out of Wrestlemania II, there were many of us who thought that pro wrestling would be rid of this egomaniacal idiot. Thankfully, it took 15 months before Titan forgot that in almost every city, the fans cheared its No. 1 heel, Roddy Piper, instead of this supposed media-made face and that the card was hardly a box-office success.” Tell us how you really feel, Dave. Mr. T has been back as a referee for WWF for two weeks, and while Dave can’t say he’s been an anti-draw, it’s clear he’s not putting asses in seats and now even WWF can see it. His return to WWF a couple weeks ago in Toronto drew 6000 fans, which sounds good except it’s the lowest they’ve drawn in Toronto in years (the card was weak, so Dave can’t blame T for that). Dave goes through attendance numbers and every show except the July 24 Baltimore show had him refereeing Savage vs. Honkytonk and the crowd being well below average. So once this tour is done, that should put an end to Mr. T’s time in wrestling. At the same time, it raises big questions on Savage’s ability to draw as a babyface, though that probably shouldn’t be judged until he makes his official return.
WWF’s MSG show on July 25 was a big success, drawing 18,100 paid and $221k at the gate. Ricky Steamboat main evented against Honkytonk, and it’s the biggest crowd and gate for WWF since Wrestlemania. Dave will have a complete report next week.
On wrestlers in Hollywood, Roddy Piper has just started or is about to start filming his third movie in Rome. It's titled Buy and Cell and stars Robert Carradine. Lou Albano is doing a movie with a bunch of no-names called Complex World, and Pat Roach (an English wrestling star from the 70s) is in a movie directed by Ron Howard called Willow. Roach has a regular role in the tv show Robin Hood as well. Dave figures Piper’s continued steady work in Hollywood means time to return to wrestling and do anything meaningful is limited, if he even wants to come back.
[JCP/NWA] July 31 saw the Great American Bash tour end with a bang. An announced crowd of 17,251 (probably around 16,000 in reality) and probably a record gate for wrestling at the Orange Bowl. Barry Windham did an amazing carry job with a guy called Incubus who is absolutely terrible, but with Windham was able to have an almost average match. Kevin Sullivan and Dory Funk had a Texas Death Match that Sullivan won when Funk couldn’t answer the ten count and then they had a post-match brawl that went nearly as long as the match. Both bled buckets and it was good. WarGames 2 gets five stars from Dave. Everybody bled except Ellering and Luger, and Blanchard had the performance of the match. Bubba wound up submitting after six straight clotheslines.
[WCCW] The biggest surprise of the week is that Fritz Von Erich told the truth for once. The first time he ever told the truth was pretty funny - he said that telling the truth makes him look even stupider than if he had lied. Anyway, on the Ask Fritz segment of their tv show this past week, he answered a question about whether Lance Von Erich was really his nephew and said “I believe the boy’s real name is William Vaughn and he is in no way related to us and he can’t use that name anymore because I copyrighted it.” Dave finds it incredibly stupid, but also notes that it’s no coincidence he said this on the same weekend that Lance made his tv debut for Wild West Wrestling. And of course, no Von Erich coverage would be complete without noting how shitty a dad Fritz is, so another letter asked Fritz if his son Chris (currently a senior in high school) will go to college. Fritz’s answer amounted to something along the lines of how that would be “nice, but Chris already knows what he wants to do.”
It looks like WWF is planning a greater emphasis on women’s wrestling in the next few months now that Sherri Martel is in and champion (you might even call it a revolution). After a few (Dave prays for very few) rematches, maybe Moolah will even retire. She did hit Social Security collection age on July 21, after all. Dave’s heard that Devil Masami might be in for a tour soon and the Jumping Bomb Angels will return in the fall after having a very successful tour with WWF. They had the best match of the show on virtually every card they appeared on (not as big a compliment as it sounds, Dave notes). Additionally, Olympia from GLOW is training to wrestle for WWF and Les Thornton in Calgary has several prospective young women in his current class. The Crush Gals will not be brought in, though, as the WWF office thinks they look too boyish. Dave would have something negative to say about that except he’s gotten innumerable comments saying that the JB Angels “are so much better looking than those Crush Girls they had in last year.”
[WWF] Andre the Giant had back surgery more than a week ago. It’s uncertain if he’ll wrestle again, but what does seem certain is that he probably won’t be back any earlier than the winter.
[WWF] Tito Santana will be taking Tom Zenk’s place as Rick Martel’s tag partner. They’ll get a new name, something like Attack Squad or Strike Force (Dave got it right with the second one).
[WWF] Chief Jay Strongbow was hospitalized earlier this week for heart issues.
[Stampede] The Viet Congs have broken up. They lost the International tag titles to Brian Pillman and Bruce Hart on the July 24 show. Hart pinned Cong #2 (Shinji Sasazaki, who had knee surgery after the match). Sasazaki attacked Cong #1 (Hiroshi Hase) after the match, and another guy in a Viet Cong Express outfit attacked Hase as well. They referred to him as Viet Cong #3 and he was unmasked as Gama Singh. They unmasked Hase, who kept his face covered, and Keiichi Yamada ran in to make the save. Yamada teamed with Owen Hart against Gama and Mukham Singh in the main event, which saw Jerry Morrow interfere by low-bridging Yamada and piledriving him on the floor twice before all three heels ganged up on Hart, leading to Hase unmaked making the save. So for the July 31 show we have Hase/Yamada/Hart vs. the Singhs and Morrow.
The North American Wrestling Association out of Edmonton is not out of business, Dave was wrong about that last week. Dave Schults and Johnny Rods walked out on the promotion, but the Western Canadians are still working. They start tv in two weeks, and Dave got a copy of their tape early and he says it is the best wrestling program on the market today.
Making her pro debut for Wild West Wrestling on August 18 will be Robin Smith. She’s Jake Roberts and Sam Houston’s sister.
Kevin Von Erich’s two year old child was run over in an accident last weekend ago and is now out of critical condition. That same weekend, Kerry, his wife, his baby, and brother Chris were in a boat accident. Kerry crashed into a dam and all were thrown into the water. No serious problems, but Chris needed ten stitches for a cut on his head.
Adrian Adonis has arrived in AWA, managed by Paul E. Dangerously (who now uses a mobile phone as a gimmick). Adonis is still doing the gay act. His weight has ballooned and he’s said to weigh over 350 lbs now.
The only other major change in AWA are the return of Jerry Blackwell and that Madusa Maceli has replaced Sherri Martel as Kevin Kelly’s valet. If they can find another woman to work there, they’ll probably give her the AWA Women’s Title too. Dave says if she ever learns she has the potential to be an effective valet, but she’s green and really only has looks and the ability to act arrogant right now. And she’s trying to be Sherri Martel, which is not going to work for someone so green.
[Florida] Terry Funk appeared on the July 29 tv taping in Tampa during a Mike Rotunda Florida Title defense against Dory Funk. He attacked Rotunda with a branding iron and then Dory stole the belt and they did some off the wall promos.
[JCP/NWA] They’ve fired Dark Journey. Part of it was simple business, part of it was personality conflicts. Suffice to say, she never got much of a reaction in Crockett country and the booking idea of pairing Tully with a black valet for heat just didn’t work. Dave’s heard two stories - she’s either going to California and opening a shop of some kind or going to Texas to work with Ken Mantell’s Wild West promotion if she stays in the business. Spoiler alert: this is Dark Journey’s goodbye to wrestling. She’s going to California, where she’ll manage a clothing shop for a while before getting licensed as a massage therapist and also doing “colon hydrotherapy” and working as a naturopath in the L.A. area today.
Letters this week are all over the place. One is fantasy booking an angle where Vince brings in Hector Guerrero (who’s still doing a spaceman gimmick in Crockett) to face Hogan, with a whole elaborate angle (featuring Hogan attacked by aliens, Howard Finkel abducted and held hostage, Hogan refusing to negotiate with terrorists, and a stipulation that if Hogan loses Finkel will be disintegrated live on tv) that leads to proving that even Hector can be dragged down to a lousy match and beat with the leg drop.
The other big letter in this issue takes issue with Inoki’s ego. The writer cannot believe they tossed aside the angles they set up just to keep Inoki in the main event, and calls him a “slimmer version of Virgil Rhodes.
Otherwise the letters mostly focus on awards thoughts, one asking Dave to give up the disparaging nicknames like Junkfood Dog and Outhouse Jack, and one taking exception to Dave not naming names on WWF’s drug testing. That last writer feels that the readers of the Observer “should be entitled to this information” after the first test and that Dave is wrong for not wanting to print the names of drug suspensions. A final writer, who went to the Chicago Bash show, wonders about if all the blood in wrestling might be a vector for AIDS transmission and feels some caution must be taken.
The Midnight Rockers are wrestling at the August 8 WFIA convention against Doug Somers and Ken Timbs. There’s no word yet on where they’ll land, but Crockett already has Morton and Gibson, while WWF doesn’t seem to want them and AWA definitely won’t want them back. Looks like their prospects are pretty dried up.
UWF commissioner John Ayres signed a contract to play this season with the Denver Broncos.
NEXT ISSUE:Paul Boesch retirement show announced, Road Warriors meeting with McMahon, Vladimir Petrov convicted, and more
2020.01.26 21:22 Hipster_BlisterHipsters Guide to: Top 20 Best 2.0 Era Smashing Pumpkins and Billy Corgan songs Part 2.
Alas this journey comes to an end. Thank you for the kind support and coins. This is the final part of the top 20 best songs from the the Pumpkins 2.0 era (with maybe one exception) These songs can configured in any order but these top 20 are the creme of the crop. There will be a few call outs at the end for songs worth mentioning but didn't make the cut. Making the top 20 list was very easy, Pumpkins only have a small pool of very good music from the past decade however putting the top 10 was challenging to say the least. Walking away from listening to these tracks took me on a journey and I hope you have a similar experience. *Most of the list consist of live and updated versions of songs released. Though I acknowledge both recorded and live where noted\* 10. "Tarantula-" I will be the first to say Tarantula is not my favorite song off their catalog. Even when it came out in 07'. It is a very complex and weird song with a choppy vocal performance. It was a song we did not expect from Billy but the craziest thing is that its the perfect song to introduce a new fan to what would be the new era of Pumpkins music. A shame because had Zeitgeist been a stronger record, I have a feeling that Tarantula would be remembered more fondly. Instead it is tied to headlines like "Billy selling out," and "Billy is cash grabbing." An even bigger shame is that I would kill to have Billy make a song of this quality again (and I would wager I would not be alone on that) which is saying a lot. 9. "Antietam-" Antietam is the best song on Ogilala. A gem from his travels across America. Gone are bells and whistles, gone are predictable hooks. Its just Billy, a guitar, and a piano. What makes this song sound more rounded than many of Billy's other acoustic endeavors is that these songs are very soft to the ears. They sound complete, they sound crafted. Antietam is a beautiful example of that. He is not vomiting ideas and sentences and seeing what sticks. There is refinement and simplicity, pair that with a fantastic vocal performance from Billy and you have a fantastic song. 8. "Stitch in Time-" What an underrated gem. I remember being glued to Pumpkin forums back in 09/10 for new music via Billy's Teargarden project. I was slowly waning to the idea of releasing singles every 3/4 months but at that time the music industry was in a flux so it was understandable wanting to experiment. With "Stitch in Time," most people had moved on from Teargarden after "Song for a Song" and "Widow Wake my mind," arguably one of the worst songs Billy has ever written. However Stitch' was different, it was not going to move mountains but it's simplicity was appreciated. The song has excellent sense of movement and pacing. Stitch in Time is the best song out of the original Teargarden project even to the point where Billy in later years reflected that sentiment. The travesty in songs like this is that who knows if we will hear Teargarden Vol.1/2 tracks again. 7. "Tiberius-"Tiberius is the best song on Monuments to an Elegy and it's not even close. Billy documented most of the Teargarden songs online and he held onto this song for a very long time (along with Solara) But unlike Solara, this has so much more drive and vision. Its very aggressive and done in waltz time signature which somehow is not a gimmick. This leading into "Being Beige," gave me hope that Monuments was going to be a great record. Sadly, I think the expectations as a fan is just too high-- though I don't believe Monuments was as bad as many fans believe. It just happens to be a mild record with two of the worst songs (three songs depending on who you ask) Billy has ever written. 6."Violet Rays-" Arguably the most compelling track on Oceania, it garnered immediate praise from many back in the day, myself included. "Violet Rays" is an incredibly dark confessional of lack of trust, doubt and Billy's loneliness--a strong motif throughout Oceania. Pair that with a heavy prog rock influence that looms over the record and a misty synth build up into a surprising chorus. "Am I the only one you see?" is one of the most introspective and non-flowery lines Billy has given us in the past 13 years. Its more than a confession but a catharsis about failing and having no one, not even a partner to love. 5." United States Live-"United States is the epitome of missing the mark back when it first came out. When it blended into the rest of Zeitgeist, it came across as dark, moody and uninviting, although never a bad song. It even sounded messy at points but at its core, the musicianship was absolutely superb. Both Jimmy and Billy were at their absolute top playing ability blasting through an arena prog rock beacon of "revolution." The song took absolutely completely different shape when played live, particular in 2015 and beyond. I remember watching United States live at a sold out show in California and I almost couldn't believe it was the same song. Gone was the cold bitter snide that the original emitted, gone were the difficult to swallow white noise sounds that were misplaced throughout the track. Instead, Billy made the song warmer not darker backed by a gorgeous tribal pounding of the drums soaring the song to new heights. This time we were not asked "where is the revolution?," This time we were invited to the "revolution," and fans were ready to join in. 4."Stellar-" The story behind "Stellar" is interesting as it is mysterious becoming well part of the bands mythos. Understandably, it was the best song on Zeitgeist but it was not released in the original record. Which to this day is a head scratcher for many fans. Stellar is the only song on Zeitgeist that sounds anywhere remotely near like the old Smashing Pumpkins. But it wasn't just a retread, it weaved into a prog influenced guitar and synth duo becoming a signature Pumpkins 2.0 era sound. Billy was onto something, but sadly chose to abandon this sound altogether. At least for a moment we could see both the old and the new meet somewhere in the middle. What we are treated with was an organic and compelling record that was never given the proper light of day. 3."Superchrist live-" Conceived during the Zeitgeist era, "Superchrist," is arguably the heaviest song Billy has written in the last 13 years and its incredibly good. What I especially like about Superchrist is that its not that angst driven, it is Billy playing one of the craziest solos of his career and Jimmy playing one of his best of his career. But like most Pumpkins songs, this took a new shape for the live rendition. It wasn't just a heavy alt rock song anymore, it was cleaned up, precise and far punchier. Giving Jimmy more breathing room to expand the rails of where the song could go. It became an arena rock song and making it more accessible. When I saw them last year (one of the best live Pumpkin shows I have ever seen) no one was ready for Jimmy that night. Truly a fantastic record and now a fan favorite 2."Gossamer live-" I have been to 30+ Pumpkin/Billy solo shows in the last 13 years. I would say the number is closer to 50 shows if I were to count. No other song has been more controversial in the Pumpkins 2.0 catalog than "Gossamer." I was at the debut of this song, I saw it played many times in 07' and every time it was different. Yes, I was there for the 30 + minute version and it was taxing for even a young hardcore fan like myself. But Gossamer was never meant to be a recorded song, it is a song that lives in a live setting. It thrives there, its meant to push your buttons. Its meant to test your patience. There are many dynamic moments to this track and it perfectly sums up the bands last 13 years. Even the acoustic version has a beautiful interpretation. Gossamer is the Pumpkins live energy manifested into a song that will forever live on the stage. 1." 99 Floors live/If All Goes Wrong-" Powerful, sad, compelling, beautiful, and patient. "99 Floors" is undoubtedly the best song Billy has written and if I am going to be honest, it is one of the only songs that can go head to head with many Pumpkins classic tracks. It sounds like a total evolution of the Pumpkins sound. It sits comfortably behind a phenomenal vocal performance, a dream pop cascade of acoustic guitar, harmonica, piano and Jimmy's delicate touch. It doesn't sound like its trying to go for the old sound or being overtly contrived. This song is spilling with an organic emotion that rarely do any of Pumpkins 2.0 era tracks carry. Whats even more powerful is that the song talk about Billy still not knowing who he is. Combating who he has been and seeing if he will ever fit his own shoes. He's not blaming fans, critics or anyone. He's talking to himself asking for fear of being forgotten. He's been to 99 Floors and still doesn't know where to go. Per Request: Top 20 20-Thats The Way 19-Lighting Strikes 18-Sunkissed 17-Loki Cat 16-Neverlost 15-G.L.O.W 14-Amarinth 13-Dream Machine 12-Oceania 11-Starz 10-Tarantula 9-Antietam 8-Stitch in Time 7-Tiberius 6-Violet Rays 5-United States "Live" 4-Stellar 3-Superchrist 2-Gossamer "live" 1-99 Floors "if all goes wrong" ------- -Honorable Mentions: The Chimera PaleHorse Being Beige Bleeding The Orchid -Most Underrated Pumpkins track, "Sunkissed." -Most Underrated Billy track, "Antietam."
2019.10.28 02:52 DJTricksNACE makes Collegiate Smite look like a joke and HiRez is enabling it.
(TLDR at the bottom, sorry for the long post) I was looking through twitter today and saw a tweet from the caster Jmac about AVGL collegiate. I didn't really follow the collegiate scene super closely after the drama in September and didn't realize that AVGL even came back after they said they were leaving because of the HiRez/NACE partnership. I watched a couple games of the RIT and Carleton set since I remembered they were the #3 and #2 seeds from last year's NACE championship last year. While it obviously isn't SPL level quality, I still enjoyed the glimpse into the scene as I was pretty invested last year. I decided to look at the NACE championship to see how that was progressing since it's meant to be the 'official' and partnered league. The only thing I saw on their official twitter page or even anywhere online was an announcement tweet for the top 8, which I will link to here. twitter.com/DJTricks/status/1188610574617382912?s=20 I looked deeper into their tweets and realized that they haven't made a single mention about the smite collegiate scene since their response to the AVGL situation back in September. After realizing that, I looked even further into the NACE Smite collegiate scene since I still wanted to see how the competition was developing or if there were any vods of the teams. (which I feel is a fair assumption to make since AVGL has been doing it for years as of this point.) I eventually managed to find their challonge bracket website, where they have the entire online tournament. There were apparently 12 teams that competed over the course of the entire league which was set over the course of 4 weeks (if you want to see the bracket, DM me and I'll link it to you). On a related note, apparently ASU and GSU won and are going to Dreamhack Atlanta, which NACE also neglected to mention. Since the winner of this competition would go on to represent the whole of the Smite collegiate community, I found it appalling that I couldn't even find a single mention of the competition from the official tournament organizers that HiRez themselves partnered with outside of the single tweet I linked before. I also looked back at the tournament itself to see what the incentives were for collegiate organizations to join the tournaments. On the official HiRez announcement post, they announced that the total prizing for the NACE (and eventually AVGL) would be (per player) 16,000 gems for first, 8,000 gems for second, and 4,000 gems for third. Which in itself if a discussion point that I wish to bring up in a minute. First I want to look back at what changed from the NACE 2018 tournament to the NACE 2019 tournament. There are two major changes between the two tournaments. The first major change is the removal of cash prizing, last year there was a $50,000 prizepool. With (per player) $8,000 in scholarships being awarded to first place, and $2,000 being awarded for second. The second major change was the exclusion of any non-affiliated NACE related school. This in itself doesn't appear to be a major issue, as the organization that's running the tournament should look out for itself. However, this means that the majority of the team's that competed last year were completely ineligible to play this year. Including #1 Illinois, #2 Carlton, and #3 RIT. Considering each college has to pay a $2,500 fee to be a part of NACE in the first place, and they require membership before September (which was before the NACE Smite league was announced) these organizations were completely cut off from competing this year. EDIT: here is a link to a post I read up on to get informed of this point. credit to U/scjithins https://redd.it/d7kf8j This buy-in, plus the abandonment of prizing is a large factor as to why I think there were only 12 teams that competed in this year's NACE Collegiate League. Both of these problems are completely unacceptable in collegiate esports. If AVGL didn't come back this year after Hi-Rez announced the NACE partnership, the only content that there would be for the entire collegiate Smite scene would be the single NACE tweet, and the Grand Finals. I personally work in collegiate esports, and I know that the issues that plague Collegiate smite this year isn't because Smite is a bad game and the community doesn't care about the scene. It's because Hi-Rez, and the organization they chose to solely focus on collegiate smite and the growth and management of the scene, simply don't care. After all, how are you supposed to care about a scene you didn't know existed? I've seen outsourcing collegiate competition work, as is the case with any Tespa/Blizzard collegiate competition. I have also seen third party tournaments handled in a much better fashion, such as AVGL and CSL. The fact that NACE hasn't even attempted any form of content is insulting to the work that has gone into developing the collegiate scene of Smite for the last five years. If HiRez and NACE did care about the well-being of Collegiate Smite, they would provide meaningful incentives for collegiate organizations to play in their leagues and show literally any form of content regarding the competition. AVGL decided to come back and represent collegiate smite as they have for the past 4 years, (with the most barebones support from Hi-Rez since they first started their competiitons) and easily surpassed anything that NACE attempted to do this year regarding content as they have had multiple streams, with passionate casters, announcement posts for featured matches, and a much larger competition base (with 33 teams, nearly 3x the size of NACE). The fact that NACE is the face of Collegiate smite, and is the officially partnered league with HiRez is a complete travesty to the scene. Change must happen, because right now collegiate smite is a joke to the rest of the world and NACE is the cause. TLDR; NACE doesn't care about the collegiate scene in the slightest, their only form of content since the competition started was a single tweet announcing that there was a top 8. There is no incentive to get into Smite as a college organization, and the lack of care from the official partnership between NACE and HiRez, compared to AVGL, is downright unacceptable given the scale of these organizations. If there is no change, Smite collegiate will die before it has had a chance to flourish. If anyone has any questions regarding NACE or other collegiate scenes, let me know. I would be glad to chat about esports collegiate, I wouldn't consider myself to be an absolute expert on collegiate but I have worked in the space for the better part of three years, so seeing the way NACE treats smite is a shame to see.
2019.10.26 19:54 johnlucas-politicsMy Political History AKA My Journey to The Revolution [Part 6]
◄Part 6► ◄Continued from Part 5► I enter the year 2013 cautiously optimistic. Obama got his 2nd term as easily as I predicted. Obama's "evolution" on gay marriage came just in time to give Mitt Romney his 47%...of the vote. The Republican Party looks absolutely SHOOK at this turn of events & is in sheer panic mode. The Tea Party's kettle ran out of steam already & the Republican Party's demographics are literally getting old. It seems that the future is with the diverse & numerous coalition exemplified by 'young' hip Obama. You know, Obama, the guy who shows up on all the latest daytime & nighttime talk shows & is expertly impersonated by Jordan Peele alongside his comedic partner Keegan Michael-Key AKA Luther, Obama's Anger Translator. You know, the guy who can riff on a red-headed billionaire brat at a White House Correspondents' Dinner & get big laughs. Hahaha! Obama certainly got the best out of that birther conspiracy theorist, didn't he? Long form THIS, punk! Birther goofs weren't the only thing Occupying Obama's time, however. A couple of years before in 2011, people disgusted with the realities of Obama's Presidency started Occupying Wall Street & then started Occupying just about everything else under the sun. Flash Mobbing & every other tried-and-tested protest tactic available was used in the most significant & vibrant protests since the Anti-War Movement in the Dubya Bush era. Forget Romney & his 47%. Try the 99% vs. the 1% for a different equation. Arabs ain't the only ones Springing. The 2010 midterm shock was just the 1st sign that everything was not all happy-shiny under this New Camelot patina. The failure of Obama to exemplify that Revolutionary he presented himself as in 2008 created a fervor for Revolution all across the country on "The Left" AND "The Right" by the time we get to 2013. On "The Right", it was more about Obama's very existence in that White House that caused the Militia Prepper craze exemplified with shows like Duck Dynasty & their rural rugged bearded woodsmen. Survivalist porn & guns galore. On "The Left" it created a fresh thirst for raw Street Activism when stale Institutional Inertia frustrated progress one too many times. Raging Against The Machine with or without Tom Morello playing guitar at the uprising. With his re-election Obama had a second chance to "get scary" as Samuel L. Jackson put it & restore HOPE in that audacious promise of CHANGE he offered. I was cautiously optimistic on this possibility. I hedged my bets this 2nd go-round & wishing-welled a coin that he'll actually live up to his potential & get it right. Oh look. Hillary steps down as Secretary of State in the 2nd term. Looks like that 2008 deal is still on after all. Prepare. Well, I certainly didn't see anything "scary" out of Obama throughout 2013. "The Party of No" better known to you as the Republican Party seems to have shaken off that SHOOK-ness we saw shortly after Obama's re-election. They got John Boehner still as Speaker of the House strengthening his "HELL NO!" as his plan to make Obama a one-term President weakened. It's like the Republican Party was a bunch of Jan Brewers putting their fingers right in Barack's face. The Tea might have gone cold in that Tea Party but they were certainly caffeinated enough to thwart any Progressive energy we sought from "Scary Obama". Hey Obama, borrow some Starbucks from the Coffee Party & get your pep up. Nah, scrap that. That coffee's stale & you're already Centrist enough as it is. Drink some Red Bull instead. It's tiring looking at No Drama Obama by this time. No wonder those Key & Peele sketches worked so well. People are ready to see some PASSION, some HEART, some VIGOR. Obama! You should be MAD that these countless mass shootings keep going on across the country. They shot little kids in Sandy Hook, Obama!! Little kids!! Obama! You should be FURIOUS that Black folks are getting stone cold murdered for no reason across the country. Aiyana Stanley-Jones!! Trayvon Martin!! Rekia Boyd!! Jordan Davis!! Timothy Russell and Malissa Williams!! What are you going to do about this police brutality, Obama?!! You should know this issue better than anyone!! Obama! Why are you continuing Bush's wars? Why are you drone-bombing all of those innocent people overseas? You should be ENRAGED that people are nicknaming you "Obomba" with all of your drone bombs. Nobel WHAT Prize?? Get out of Afghanistan!! Get out of Iraq!! Why did you do that to Libya?!! Please don't mess with Syria!! Don't go there!! Then the Boston Bomber happened at the 2013 Boston Marathon. The Tsarnaev brothers said that their motive for the bombing was retribution for U.S. military involvement in Afghanistan & Iraq. And that the victims of the bombing were "collateral damage" just as the victims of U.S. military actions overseas were considered "collateral damage". Even though the acts of these men were evil, it's not like the United States is clean enough to dispute that retort. One of the whole reasons to get behind Obama was his opposition to Iraq & all of these senseless destructive wars. What happens when the guy at the Anti-War Rally continues the churn of the War Machine? Is Prize really Nobel? What about Guantánamo? What about Raven?! You start sounding like Raven from ECW asking these endless questions. Then the Trayvon Martin verdict came in. NOT GUILTY. George Zimmerman got away with cold blooded murder. After fighting so hard to even get the guy brought in for questioning much less indicted, we get THIS slap in the face. In the age of the 1st Black President, it's starting to seem more & more than ever that Black Life Doesn't Matter. It's starting to feel like Blacks are actually going BACKWARDS. We're getting Oscars for playing a maid in 'The Help', for playing a butler in 'The Butler', for playing a slave in '12 Years a Slave'. People are really getting off on newcomer Gabourey Sidibe's & comedian Mo'Nique's long-form abuse exhibition in 'Precious'. Hell, at least Quentin Tarantino let the slave get in some good licks in 'Django Unchained'. Do we ALWAYS have to be in these hopelessly subordinate positions? When Zimmerman murdered Trayvon, Obama said: "If I had a son, he would look like Trayvon". When Zimmerman got away with murdering Trayvon, Obama said: "Trayvon could have been me 35 years ago". True to No Drama Obama form, Barack says some surface-level dignified statement but does not follow up with the necessary action to remedy these ever-mounting injustices. You just keep waiting for the explosion that never comes. The only thing "scary" about Obama is his unsettling aloofness in the midst of all of these tragedies & travesties. WHERE IS YOUR PASSION, OBAMA?! WHERE IS YOUR HEART, OBAMA?! WHERE IS YOUR DRIVE, OBAMA?! ACT!!! NOW!!! Any faint hope I had in restoring the New Camelot dream was shattered for good now. We're a LOOONG way from Fojeba singing ♫ Fired Up! Ready to Gooooo! Ready to Gooooo! Fired Up! ♫ on that world-resonant Makossa beat. I can't hear little Edith Childs anymore. It's like Edith Childs & Fojeba were saying those words in a distant room long long down the hallway. All I hear is faint echoes of the original sounds. They were like ghosts calling from the ethereal realm. I lost that bet on that wishing well coin. Good thing I hedged my bets & only put in that single coin. It was worth a shot. When Obama spoke about MLK on the 50th Anniversary of the March on Washington in late August of 2013, there was only one word to sum up my feelings on the historical event: DISILLUSIONMENT. It's just as well since at that same late August time period, I had a sudden personal decline in my fortunes. I should have been happy, overjoyed to see Obama make that full circle connection to the place where Martin spoke his famous "I Have A Dream" speech. But all I was feeling was ANGER, DEPRESSION, DESPAIR, RAGE, CYNICISM, NIHILISM. Nothing but negatives & didn't need a camera. 2008-2009 was Denial. 2010 was Anger. 2011-2012-2013 was Bargaining. And now in late 2013 I'm in Depression phase. I was certainly going through a textbook example of the Kübler-Ross Grief Model, huh. And as the rest of the year went on & my personal life continued to tumble, my faith in the political process was weaker than ever. I began to deeply question EVERYTHING even more than I ever had before. Even more than Dubya Bush years. Throughout the rest of 2013 & the beginning of 2014, I questioned wholesale frameworks of thought. Why? Why not? Through this process I came up with a universal theory of Human Beings. The 3 Rules that apply to every one of us all. #1 People Are Selfish. #2 People Are Lazy. #3 People Are Weak. To know that these traits are Neutral & can have both Positive AND Negative effects. I decided to house this theory inside ANOTHER theory I had been kicking around in a January 2014 post to Democratic Underground called "Ask yourself "Why do we depend on leaders in the first place?" The Disillusionment in Obama's Presidency had me questioning the very thought of leaders altogether. 2013 started with such cautious optimism & ended with such caustic pessimism. One last penny in the wishing well from 2012 led to a wholesale reassessment of my fortunes heading into 2014. Where do I go next in my ongoing journey of searching & questioning? Will I ever reach the 5th stage of Acceptance in this Kübler-Ross Grief Model? Unlike Obama, stay tuned for the Drama. ◄Continued in Part 7► John Lucas
2019.10.05 12:17 ZitheroI witnessed the Beginning of the End Times
I know what I saw. Nothing can compare. I have been a soldier in the Tzahal for what feels like my entire life. When you grow up in a country surrounded by enemies on all sides, who want you dead at the mere sight of you, the military becomes an obligation. Hamas, The Muslim Brotherhood, ISIS, Iran, Iraq, Jordan, Egypt, and even Lebanon. Name me a country we share a border with, or even share air with, and I can show you an enemy of the State of Israel. Why do they want us dead? For holding a small sliver of land others had abandoned long ago? Or is it hate? I will not get into politics. I will just say: I was born here, this is my home as far as I care, and I will defend it from all threats. But I fear, I no longer can. The end began not too long ago. As a soldier, I’m called to respond to many disturbances in Jeruslem. They may be something simple, as a family crossing a border without a passport or identification, and an altercation ensues. More often it is something sinister, such as an attempted bombing, shooting, or another such attack. I am always ready, ready to die for my country and my fellow soldiers. Ready to die for my faith. To uphold God’s law. God’s law, saying that, now, after seeing what I have seen? What are those laws? How do you apply them to creatures of His own making? A Friday like any other, as far as I thought. I hoped to prepare for the Sabbath's beginning without incident when the report came over the radio. “I have five armed individuals, near the Western Wall, please respond!” the radio squawked. “David and Tamir infantry, responding,” my partner David said. I got into the passenger seat of our Humvee as David stowed his X95 submachine gun in the back. I kept mine at the ready. “Another beautiful day in the holy land, yes Tamir?” David laughed. All we could do to keep from going mad is to make light of our daily tasks. The Holy Land, we told ourselves Israel is our land all the time, but it never felt like it. This land, is mine? God gave this land to me? Muslims believed the same thing. Both of us willing to die for it. Was it worth it? I saw a pair of helicopters flying overhead, they were responding with us. American made choppers, of course, we designated them as Saraphs, I forgot what the American’s called theirs. I wondered what merited this much firepower. The Saraph’s were fighters. Armed to the teeth. I wondered, Is this it? Is this the Muslim invasion? Is this the end? I was half right. As I watched the choppers fly overhead, one let loose a stinger missile. It made little sense to me because stingers are an air-to-air ordinance. In the air, I spotted something flying right towards it! Not an aircraft, but too slow for a missile. My eyes widened as I finally recognized it, it’s a woman! She’s not in a plane, only wearing white armor, it glistens in the sunlight. As I inspected her, I could not believe my eyes! White wings, like an angel’s! She dodged the stinger missile, then reached onto her back, drawing some kind of huge sword! Without another moment, she crashed into the cockpit, sword first! The Saraph dropped altitude, and soon she had ripped through the aircraft, plowing straight through it, exiting out of the tail-end of the fuselage! Behind her, the wreckage of the chopper bursts into flames as it falls from the air. But she kept going! This angel, this angel of death I should say, she continued to the next chopper! She dove at it from the side this time, shoving her sword into the cabin, skewering whoever was inside! She almost appeared to be appraising the helicopter. Looking around inside. She pulled the pilot out, or part of him, and dropped him from the sky. Is she investigating the helicopter? Did the angel not understand our new technology? Did I lose my mind, or am I dreaming all of this? Is this a misunderstanding? Did she somehow think it a creature of Satan? She soon took the helicopter downward, dipping it in a nosedive into the ground, then back up as she manipulated the controls from outside. I soon drew my attention to the sight on the ground. Four people stood before a mass of soldiers. There was fire in the streets as if someone had just detonated some incendiary device. I was in shock from what I saw in the air, I’m certain David had not seen it, his eyes on the road and flames before us. David got out of the Humvee and ran to join our brothers in arms. I still stared in veneration at the four people before us. Three wore a uniform, two of them were women, one man. The male was bald, about 180 cm tall, long white sleeves and a black vest over it, with similar black slacks. His hands are bare, and he is standing back with another woman. This woman wears the same outfit, she stands a much shorter 150cm, a thin thing, but her green eyes are wide with some kind of madness, her hair is bright blond, and wild, her skin pale. Lastly is a woman all the men have their guns pointed at. David included. He demands she shows him her hands. She’s about the same height as the male, a centimeter or two taller, her hair is blonde but her skin is darker. Rows of tight braids run over from the top of her head swept behind and going down her back. She wears the same odd uniform as the others. But as they tell her to show her hands, she raises them out wide, her fingers spread. As she does so, arcs of electricity dance between her fingertips. Her eyes are closed, at first, but when she opens them they glow yellow and bright. She floated into the air, her feet delicately lifting off the ground, though I saw no wires or anything else that would explain what was lifting her into the air. As I look on I nearly go blind. She shouted two words: “Reshep Biriq!” Bursting forth from her body was a bright yellow light and the smell of ozone filled the air. I grabbed my head and dove into my seat as the glass of the Humvee's windshield shattered over me. After a moment or two, I rose out of the seat, grounded by the truck, I was the only survivor of the lightning she had summoned. As the woman landed on the ground, arcs of electricity reached up from the ground to the tips of her toes. She landed daintily, looking at the corpses of my fallen brothers with little care. The madwoman shouted, “Syria! Now how can I make their blood dance if you zapped them all!” she giggled. The woman, who I assumed was Syria, turned to the shorter girl and spoke in an odd accent I could not place, “Alexis, behave yourself before our Master. You’re as bad as Rasper.” The male interrupted, in a thick Cockney accent, “oy! I’m not as bad as ‘er!” “Stifle yourselves,” a male’s voice spoke. Another man was behind them. He wore an outfit far different from the others. He was wearing a brown uniform with dark purple epaulets with short gold tassels attached. Brass buttons ran up along his right breast before the side of the uniform took a turn and met at the other side of his collar. He wore no marks of honor or medals. Brass buttons were on the cuffs of his uniform, though his right hand was clad in a leather glove that had a golden claw wrapped around it. “Of course, Master,” the madwoman who was clearly Alexis, said in a sing-song sort of manner. As she said this, I realized what I had to do. I jumped out of the car, took aim at the ‘Master’, and opened fire. I unleashed a hail of bullets, and I know I was hitting him, I was certain I was. He didn’t seem to react as I would expect. The golden gauntlet reached out towards me, and as it did my eyes went wide in horror as my bullets stopped just before his hand. The bullets shook and rattled in the air in time with his hand. I could hear the metal of the gauntlet creaking and groaning as he somehow prevented the bullets from striking him, some kind of strange violet translucent dome protecting him. His eyes, those ice blue piercing eyes, I will never forget them, glared back at me with hatred. They narrowed at me as he closed his fist and then thrust it towards me. Every bullet I fired flew back at me. One bullet struck me in the leg another in my shoulder, with enough power to force me to the ground. I feigned death, falling to my knees, and then flat on my chest, doing my best to keep my eyes half opened, and my breathing to a minimum. “... Well, that was disappointin’,” Rasper spoke, “He had a bead on yah Master.” “Syria, you missed one,” the Master spoke, glaring. “The car protected him,” Syria protested, “It’s a metal frame! It must have grounded him.” Alexis whined, “And I still can’t play with his blood, now can I?” Rasper then turned around as another group of men came from a different alleyway. I watched in shock as fire engulfed his hand, and he shot flames from it, burning the men alive! “Seems we knocked the hornets' nest a bit there Master, should we level the place?” The angel woman from before landed next to the other four, her huge wings closing behind her. She was a mountain of a woman, massive, towering, and frightful. “Rachel isn’t here. If this is this world’s most important city, Rachel’s not the queen,” she had an alto voice but not the deep thumping grunts I’d expect from her. She glanced around, “Which is peculiar.” The Master chuckled, “Perhaps she was overthrown?” The woman glared at him, “Do not make light of such things, brother!” Now that I was closer, I could see her hair was in a long white braid on one side of her head and shaved on the other side. She had violet eyes, and her armor was an off white-like color. Despite this, it almost sparkled in the light, like a precious gemstone. Like she wore armor made of quartz. “We’ll investigate this place and compare it to others. In the meantime, I have delivered our message. We are here,” their Master said. With that, the five of them all turned and walked into some strange doorways I could barely make out. Once they were all gone, I sat up, reaching for my radio, “Men down, Western wall… send an ambulance. I’m critical…” I heard someone answer on the other end, but I couldn’t make out what they said. I don’t know if it was blood loss or shock, but I was losing consciousness. … The next thing I knew, I was in a hospital bed, a senior officer sitting next to me, making sure he was the first person I spoke with. “Tamir? How are you feeling?” he asked. I groaned, “not well.” I sat up, “Please tell me: was I dreaming?” The senior officer looked to me, “We need to get a statement of what happened. You’re the only survivor. We lost two airborne units, and five units on the ground.” Without warning, all the screens in the room turned on. The television in the corner, my monitoring equipment, even my personal cell phone all powered on, playing a single video. The video was of the man from earlier, “the Master”, sitting on a bridge of some sort of ship. To me, it looked like an aircraft carrier or something. His thin lips parted in a bit of a sick grin as he began to speak, “Yee have been judged and found wanting.” he began. “Citizens of Terra, your day of judgment has arrived.” He seemed to pause for effect. The officer in my room shouted, “Find out where this is coming from!” “That’s him,” I said, pointing to the screen, “the man that attacked us. He had four others with him, they called him ‘Master’.” I explained. “God has attempted to guide your pathetic race for millennia to no avail. He sent you commandments you have ignored, prophets you have mocked, and finally sent you his own son,” he leans back in his chair, “Whom you killed.” As he says this, the massive woman from before comes into the frame. She still wears the quartz-like armor, though without the sunlight now it only appears as coarse looking white stone. It’s an off white, trimmed in simple silver or maybe even polished steel. I can see she has violet eyes, which struck me as very odd. As she sits next to the man, her wings come into the frame. Huge white feathery wings, which she seems to pull in tight against her back. She’s taller than the Master, even sitting, which is surprising. The woman leaned back in her chair as the man began to rant again. “You’ve continued to kill in the name of God for thousands of years. Now it ends. I shall allow these travesties no longer.” he continues. “Salvation is yours, you need only swear fealty to your new savior, Xyphiel.” he motions to himself. The woman to his right speaks, “Or be destroyed by Ragna. It’s your choice.” The screen went black. I’m still staring at the blank screen when my officer demands to know what I know of them. I describe what happened, but I am in a daze. Xyphiel is the harbinger of the end times, of this I am certain. This man, if you can call him that, will bring about our doom. May God have mercy on all of us.
2019.08.31 19:17 FunnyNWittyReferencMy All-Media Mega-Watchthrough Part 4: The Fourth Doctor (Part One)
Previous posts: 3rd,2nd and 1st Doctors. Continuity: Leela's intelligence seems to vary vastly based off who's writing the episode. Though the order Eyespider has them in is mostly consistent, so props for that. This era has no major continuity flaws that I can think of, which is I guess a bonus? On the other hand it makes the EU feels slightly disconnected with the interconnection I got used to from 1-3. It instead prefers to use things established in 4's era mainly. Other Thoughts: There is a lot to go through. So much so that I'm not actually finished. I'm breaking this post into 2 halves, having just watched The Invasion of Time, roughly the midpoint of his era when counting the EU. I'd have held it off until Logopolis, but I hit 37k characters of Reddit's 40k maximum for a post last time. There's just no way I could fit it into one post here. Now, hot take, but 4 is my least favorite Doctor. To the point where he's the only one I actively can't stand. Tom Baker never actually put any effort into the acting, and none of the writers gave him a character. The character he plays is the funny meme catchphrase man with the jelly babies, not the Doctor. On TV, there's no depth to his character at all, that's just all he does. Season 15 exacerbates the issue, and it only gets worse from there. Thankfully Season 18 is wonderful and the writers actually do something with him, but I haven't gotten there yet so I'll keep it out of this post. The biggest offender of the "wacky jelly baby man xd" so far is Image of the Fendahl. If you haven't seen it recently, there's a scene in the cliffhanger of part one where the Doctor is along in the room with a skull. No monitoring equipment, no people in the room, and no reason to suspect the skull is anything other than a skull, as evidenced by his surprise when it glows and does... something? Anyway, he sits down at the desk next to it, then asks it, completely seriously: "Would you like a Jelly Baby? [A short pause.] No, I don't suppose you would." Why did he do this? Well, obviously out of universe it's because it's a good gag scene. But that's exactly the problem: the writers very rarely seemed to think if it made sense for the Doctor to do it, they just went "yup, he's the funny guy, we should have a joke here." This extends to every 4th Doctor story. That's his only personality in all of them: he's funny. From his first episode, that's all he is. Sometimes the writers will be bold and he will violently swap between personalities in the span of a second; from haha meme man to absolute raging asshole. Seriously, he's just downright unpleasant most of the time when he's not being funny, I'd hate to travel with him. And my god if the early EU doesn't take that and turn it up to 11. You know that scene in Ark in Space where he's being a dick so Sarah will climb through the vent? I'm fairly certain that's the only scene the early comic writers watched, because he's like that legitimately all the time. Now, remember how in Invisible Enemy, 4 and Leela run around in the Doctor's mind? And are actually depicted as tearing through membranes and stuff? My new semi-serious headcanon is that the Doctor actually has brain damage after this. It would explain how any vestiges of character left him after this point, and why the very next episode he's offering inanimate skulls Jelly Babies. Another thing about this era that I hate is the sheer glut of novels. He has 24 novels, more than double what most of the others have. Obviously not counting 7 or 8. Most of these are horrendous. All those problems I have with 4? The lack of ambition on the writer's part, his lack of character? All turned up to the point it'd almost be comical if it wasn't physically painful to go through. There are only 2 novels I would actually recommend from this era, and one of them is a 4/Romana novel that I only know is good because I read it years ago when I bought the reprint, so it doesn't count in this portion of the review. Honestly, I have so many novels to rant about in the bad novels section that I almost had to save some for the next post, this whole thing is 38k of the 40k character limit. I think I've talked about my intense, burning hatred of 4's era enough here, probably enraging everyone. Make sure to leave an angry comment down below! I got one telling me that it's because "the intense bitterness in [my] mind" that I hate Combat Rock a while ago, so I guess people get very mad when you call something objectively terrible objectively terrible. And now, on to: Best Part of the Era Overall: Quite honestly? None of it. I dislike it so much. There's no ambition, and no reason to have any, because everyone loves the funny meme man. Why put any effort into your story when it'll just sell anyway? This seems to be Chris Boucher's philosophy, though we'll get to him later. There's no character development to 4 at all, not even during S18. It's just an abrupt personality change, though I like that personality much more. I'll try to refrain from mentioning anything post-Invasion of Time from now on just to have something to talk about next time. I guess the best part so far was with Leela? She's a more interesting character than the Doctor, hands-down. Her and Romana (oops, did it again) actually have character development, the only characters in his era to do so. Worst Part of the Era Overall: The least enjoyable part was probably the entire time Sarah-Jane was there. Like the Doctor, character development was thrown out the window the second Pertwee regenerated. I'm apathetic towards her, and I outright can't stand Harry Sullivan. Harry's hobbies include being a bit misogynistic and standing around uselessly. Their tenure is made worse by the severe lack of Big Finish with them. The only EU parts of their run is a few BF short trips, prose short trips, and an insufferable amount of novels. The 4th Doctor's early days are also very torn between trying to do like Robot, where it's him in a typically 3rd Doctor situation with UNIT, and trying to do something like his TV run. Sadly neither of them are good. The idea of the Doctor trying to fit into his old life, but his new personality clashing so heavily he has to give it up? Absolutely great. Sadly, because none of the writers understand the concept of character drama, it's never once brought up, it's just a thing that sort of accidentally happens. Good job lads. They also keep it like Seeds of Doom, where the Brig has just ceased to exist for the day. There's no reason to since it's prose, and when put all together, it becomes increasingly unlikely that he's just traveling the world doing... things, just so he's not there when they are. Alternate worst part: that time Chris Boucher had 4 novels of his literally in a row between Robots of Death and Talons of Weng-Chiang. We'll get into that later. Best Novels:Scratchman: Absolutely fantastic. Being written by Tom Baker in first person really gives you an insight into what the Doctor is thinking, which makes the fact that externally he's just meme man almost tolerable. You can see the Doctor's head isn't completely empty, which is something every TV writer seemed to forget all the time. Again: Jelly Baby to a skull scene is the most egregious example for this. He's legitimately terrified here, and it wouldn't work any other way than prose. I'm glad it wasn't made into a movie, where Tom Baker can un-act his way through it, it would have definitely let the story down. Wolfsbane: Probably only as good as it is because it has 8 in it, my favorite Doctor. It does feature some good moments, such as 4 abruptly just stabbing a wolf through the heart, and especially the fact that Harry becomes a werewolf. Okay, that part is only implied, but I want to believe it. Drosten's Curse: It tries a little too hard to be Douglas Adams, which gets annoying a few chapters in, but it's still relatively good. And that's it, those are the only two good novels so far. I've read 15 of 24 novels, and these are the only ones that were actually good. I won't be reading the 3 with BF adaptations, because reading is the part of this that takes the longest, and is generally horrendous. I got stuck at the Chris Boucher novels for over a month just because they were so shit I couldn't be bothered to suffer through them. The only other novels that aren't abject trash are A Device of Death, Ghost Ship, and, debatably, System Shock. Whatever you do, don't get it confused with Millennium Shock. Why? Find out several rant paragraphs down. Worst Novels: It's hard to pick a worst one. In all shit stories, there's one rule you should remember: rule 1: don't think about it, because the author didn't. On my spreadsheet, there are three different novels with a 2/10 rating. You know what a 1/10 is? Combat Rock. If you read my previous reviews, you know of my immeasurable hatred for that book. Unsurprisingly, one point up from it is also absolutely loathsome. First off: Managra: The title is an anagram. The book is networks petunia, according to this anagram generator site I found. Or, in normal person language, pretentious wank. This book is 320some pages long, and absolutely fuck all happens in them. Over two thirds of the book is worldbuilding, and it's insanely unrealistic. Apparently in the 31st century, the Vatican was renovated into a flying city. Okay, sure. Now people want to go back to the old ways. By which I don't mean they want the old Vatican back. No, they want to recreate history and go back to the 14th fucking century. No, there is no connection between these two things, despite the novel insisting there is. So the... government? Vatican??? God???? arranges this, and the entire planet has different sections for different periods of history. Oh, and also the entire Earth is now dimensionally transcendental. Why? How? What the fuck? Don't worry about it. Also, we refer to it as dimensions extraordinary because why not. So what if you want technology? Or like, anything? To progress in society? Fuck you, that's what. Anachronisms are illegal. You're in the 12th century but want to hear a Shakespeare play? Shit out of luck, go back to working on your farm or whatever it is you do. Shakespeare is also banned in all time periods by the Vatican, as well as all Elizabethian and Jacobean works. Why? Who knows. Also, they have Polygots, a sort of Babbelfish, and mechanical horses. So why reenact all this shit? Why ban indoor plumbing if you've got a robohorse? Think this entire idea is actually the stupidest fucking thing you're ever heard of? Too bad, this is literally the entire planet now. Why? Why the hell would even a singlecountryagree to this? "Hey guys, what if we redid history?" "Like, as a theme park? Interesting." "Nononono, like, all over. All the time." "Hmmm..." "Also we're reinstating racism for historical accuracy." Yup, that's something that happens. Why? Rule 1, don't worry about it, it all makes sense. Sure hope you weren't any form of minority. You can tell this book was written by a white man. There's also no mention of any non-European zones, though being generous, this could be because they're in the "Eurpoa dominion" the entire time. Now, this is all outright stupid, and we can all agree on that, right? Buckle up, because it gets worse. Like gazing into the eyes of Cthulhu, the madness goes deeper and deeper down the further you look. So, we have a bunch of different periods of history, anarchonisms are illegal, you're expected to suffer in your time period forever and that's just life. How did they determine the inhabitants of each section? Who knows. Probably eugenics. Anyway, we need historical figures to make it truly accurate. What? Why??? What??? Excuse you??? So now we have duplicates of them. Robot duplicates? Haha no, you absolute imbecile. We've cloned them. And... somehow made them have the same personalities as the originals. But also they're aware they're not original. And also there are multiple clones. Why? Because there are multiple copies of time zones and places. Why? Legitimately what purpose does having two instances of 17th century France have? BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE. These duplicates, called Reprises, are most of the main characters in the novel. It's a fucking time travel series, just use the originals and have them meet somehow instead of this contrived bullshit oh my fucking god. Remember how I called it pretentious? That's because, while doing all this world building, it seems to think the reader has read all the works of every famous poet ever, and keeps referencing it. The author has to feel the need to pause every other chapter with dialogue like: "Salutations Harold my good chap. A most extraordinary day, shan't you say?" "Oh my, yes Archibald, I do quite agreed. A day where one may see the Vatican's visage in all its splendid glory. I say, have you heard of that bard fellow? I hear he is working on his tenth sonnet." "Magnificent! Simply magnificent! 'Tis a shame the Vatican has banned all of these plays, along with all Elizabethan era works of literature." This is how the entire book is written, and how most of the expositional dialogue is done. Like most shit novels, the Doctor and Sarah hardly feature. Also, witches and zombies and demons and stuff are real. Why? Stop asking, it just is. The people in charge know they weren't real, so why do they exist? Why make people who can overthrow you? The plot is that there's this guy called Managra who is putting on plays and I guess it kills everyone in the audience? He shows up twice before the climax and is the most pretentious asshat in the novel by far, which is no easy feat. Somehow 4, Sarah, and 5 different Reprises team up to go invade his play or something. It's been months since I read it, and I discarded almost any memory of it immediately afterwards, so this summary might be a little off. Anyway, they dick around for 100+ pages on the way there, and we sometimes are afforded a line of dialogue from the Doctor. The bulk of this focuses on that guy from Castlevania, the author's original demon-slaying vampire hunter character. I can't even remember what happened to him in the end, other than the fact that I hated every second he wasted on screen. I don't think he ever met up with the Doctor, or if he did, it was very brief. Eventually 4 and co. find the theater, and 4 goes in there by himself and does god knows what. Then he interrupts Managra's plan and is sucked into a parallel world and also Managra is an alien and is an anagram for anagram and this is apparently thematically relevant and now the dimension is collapsing so the Doctor leaves it in there and then just kind of walks out. Story over. Millennium Shock: A sequel to the decent System Shock. Sadly it doesn't want you to know this, despite the title and the cover giving it away, and it literally stating it on the back. Instead we spend over half the novel getting to the point where 4 goes "woah, it's those guys from System Shock." It begins with a 20 page long article about Y2K, which you're required to read to understand the internal logic it's operating on. Like System Shock, it features an older Harry Sullivan, in the 20th century, working for MI6. Wow, cool. Shame he didn't pick up a personality to make me care about him in the intervening years. He's more 2D than ever if anything. Sarah isn't here so he can't be "charmingly" sexist, making him lose 80% of his character traits. I'd go into detail like Managra up there, except there's no plot to speak of to get into. The Doctor lands, we spend 120 pages figuring out what the cover already tells us, and then we blow it up the same way as last time. Amazing. Asylum: It's a pure historical, except it's not. It's a meeting between early 4 and Nyssa, except they split up and hardly talk. It's like a good story, except not. So Nyssa is preparing a paper on the effects of Francis Bacon. Why? As usual, don't question it. Also, this is post-Terminus, where we're rewarded with a scene of Nyssa taking a bath less than 20 pages in. It's one of those novels. Somehow time shifts and now Bacon is no longer noteworthy so she's writing a paper on something else. Then the TARDIS lands in her living room, 4 walks out, says some nonsense, and then they go back in time to meet Bacon. It's not intentional because she can't remember him, the TARDIS just goes to the beginning of the time distortion. Whatever. So we get there and it's just a pure historical. Nyssa runs off 30 pages after landing and does her own thing. 4 tries to solve a murder plot around Bacon. Nyssa falls in love with a knight who saw her in her underwear. That's right lads: best way to hook up with a girl is to spy on her getting changed and then keep forcing romantic advances on her until she gives in. He's killed later in the novel by the bad guy. Thrilling. Nyssa is sad. For about 5 minutes. Then she gets better. The writers of 4's era don't understand the concept of personalities at all. The bad guy was this guy who was I guess possessed by aliens, or heard their instructions? In the climax, he tells Nyssa he killed her knight boyfriend, and she's just ready to give in and almost lets him stab her. Then she realizes she has plot armour and stabs him in the head instead. The day is saved, and with only a slight bit of permanent brain injury! No really, that's actually it. The guy lives, 4 says he's mentally damaged for life. They take off again. In the epilogue and prologue, we see the aliens plan... something. Their ship is out of fuel, but they can travel through time as a incorporeal entity? I guess? So one goes back to speak to the bad guy from the rest of the novel and that's why he was evil. The Doctor never interacts with them or finds out about their existence. The epilogue is the brain damaged guy, who was in the aliens past, hunting them down as an old man and trying to warn them. They ignore him and think he's senile. Story over. Why did this not need to be a pure historical, when you could cut the aliens entirely? Rule 1. Last Man Running: The first of the four back-to-back Chris Boucher novels. Boucher is the creator of Leela. Which makes the fact that she's wildly out of character in all his novels more surprising. Not much to say on this one, it's just dull and convoluted. At one point Leela kills 50+ clones of herself, because she's the only one with plot armour. Corpse Marker: Hey guys, remember Robots of Death? Well Boucher does, and he wants to go back. Unfortunately he has no reason for doing so, and it's 200 pages of him wanking off onto the page while watching Robots of Death. Honestly, I'm pretty sure Robots of Death and Face of Evil being good were flukes, because god knows his other writing is awful. Psi-Ence Fiction: or, Chris Boucher and That Time He Found his Book of 1001 Witty Quips for Aspiring Writers. These characters are actually one dimensional. Featuring: Asshole college student, dismissive college student, Boobs McGee, horny college student, dead college student, their professor, a sentient cardboard cutout of the Doctor who is very concerned about water, and Leela. The college students + Boobs McGee all share literally the same personality beyond the descriptors I added to them. Boobs McGee is also a descriptor, because Boucher needs to constantly remind us that she is, in fact, attractive. They all just speak in generic quips straight out of every 90s-2000s movie ever. It's unbearable. The horny one constantly hits on the attractive one despite the fact she literally hates him and tells him to stop all the time. This book guest stars the ghost of Mick Lewis, and I'm only half joking. The antagonist is a demon who SCREAMS IN ALL CAPS CONSTANTLY and who for most of the novel IS IN YOUR HEAD, ATTRACTIVE BITCH. YEAH WHORE I'M IN HERE. That's legitimately how it talks. It constantly calls her a bitch. Good job Boucher. Anyway this is all just bullshit because it's not related to the overall solution anyway. The TARDIS lands, and 4 immediately loses his mind completely. The entire time we're seeing his POV, he's hardly coherent. This isn't even my dislike of him as a character, I mean he is legitimately written as if he's senile. Over half the book is him thinking something, then going "hmm, I think there's something in the water here, must be why I'm out of character here." That's honestly most of his contribution. Remember the water, because 4 brings it up all the time, and it's very important to the overall solution later. But Boucher, writing the characters as deliberately out of character and then calling attention to the fact multiple times is just not good writing. Leela does nothing, threatens to stab a few students on campus, the usual. The students who I mentioned earlier are all part of an experiment trying to unlock their psychic abilities. Also there are cops and there was a murder in this one forest years ago. Was that a non-sequitur and has no relevance to what came beforehand? That's exactly how it was in the original story too, despite it being the main crux of the end. So, things don't happen. 4 investigates the water. It turns out it's normal water and I lied earlier, just like Boucher lied to me the entire book. Why is the Doctor absolutely unhinged? WHO KNOWS. RULE ONE BABY. So why'd we waste over 3/4ths of the book on this? Who knows, it's not even relevant to how he finds the baddie. The villain is asshole college student, who has an underground lair for some reason. He has a time engine and wants to undo his sister's death in that forest years ago. 4 says no because it'll destroy time. Too bad. Ok. 4 is launched into it except he's not and he's actually just floating there except hewirigtkrthrkthgrkrrr Sorry, I just smashed my face into my keyboard there because my soul temporarily left my body. Then the TARDIS is in the beam for no fucking reason and it saves the day despite receiving no help from him. It led them to this place. Why could it not do this literally any time when they were outside of it to amuse itself? It literally didn't need them at all. Anyway now 4 is safe again except the thing is exploding so now we have to get away and also Leela is here too and also also we need to rescue the guy and oh nope he doesn't want it time to go story over. The ending was as rushed as that last run-on sentence. Match of the Day: The final Boucher novel. It's also by far the worst. Time for more implausibly idiotic worldbuilding. So, they land on a planet where murder is entertainment. But, woah, get this guys, what if it was a futuristic world? Like reality TV???? Technology is bad. So we have people who fight in arenas and it's broadcast. Okay cool. They have a manager. And also they can issue some form of challenge that lets them kill others at any time? This one famous guy, Keefer, is almost assassinated by an android, and we spend more than half the book focusing on whatever inane shit he's doing, which is mainly being edgy. I swear, literally every page in the last quarter has the fake swear word "scuffling" on it. To reflect how scuffling stupid and annoying this is, I will adopt it for the rest of the review on this book. 4 and Leela are immediately arrested for not killing someone, then get taken to jail. They meet Keefer's agent in jail where he's there for allegedly murdering Keefer despite it happening minutes ago but okay whatever. He teaches them basic law somehow, and they're called into the courtroom. In here the judges don't listen to a scuffling word they say and shoot down every argument. They decide to let them go free anyway. Why? Rule 1. Somehow this was broadcast to everyone despite it not being normal procedure for them and there being nothing different about them at first, and now both of them are celebrities. 4 wants to go back to the TARDIS. Good for you 4, please do. Save us. Nope, we can't, because Queefer's agent asked that we find him and he's sure he's still alive. Hahah okay, what? Guess we're doing that. What does he look like? What does he sound like? Where on the entire scuffling planet is he? Nobody knows, let's find this one dude. Then we scuffle around for 70 pages and I couldn't tell you a single thing that happened other than it focused more on Keefer than 4 and Leela. Keefer's agent got lobotomized off-screen so uh... in the end it's pointless to even find Keefer? 4 is now more famous and is running a dojo, Leela decides that this is boring and takes a spaceplane to space and... find the guy? For some reason? Despite there not being a clue to this ever and this not being a mystery story? Anyway she's right, but they still can't meet. One of the people she's there with drugged (?) her and threw her in a private ship and also both these people are apparently dead because?????????????? and it's not explained. She's kept in a zero G area of the ship, and talks to the pilot. 4 realizes she's missing and hunts her down. He tracks her using some baffling plot-convenient logic. He's also made friends with a corrupt cop and a... woman? That's about the only description of her personality I can give. This is a Boucher novel, of course they have no character. They're not even one-dimensional, they're in negative numbers. Leela lures the guy into the cell, then accidentally breaks his neck. Luckily for her, the ship is fully automatic so why the scuffling fuck did they need a pilot when he even admitted to her he didn't want to be there? Okay whatever. Ship docks with Lady Haiki or something's ship while Leela, like me, sleeps because this is boring as hell. 4 and co have chartered a flight to this same ship.... somehow? They're taken there, meet lady Hitachi, and also Keefer is on her ship too. She's orchestrated this entire thing and wants Leela and Keefer to duel. They don't. 4 says no and walks off. Scuffling excuse you? They take the plane back. They've had a "kill these people on sight and you receive a reward" placed on their heads. There are 15 pages left in the novel. We go to the dojo, everything is gone. Police man has been selling us out from the start apparently. Ok cool. We ask him to get every famous and powerful person on the planet into the arena to watch the Leela/Keefer match. This works, somehow. They refuse to fight. 4 is up in the booths with them because ok. His plan is non-existent, just "get these people here." We get no indication what the scuffling hell he planned to do next other than what happens is entirely wrong. Lady Haiki is here, and apparently has been conspiring to end the fighting by killing all the famous fighters and then making it illegal? Presidentman shoots her fucking head off on national TV. He also apparently planned this from the start. What the everloving fuck? He says fighting will be illegal now. So if he agreed with her, why the hell did he just kill her? And then we get the TARDIS back and leave and 4 is going to teach Leela how to play chess :) Eye of Heaven: Oh boy. This is the third 2/10 on my list. The chapters are told out of order. Odd chapters before they got on the boat, even chapters while they're on the boat. Basically, if you want a comprehensible account of the story, you have to read every odd chapter, then every even chapter. I didn't, and I'd not even consider it. We land and 4 meets up with this old acquaintance who we've never met, who has a stone tablet stolen from Easter island, where this one lady's brother died during the expedition to recover it years ago. He feels guilty about it and wants to return it, 4 just casually hires a boat. Also the entire story is told in first person, making it even more confusing. See how I summarized that in one paragraph? Jim Mortimore took a quarter of the book for that. So then we go on the boat and nothing happens. We keep reading and nothing keeps happening. Good thing we have the timeskips back to earlier chapters! Except nothing is happening there either. Something only begins to happen in odd chapters, and it's dumb. Odd chapter: Leela and crew member go overboard. Even chapter: Nothing. Odd: Leela and man get on an killer whale and steer it back towards the ship. Even: Nothing Odd: Leela and man are surviving off raw fish. There's a cyclone. Oh no, how will they survive. Turns out the answer is by killing the killer whale and now hiding in its mouth. Cool. We hit the halfway point. Now odd chapters are boat stuff, taking up from where we left off, and even chapters are stuff on the island. There are pirates on the island who... want the tablet? Just want to make a nuisance of themselves? So now during odd chapters we deal with that. Apparently they're chasing us. Even chapter: we're running from pirates, who at this point the audience doesn't know that's why they're running because they haven't been introduced yet. They're in cave systems under the island with the natives, hiding from the attack. Odd chapter: Nothing happens. Even Chapter: they're through a portal to an alien world. Why? Explain later. Odd: Nothing. Even: Nothing, but on a different planet. Odd: Nothing. Even: Apparently this planet is like a junction for some alien race who was in a big war. This is their final weapon and it will deploy when it detects non-alien lifesigns. Where's it deploying? Who against, if the war is over? Rule 1. The woman whose brother died years ago kills this other member of the crew in a murder suicide. Okay, now we just have to carry their bodies out of here and walk out of the Easter Island head which is actually a portal and then the weapon turns off. This is chronologically the end of the story. But don't get too comfortable, there's still one more odd chapter. Odd: The same lady flings herself off a cliff, but again, this is earlier than the even chapters. We take her to the cave of healing and somehow this makes her better and ties the story together. Don't ask me how, no idea. Also, the TARDIS is taken off on a separate ship at the start of the story to god knows where. 4 just says "oh haha guess we'll have to hunt it down later." This is left entirely off-screen. Drift: There's 23 main characters in this book, and you're expected to actually care about them, much less know who they are. Shockingly, nothing happens. There's a native american woman whose character is "wow look, she's tribal and primitive! Just like Leela!" I guess this fits perfectly into 4's era of uncomfortable racism. Best Audios: Kill the Doctor!/Age of Sutekh: Easily the best one. Fantastic story, and the Kill the Doctor! cover is one of my favorites. It also has an amazing moment for Tom Baker: "I am the Doctor, and I bring my gift of life to all humanity!" The music, the dlivery, it's all perfect. I could definitely see it being a New Who episode. How to Win Planets and Influence People: Easily the best short trip I've heard in recent memory. The Genesis Chamber: A bit overly long, and definitely could have done without the romance subplot. The King of Sontarr: "would you rather fight 100 Sontaran-sized Sontarans on 1 7 foot tall super-Sontaran." The Crooked Man: One of the best 4DAs, don't want to spoil the twist though. Destroy the Infinite: Great story made better by the first chronological (for the Doctor) appearence of the Eminence. Requiem for the Rocket Men/Death Match: The first half is 4 doing 7 style machinations and generally fun. Leela finds a perfect partner. No spoilers, but he can't come with them so she has to dump him. 4 tells her, "Maybe you should lower your standards a bit." Watching Invasion of Time and god did she take that to heart. The Mind Runners/The Demon Rises: Nothing I can really say without spoiling it, but it's really solid. The Crowmarsh Experiment: It's a fairly standard "oh no which reality is real? Is the Doctor all fake????" thing, but it's done well and I like that type of story. Worst Audios: There aren't many bad audios. BF isn't very ambitious with the 4DAs because they know anything with Tom Baker's face on it is going to sell boatloads, so why bother? Most of them are mediocre, not outright bad. The Wondourous Box: It's an early short trip, so it's ~10 minutes long. Nothing happens byond the TARDIS getting an Elephant killed. Doctor Who and the Pescatons: Not BF, but early BBC audio. No sense of sound mixing, plot, pacing, writing, music, or really anything at all. Punctuated by horrific shrill noises, and 4 being even more out of character than usual. In the same vein: Exploration Earth: The Time Machine: An educational story for kids, except it's stupid. The plot exists only to serve so the villain and the Doctor can monologue about the formation of Earth, and Sarah is an absolute idiot for the audience's benefit. The Cataclyst/The Child/The Empathy Games/The Time Vampire: The individual stories are servicable, but the overarcing Leela thing is horrendous and I hope the Gallifrey series decanonizes it. It seemed very Heaven Sent, so when I got to the end of Time Vampire I was really disappointed. The Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos: You knew it was coming. I'm all for experimental stories, but maybe don't have the "nothing happens this time" story be part of the finale? The prose short trips frequently do "we landed and there's nothing here" far better. Best Short Stories: The Duke of Dominoes: It's a Master-focused story, and it's great. Not coincidentally, it gets worse when 4 appears. Observer Effect: There are these people trapped on a long-term space mission, and now they're being killed based off viewer ratings. Hello Goodbye: The Doctor comes back to UNIT, yells at the brig, then leaves. Surprisingly good, only thing to address the fact he no longer fits in at UNIT. Worst Short Stories: The Sands of Tymus: Sarah is captured for a breeding program. 4 is outraged because that's sex slavery. The aliens explain they're just going to clone her a billion times. 4 and Sarah decide this is okay and leave without a complaint. This was in an Annual. As in a story for children. Conscription: This fetures penis-gourd wearing tribes, I shit you not. Good accidental continuity I guess. Mutiny: Harry is locked up for munity by calling the Doctor. He lets him out. The whole story is under 4 pages. The Doctor's Cross Word: The Doctor walks on this elder God's puzzle which spells out Who. He thinks it spells out Ohm because he sees it upside down and is also dumb. Honestly, there are too many to list. Comics: All travesties, bar Death Flower, which is legitimately okay. Comic 4 is a raging misoginist and utter dickbag and I don't think anyone involved ever watched TV Who. Best TV Stories: Gensis of the Daleks: Like everything with 4, grossly overrated. Still good, but honestly, put to better use in the EU as a motivation. "Remember that time you were on Skaro and could have killed them?" "Yeah lmao" Planet of Evil: I don't love it, but it's pretty okay. The set is beautiful. Pyramids of Mars: Tom Baker actually acts in this one. A rare occurrence. The Brain of Morbius: I don't know why S13 did the whole "rip off horror movies for fun" thing, but at least it mostly worked. The Deadly Assassin: Establishes Gallifrey in a way that's been influential in all future stories. Shame Invasion of Time ruined it. Robots of Death: Boucher writing a good story is a fluke. See above. The Sun Makers: Very Doctor Who, though we could have done without the vaguely antisemitic caricature villain. Worst TV Stories: All of those not mentioned above. Only half joking. I greatly dislike almost all the other stories. Tom Baker phones in his performance the entire time up to S18 (oops) and you can tell he's just there for the paycheck. Revenge of the Cybermen: What was their plot? How'd the cybermat get on board? Rule 1. The Masque of Mandragora: Again, just average. Only good bit is the meme salami sandwich line. The Hand of Fear: Tolerable, though the best part is Sarah leaving. Not because it's well done, though it is, but because I'm finally rid of her. Horror of Fang Rock: Despite being the only TV appearance of the Rutans, it only really shows up in part 4. The Invisible Enemy: Actually can pinpoint the moment where they damage the actual-personality-cortex in his mind. It's all downhill from here. Image of the Fendahl: Boucher. I just couldn't be arsed to pay attention, and despite seeing it twice before, still didn't understand it. Feat. Jelly Baby skull line that I loathe so much. Underworld: It's actually a surprisingly okay story, but the visuals are nauseatingly bad. The Invasion of Time: Better than I remembered. 4 getting up to 7 style manipulations is good, though it all nosedives around part 3. Leela's exit is the worst of all companions and I hate it a lot. She deserved better. And the big one: The Talons of Weng-Chiang: My least favourite. I know, I know, people love it. One question: why? Looking past the appalling racism, the story just isn't that good. Like Fendahl, I've seen it 3 times now, and it just feels like a fever dream. Details of the plot slip my mind in about 6 seconds, and I just can't bring myself to care. It's 4 parts nothing with a side of racism, and 2 of convoluted nonsense. Final Thoughts: My god will I be glad to hit Logopolis. In case I hadn't made it perfectly clear, I hate 4's era. It lacks ambition, character development, and, on TV, decent writing. The Doctor is the meme man, Sarah is 2D, Harry is 0D, Leela is fantastic. Her and Romana are both much better characters than the Doctor himself, yet he treats both of them like shit a lot of the time. Current Doctor rating: 12/8 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 2 > 11 > 1 > 3 > 9 > War > 13 > 10 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 4 Looking forwards to the fact I only have 5 move novels to read though, I think I only have a few months worth of stuff. Maybe only a month? I also only have a few TV Action comics left before they turn to DWM comics, so that's something to look forward to. I'm definitely going to enjoy the latter half of this era more. Fun fact to end on: Leela has canonically killed more than 100 people since traveling with the Doctor.
2019.08.31 18:48 FunnyNWittyReferencMy All-Media Mega-Watchthrough Part 4: The Fourth Doctor (Part One)
Previous posts: 3rd,2nd and 1st Doctors. Continuity: Leela's intelligence seems to vary vastly based off who's writing the episode. Though the order Eyespider has them in is mostly consistent, so props for that. This era has no major continuity flaws that I can think of, which is I guess a bonus? On the other hand it makes the EU feels slightly disconnected with the interconnection I got used to from 1-3. It instead prefers to use things established in 4's era mainly. Other Thoughts: There is a lot to go through. So much so that I'm not actually finished. I'm breaking this post into 2 halves, having just watched The Invasion of Time, roughly the midpoint of his era when counting the EU. I'd have held it off until Logopolis, but I hit 37k characters of Reddit's 40k maximum for a post last time. There's just no way I could fit it into one post here. Now, hot take, but 4 is my least favorite Doctor. To the point where he's the only one I actively can't stand. Tom Baker never actually put any effort into the acting, and none of the writers gave him a character. The character he plays is the funny meme catchphrase man with the jelly babies, not the Doctor. On TV, there's no depth to his character at all, that's just all he does. Season 15 exacerbates the issue, and it only gets worse from there. Thankfully Season 18 is wonderful and the writers actually do something with him, but I haven't gotten there yet so I'll keep it out of this post. The biggest offender of the "wacky jelly baby man xd" so far is Image of the Fendahl. If you haven't seen it recently, there's a scene in the cliffhanger of part one where the Doctor is along in the room with a skull. No monitoring equipment, no people in the room, and no reason to suspect the skull is anything other than a skull, as evidenced by his surprise when it glows and does... something? Anyway, he sits down at the desk next to it, then asks it, completely seriously: "Would you like a Jelly Baby? [A short pause.] No, I don't suppose you would." Why did he do this? Well, obviously out of universe it's because it's a good gag scene. But that's exactly the problem: the writers very rarely seemed to think if it made sense for the Doctor to do it, they just went "yup, he's the funny guy, we should have a joke here." This extends to every 4th Doctor story. That's his only personality in all of them: he's funny. From his first episode, that's all he is. Sometimes the writers will be bold and he will violently swap between personalities in the span of a second; from haha meme man to absolute raging asshole. Seriously, he's just downright unpleasant most of the time when he's not being funny, I'd hate to travel with him. And my god if the early EU doesn't take that and turn it up to 11. You know that scene in Ark in Space where he's being a dick so Sarah will climb through the vent? I'm fairly certain that's the only scene the early comic writers watched, because he's like that legitimately all the time. Now, remember how in Invisible Enemy, 4 and Leela run around in the Doctor's mind? And are actually depicted as tearing through membranes and stuff? My new semi-serious headcanon is that the Doctor actually has brain damage after this. It would explain how any vestiges of character left him after this point, and why the very next episode he's offering inanimate skulls Jelly Babies. Another thing about this era that I hate is the sheer glut of novels. He has 24 novels, more than double what most of the others have. Obviously not counting 7 or 8. Most of these are horrendous. All those problems I have with 4? The lack of ambition on the writer's part, his lack of character? All turned up to the point it'd almost be comical if it wasn't physically painful to go through. There are only 2 novels I would actually recommend from this era, and one of them is a 4/Romana novel that I only know is good because I read it years ago when I bought the reprint, so it doesn't count in this portion of the review. Honestly, I have so many novels to rant about in the bad novels section that I almost had to save some for the next post, this whole thing is 38k of the 40k character limit. I think I've talked about my intense, burning hatred of 4's era enough here, probably enraging everyone. Make sure to leave an angry comment down below! I got one telling me that it's because "the intense bitterness in [my] mind" that I hate Combat Rock a while ago, so I guess people get very mad when you call something objectively terrible objectively terrible. And now, on to: Best Part of the Era Overall: Quite honestly? None of it. I dislike it so much. There's no ambition, and no reason to have any, because everyone loves the funny meme man. Why put any effort into your story when it'll just sell anyway? This seems to be Chris Boucher's philosophy, though we'll get to him later. There's no character development to 4 at all, not even during S18. It's just an abrupt personality change, though I like that personality much more. I'll try to refrain from mentioning anything post-Invasion of Time from now on just to have something to talk about next time. I guess the best part so far was with Leela? She's a more interesting character than the Doctor, hands-down. Her and Romana (oops, did it again) actually have character development, the only characters in his era to do so. Worst Part of the Era Overall: The least enjoyable part was probably the entire time Sarah-Jane was there. Like the Doctor, character development was thrown out the window the second Pertwee regenerated. I'm apathetic towards her, and I outright can't stand Harry Sullivan. Harry's hobbies include being a bit misogynistic and standing around uselessly. Their tenure is made worse by the severe lack of Big Finish with them. The only EU parts of their run is a few BF short trips, prose short trips, and an insufferable amount of novels. The 4th Doctor's early days are also very torn between trying to do like Robot, where it's him in a typically 3rd Doctor situation with UNIT, and trying to do something like his TV run. Sadly neither of them are good. The idea of the Doctor trying to fit into his old life, but his new personality clashing so heavily he has to give it up? Absolutely great. Sadly, because none of the writers understand the concept of character drama, it's never once brought up, it's just a thing that sort of accidentally happens. Good job lads. They also keep it like Seeds of Doom, where the Brig has just ceased to exist for the day. There's no reason to since it's prose, and when put all together, it becomes increasingly unlikely that he's just traveling the world doing... things, just so he's not there when they are. Alternate worst part: that time Chris Boucher had 4 novels of his literally in a row between Robots of Death and Talons of Weng-Chiang. We'll get into that later. Best Novels:Scratchman: Absolutely fantastic. Being written by Tom Baker in first person really gives you an insight into what the Doctor is thinking, which makes the fact that externally he's just meme man almost tolerable. You can see the Doctor's head isn't completely empty, which is something every TV writer seemed to forget all the time. Again: Jelly Baby to a skull scene is the most egregious example for this. He's legitimately terrified here, and it wouldn't work any other way than prose. I'm glad it wasn't made into a movie, where Tom Baker can un-act his way through it, it would have definitely let the story down. Wolfsbane: Probably only as good as it is because it has 8 in it, my favorite Doctor. It does feature some good moments, such as 4 abruptly just stabbing a wolf through the heart, and especially the fact that Harry becomes a werewolf. Okay, that part is only implied, but I want to believe it. Drosten's Curse: It tries a little too hard to be Douglas Adams, which gets annoying a few chapters in, but it's still relatively good. And that's it, those are the only two good novels so far. I've read 15 of 24 novels, and these are the only ones that were actually good. I won't be reading the 3 with BF adaptations, because reading is the part of this that takes the longest, and is generally horrendous. I got stuck at the Chris Boucher novels for over a month just because they were so shit I couldn't be bothered to suffer through them. The only other novels that aren't abject trash are A Device of Death, Ghost Ship, and, debatably, System Shock. Whatever you do, don't get it confused with Millennium Shock. Why? Find out several rant paragraphs down. Worst Novels: It's hard to pick a worst one. In all shit stories, there's one rule you should remember: rule 1: don't think about it, because the author didn't. On my spreadsheet, there are three different novels with a 2/10 rating. You know what a 1/10 is? Combat Rock. If you read my previous reviews, you know of my immeasurable hatred for that book. Unsurprisingly, one point up from it is also absolutely loathsome. First off: Managra: The title is an anagram. The book is networks petunia, according to this anagram generator site I found. Or, in normal person language, pretentious wank. This book is 320some pages long, and absolutely fuck all happens in them. Over two thirds of the book is worldbuilding, and it's insanely unrealistic. Apparently in the 31st century, the Vatican was renovated into a flying city. Okay, sure. Now people want to go back to the old ways. By which I don't mean they want the old Vatican back. No, they want to recreate history and go back to the 14th fucking century. No, there is no connection between these two things, despite the novel insisting there is. So the... government? Vatican??? God???? arranges this, and the entire planet has different sections for different periods of history. Oh, and also the entire Earth is now dimensionally transcendental. Why? How? What the fuck? Don't worry about it. Also, we refer to it as dimensions extraordinary because why not. So what if you want technology? Or like, anything? To progress in society? Fuck you, that's what. Anachronisms are illegal. You're in the 12th century but want to hear a Shakespeare play? Shit out of luck, go back to working on your farm or whatever it is you do. Shakespeare is also banned in all time periods by the Vatican, as well as all Elizabethian and Jacobean works. Why? Who knows. Also, they have Polygots, a sort of Babbelfish, and mechanical horses. So why reenact all this shit? Why ban indoor plumbing if you've got a robohorse? Think this entire idea is actually the stupidest fucking thing you're ever heard of? Too bad, this is literally the entire planet now. Why? Why the hell would even a singlecountryagree to this? "Hey guys, what if we redid history?" "Like, as a theme park? Interesting." "Nononono, like, all over. All the time." "Hmmm..." "Also we're reinstating racism for historical accuracy." Yup, that's something that happens. Why? Rule 1, don't worry about it, it all makes sense. Sure hope you weren't any form of minority. You can tell this book was written by a white man. There's also no mention of any non-European zones, though being generous, this could be because they're in the "Eurpoa dominion" the entire time. Now, this is all outright stupid, and we can all agree on that, right? Buckle up, because it gets worse. Like gazing into the eyes of Cthulhu, the madness goes deeper and deeper down the further you look. So, we have a bunch of different periods of history, anarchonisms are illegal, you're expected to suffer in your time period forever and that's just life. How did they determine the inhabitants of each section? Who knows. Probably eugenics. Anyway, we need historical figures to make it truly accurate. What? Why??? What??? Excuse you??? So now we have duplicates of them. Robot duplicates? Haha no, you absolute imbecile. We've cloned them. And... somehow made them have the same personalities as the originals. But also they're aware they're not original. And also there are multiple clones. Why? Because there are multiple copies of time zones and places. Why? Legitimately what purpose does having two instances of 17th century France have? BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE. These duplicates, called Reprises, are most of the main characters in the novel. It's a fucking time travel series, just use the originals and have them meet somehow instead of this contrived bullshit oh my fucking god. Remember how I called it pretentious? That's because, while doing all this world building, it seems to think the reader has read all the works of every famous poet ever, and keeps referencing it. The author has to feel the need to pause every other chapter with dialogue like: "Salutations Harold my good chap. A most extraordinary day, shan't you say?" "Oh my, yes Archibald, I do quite agreed. A day where one may see the Vatican's visage in all its splendid glory. I say, have you heard of that bard fellow? I hear he is working on his tenth sonnet." "Magnificent! Simply magnificent! 'Tis a shame the Vatican has banned all of these plays, along with all Elizabethan era works of literature." This is how the entire book is written, and how most of the expositional dialogue is done. Like most shit novels, the Doctor and Sarah hardly feature. Also, witches and zombies and demons and stuff are real. Why? Stop asking, it just is. The people in charge know they weren't real, so why do they exist? Why make people who can overthrow you? The plot is that there's this guy called Managra who is putting on plays and I guess it kills everyone in the audience? He shows up twice before the climax and is the most pretentious asshat in the novel by far, which is no easy feat. Somehow 4, Sarah, and 5 different Reprises team up to go invade his play or something. It's been months since I read it, and I discarded almost any memory of it immediately afterwards, so this summary might be a little off. Anyway, they dick around for 100+ pages on the way there, and we sometimes are afforded a line of dialogue from the Doctor. The bulk of this focuses on that guy from Castlevania, the author's original demon-slaying vampire hunter character. I can't even remember what happened to him in the end, other than the fact that I hated every second he wasted on screen. I don't think he ever met up with the Doctor, or if he did, it was very brief. Eventually 4 and co. find the theater, and 4 goes in there by himself and does god knows what. Then he interrupts Managra's plan and is sucked into a parallel world and also Managra is an alien and is an anagram for anagram and this is apparently thematically relevant and now the dimension is collapsing so the Doctor leaves it in there and then just kind of walks out. Story over. Millennium Shock: A sequel to the decent System Shock. Sadly it doesn't want you to know this, despite the title and the cover giving it away, and it literally stating it on the back. Instead we spend over half the novel getting to the point where 4 goes "woah, it's those guys from System Shock." It begins with a 20 page long article about Y2K, which you're required to read to understand the internal logic it's operating on. Like System Shock, it features an older Harry Sullivan, in the 20th century, working for MI6. Wow, cool. Shame he didn't pick up a personality to make me care about him in the intervening years. He's more 2D than ever if anything. Sarah isn't here so he can't be "charmingly" sexist, making him lose 80% of his character traits. I'd go into detail like Managra up there, except there's no plot to speak of to get into. The Doctor lands, we spend 120 pages figuring out what the cover already tells us, and then we blow it up the same way as last time. Amazing. Asylum: It's a pure historical, except it's not. It's a meeting between early 4 and Nyssa, except they split up and hardly talk. It's like a good story, except not. So Nyssa is preparing a paper on the effects of Francis Bacon. Why? As usual, don't question it. Also, this is post-Terminus, where we're rewarded with a scene of Nyssa taking a bath less than 20 pages in. It's one of those novels. Somehow time shifts and now Bacon is no longer noteworthy so she's writing a paper on something else. Then the TARDIS lands in her living room, 4 walks out, says some nonsense, and then they go back in time to meet Bacon. It's not intentional because she can't remember him, the TARDIS just goes to the beginning of the time distortion. Whatever. So we get there and it's just a pure historical. Nyssa runs off 30 pages after landing and does her own thing. 4 tries to solve a murder plot around Bacon. Nyssa falls in love with a knight who saw her in her underwear. That's right lads: best way to hook up with a girl is to spy on her getting changed and then keep forcing romantic advances on her until she gives in. He's killed later in the novel by the bad guy. Thrilling. Nyssa is sad. For about 5 minutes. Then she gets better. The writers of 4's era don't understand the concept of personalities at all. The bad guy was this guy who was I guess possessed by aliens, or heard their instructions? In the climax, he tells Nyssa he killed her knight boyfriend, and she's just ready to give in and almost lets him stab her. Then she realizes she has plot armour and stabs him in the head instead. The day is saved, and with only a slight bit of permanent brain injury! No really, that's actually it. The guy lives, 4 says he's mentally damaged for life. They take off again. In the epilogue and prologue, we see the aliens plan... something. Their ship is out of fuel, but they can travel through time as a incorporeal entity? I guess? So one goes back to speak to the bad guy from the rest of the novel and that's why he was evil. The Doctor never interacts with them or finds out about their existence. The epilogue is the brain damaged guy, who was in the aliens past, hunting them down as an old man and trying to warn them. They ignore him and think he's senile. Story over. Why did this not need to be a pure historical, when you could cut the aliens entirely? Rule 1. Last Man Running: The first of the four back-to-back Chris Boucher novels. Boucher is the creator of Leela. Which makes the fact that she's wildly out of character in all his novels more surprising. Not much to say on this one, it's just dull and convoluted. At one point Leela kills 50+ clones of herself, because she's the only one with plot armour. Corpse Marker: Hey guys, remember Robots of Death? Well Boucher does, and he wants to go back. Unfortunately he has no reason for doing so, and it's 200 pages of him wanking off onto the page while watching Robots of Death. Honestly, I'm pretty sure Robots of Death and Face of Evil being good were flukes, because god knows his other writing is awful. Psi-Ence Fiction: or, Chris Boucher and That Time He Found his Book of 1001 Witty Quips for Aspiring Writers. These characters are actually one dimensional. Featuring: Asshole college student, dismissive college student, Boobs McGee, horny college student, dead college student, their professor, a sentient cardboard cutout of the Doctor who is very concerned about water, and Leela. The college students + Boobs McGee all share literally the same personality beyond the descriptors I added to them. Boobs McGee is also a descriptor, because Boucher needs to constantly remind us that she is, in fact, attractive. They all just speak in generic quips straight out of every 90s-2000s movie ever. It's unbearable. The horny one constantly hits on the attractive one despite the fact she literally hates him and tells him to stop all the time. This book guest stars the ghost of Mick Lewis, and I'm only half joking. The antagonist is a demon who SCREAMS IN ALL CAPS CONSTANTLY and who for most of the novel IS IN YOUR HEAD, ATTRACTIVE BITCH. YEAH WHORE I'M IN HERE. That's legitimately how it talks. It constantly calls her a bitch. Good job Boucher. Anyway this is all just bullshit because it's not related to the overall solution anyway. The TARDIS lands, and 4 immediately loses his mind completely. The entire time we're seeing his POV, he's hardly coherent. This isn't even my dislike of him as a character, I mean he is legitimately written as if he's senile. Over half the book is him thinking something, then going "hmm, I think there's something in the water here, must be why I'm out of character here." That's honestly most of his contribution. Remember the water, because 4 brings it up all the time, and it's very important to the overall solution later. But Boucher, writing the characters as deliberately out of character and then calling attention to the fact multiple times is just not good writing. Leela does nothing, threatens to stab a few students on campus, the usual. The students who I mentioned earlier are all part of an experiment trying to unlock their psychic abilities. Also there are cops and there was a murder in this one forest years ago. Was that a non-sequitur and has no relevance to what came beforehand? That's exactly how it was in the original story too, despite it being the main crux of the end. So, things don't happen. 4 investigates the water. It turns out it's normal water and I lied earlier, just like Boucher lied to me the entire book. Why is the Doctor absolutely unhinged? WHO KNOWS. RULE ONE BABY. So why'd we waste over 3/4ths of the book on this? Who knows, it's not even relevant to how he finds the baddie. The villain is asshole college student, who has an underground lair for some reason. He has a time engine and wants to undo his sister's death in that forest years ago. 4 says no because it'll destroy time. Too bad. Ok. 4 is launched into it except he's not and he's actually just floating there except hewirigtkrthrkthgrkrrr Sorry, I just smashed my face into my keyboard there because my soul temporarily left my body. Then the TARDIS is in the beam for no fucking reason and it saves the day despite receiving no help from him. It led them to this place. Why could it not do this literally any time when they were outside of it to amuse itself? It literally didn't need them at all. Anyway now 4 is safe again except the thing is exploding so now we have to get away and also Leela is here too and also also we need to rescue the guy and oh nope he doesn't want it time to go story over. The ending was as rushed as that last run-on sentence. Match of the Day: The final Boucher novel. It's also by far the worst. Time for more implausibly idiotic worldbuilding. So, they land on a planet where murder is entertainment. But, woah, get this guys, what if it was a futuristic world? Like reality TV???? Technology is bad. So we have people who fight in arenas and it's broadcast. Okay cool. They have a manager. And also they can issue some form of challenge that lets them kill others at any time? This one famous guy, Keefer, is almost assassinated by an android, and we spend more than half the book focusing on whatever inane shit he's doing, which is mainly being edgy. I swear, literally every page in the last quarter has the fake swear word "scuffling" on it. To reflect how scuffling stupid and annoying this is, I will adopt it for the rest of the review on this book. 4 and Leela are immediately arrested for not killing someone, then get taken to jail. They meet Keefer's agent in jail where he's there for allegedly murdering Keefer despite it happening minutes ago but okay whatever. He teaches them basic law somehow, and they're called into the courtroom. In here the judges don't listen to a scuffling word they say and shoot down every argument. They decide to let them go free anyway. Why? Rule 1. Somehow this was broadcast to everyone despite it not being normal procedure for them and there being nothing different about them at first, and now both of them are celebrities. 4 wants to go back to the TARDIS. Good for you 4, please do. Save us. Nope, we can't, because Queefer's agent asked that we find him and he's sure he's still alive. Hahah okay, what? Guess we're doing that. What does he look like? What does he sound like? Where on the entire scuffling planet is he? Nobody knows, let's find this one dude. Then we scuffle around for 70 pages and I couldn't tell you a single thing that happened other than it focused more on Keefer than 4 and Leela. Keefer's agent got lobotomized off-screen so uh... in the end it's pointless to even find Keefer? 4 is now more famous and is running a dojo, Leela decides that this is boring and takes a spaceplane to space and... find the guy? For some reason? Despite there not being a clue to this ever and this not being a mystery story? Anyway she's right, but they still can't meet. One of the people she's there with drugged (?) her and threw her in a private ship and also both these people are apparently dead because?????????????? and it's not explained. She's kept in a zero G area of the ship, and talks to the pilot. 4 realizes she's missing and hunts her down. He tracks her using some baffling plot-convenient logic. He's also made friends with a corrupt cop and a... woman? That's about the only description of her personality I can give. This is a Boucher novel, of course they have no character. They're not even one-dimensional, they're in negative numbers. Leela lures the guy into the cell, then accidentally breaks his neck. Luckily for her, the ship is fully automatic so why the scuffling fuck did they need a pilot when he even admitted to her he didn't want to be there? Okay whatever. Ship docks with Lady Haiki or something's ship while Leela, like me, sleeps because this is boring as hell. 4 and co have chartered a flight to this same ship.... somehow? They're taken there, meet lady Hitachi, and also Keefer is on her ship too. She's orchestrated this entire thing and wants Leela and Keefer to duel. They don't. 4 says no and walks off. Scuffling excuse you? They take the plane back. They've had a "kill these people on sight and you receive a reward" placed on their heads. There are 15 pages left in the novel. We go to the dojo, everything is gone. Police man has been selling us out from the start apparently. Ok cool. We ask him to get every famous and powerful person on the planet into the arena to watch the Leela/Keefer match. This works, somehow. They refuse to fight. 4 is up in the booths with them because ok. His plan is non-existent, just "get these people here." We get no indication what the scuffling hell he planned to do next other than what happens is entirely wrong. Lady Haiki is here, and apparently has been conspiring to end the fighting by killing all the famous fighters and then making it illegal? Presidentman shoots her fucking head off on national TV. He also apparently planned this from the start. What the everloving fuck? He says fighting will be illegal now. So if he agreed with her, why the hell did he just kill her? And then we get the TARDIS back and leave and 4 is going to teach Leela how to play chess :) Eye of Heaven: Oh boy. This is the third 2/10 on my list. The chapters are told out of order. Odd chapters before they got on the boat, even chapters while they're on the boat. Basically, if you want a comprehensible account of the story, you have to read every odd chapter, then every even chapter. I didn't, and I'd not even consider it. We land and 4 meets up with this old acquaintance who we've never met, who has a stone tablet stolen from Easter island, where this one lady's brother died during the expedition to recover it years ago. He feels guilty about it and wants to return it, 4 just casually hires a boat. Also the entire story is told in first person, making it even more confusing. See how I summarized that in one paragraph? Jim Mortimore took a quarter of the book for that. So then we go on the boat and nothing happens. We keep reading and nothing keeps happening. Good thing we have the timeskips back to earlier chapters! Except nothing is happening there either. Something only begins to happen in odd chapters, and it's dumb. Odd chapter: Leela and crew member go overboard. Even chapter: Nothing. Odd: Leela and man get on an killer whale and steer it back towards the ship. Even: Nothing Odd: Leela and man are surviving off raw fish. There's a cyclone. Oh no, how will they survive. Turns out the answer is by killing the killer whale and now hiding in its mouth. Cool. We hit the halfway point. Now odd chapters are boat stuff, taking up from where we left off, and even chapters are stuff on the island. There are pirates on the island who... want the tablet? Just want to make a nuisance of themselves? So now during odd chapters we deal with that. Apparently they're chasing us. Even chapter: we're running from pirates, who at this point the audience doesn't know that's why they're running because they haven't been introduced yet. They're in cave systems under the island with the natives, hiding from the attack. Odd chapter: Nothing happens. Even Chapter: they're through a portal to an alien world. Why? Explain later. Odd: Nothing. Even: Nothing, but on a different planet. Odd: Nothing. Even: Apparently this planet is like a junction for some alien race who was in a big war. This is their final weapon and it will deploy when it detects non-alien lifesigns. Where's it deploying? Who against, if the war is over? Rule 1. The woman whose brother died years ago kills this other member of the crew in a murder suicide. Okay, now we just have to carry their bodies out of here and walk out of the Easter Island head which is actually a portal and then the weapon turns off. This is chronologically the end of the story. But don't get too comfortable, there's still one more odd chapter. Odd: The same lady flings herself off a cliff, but again, this is earlier than the even chapters. We take her to the cave of healing and somehow this makes her better and ties the story together. Don't ask me how, no idea. Also, the TARDIS is taken off on a separate ship at the start of the story to god knows where. 4 just says "oh haha guess we'll have to hunt it down later." This is left entirely off-screen. Drift: There's 23 main characters in this book, and you're expected to actually care about them, much less know who they are. Shockingly, nothing happens. There's a native american woman whose character is "wow look, she's tribal and primitive! Just like Leela!" I guess this fits perfectly into 4's era of uncomfortable racism. Best Audios: Kill the Doctor!/Age of Sutekh: Easily the best one. Fantastic story, and the Kill the Doctor! cover is one of my favorites. It also has an amazing moment for Tom Baker: "I am the Doctor, and I bring my gift of life to all humanity!" The music, the dlivery, it's all perfect. I could definitely see it being a New Who episode. How to Win Planets and Influence People: Easily the best short trip I've heard in recent memory. The Genesis Chamber: A bit overly long, and definitely could have done without the romance subplot. The King of Sontarr: "would you rather fight 100 Sontaran-sized Sontarans on 1 7 foot tall super-Sontaran." The Crooked Man: One of the best 4DAs, don't want to spoil the twist though. Destroy the Infinite: Great story made better by the first chronological (for the Doctor) appearence of the Eminence. Requiem for the Rocket Men/Death Match: The first half is 4 doing 7 style machinations and generally fun. Leela finds a perfect partner. No spoilers, but he can't come with them so she has to dump him. 4 tells her, "Maybe you should lower your standards a bit." Watching Invasion of Time and god did she take that to heart. The Mind Runners/The Demon Rises: Nothing I can really say without spoiling it, but it's really solid. The Crowmarsh Experiment: It's a fairly standard "oh no which reality is real? Is the Doctor all fake????" thing, but it's done well and I like that type of story. Worst Audios: There aren't many bad audios. BF isn't very ambitious with the 4DAs because they know anything with Tom Baker's face on it is going to sell boatloads, so why bother? Most of them are mediocre, not outright bad. The Wondourous Box: It's an early short trip, so it's ~10 minutes long. Nothing happens byond the TARDIS getting an Elephant killed. Doctor Who and the Pescatons: Not BF, but early BBC audio. No sense of sound mixing, plot, pacing, writing, music, or really anything at all. Punctuated by horrific shrill noises, and 4 being even more out of character than usual. In the same vein: Exploration Earth: The Time Machine: An educational story for kids, except it's stupid. The plot exists only to serve so the villain and the Doctor can monologue about the formation of Earth, and Sarah is an absolute idiot for the audience's benefit. The Cataclyst/The Child/The Empathy Games/The Time Vampire: The individual stories are servicable, but the overarcing Leela thing is horrendous and I hope the Gallifrey series decanonizes it. It seemed very Heaven Sent, so when I got to the end of Time Vampire I was really disappointed. The Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos: You knew it was coming. I'm all for experimental stories, but maybe don't have the "nothing happens this time" story be part of the finale? The prose short trips frequently do "we landed and there's nothing here" far better. Best Short Stories: The Duke of Dominoes: It's a Master-focused story, and it's great. Not coincidentally, it gets worse when 4 appears. Observer Effect: There are these people trapped on a long-term space mission, and now they're being killed based off viewer ratings. Hello Goodbye: The Doctor comes back to UNIT, yells at the brig, then leaves. Surprisingly good, only thing to address the fact he no longer fits in at UNIT. Worst Short Stories: The Sands of Tymus: Sarah is captured for a breeding program. 4 is outraged because that's sex slavery. The aliens explain they're just going to clone her a billion times. 4 and Sarah decide this is okay and leave without a complaint. This was in an Annual. As in a story for children. Conscription: This fetures penis-gourd wearing tribes, I shit you not. Good accidental continuity I guess. Mutiny: Harry is locked up for munity by calling the Doctor. He lets him out. The whole story is under 4 pages. The Doctor's Cross Word: The Doctor walks on this elder God's puzzle which spells out Who. He thinks it spells out Ohm because he sees it upside down and is also dumb. Honestly, there are too many to list. Comics: All travesties, bar Death Flower, which is legitimately okay. Comic 4 is a raging misoginist and utter dickbag and I don't think anyone involved ever watched TV Who. Best TV Stories: Gensis of the Daleks: Like everything with 4, grossly overrated. Still good, but honestly, put to better use in the EU as a motivation. "Remember that time you were on Skaro and could have killed them?" "Yeah lmao" Planet of Evil: I don't love it, but it's pretty okay. The set is beautiful. Pyramids of Mars: Tom Baker actually acts in this one. A rare occurrence. The Brain of Morbius: I don't know why S13 did the whole "rip off horror movies for fun" thing, but at least it mostly worked. The Deadly Assassin: Establishes Gallifrey in a way that's been influential in all future stories. Shame Invasion of Time ruined it. Robots of Death: Boucher writing a good story is a fluke. See above. The Sun Makers: Very Doctor Who, though we could have done without the vaguely antisemitic caricature villain. Worst TV Stories: All of those not mentioned above. Only half joking. I greatly dislike almost all the other stories. Tom Baker phones in his performance the entire time up to S18 (oops) and you can tell he's just there for the paycheck. Revenge of the Cybermen: What was their plot? How'd the cybermat get on board? Rule 1. The Masque of Mandragora: Again, just average. Only good bit is the meme salami sandwich line. The Hand of Fear: Tolerable, though the best part is Sarah leaving. Not because it's well done, though it is, but because I'm finally rid of her. Horror of Fang Rock: Despite being the only TV appearance of the Rutans, it only really shows up in part 4. The Invisible Enemy: Actually can pinpoint the moment where they damage the actual-personality-cortex in his mind. It's all downhill from here. Image of the Fendahl: Boucher. I just couldn't be arsed to pay attention, and despite seeing it twice before, still didn't understand it. Feat. Jelly Baby skull line that I loathe so much. Underworld: It's actually a surprisingly okay story, but the visuals are nauseatingly bad. The Invasion of Time: Better than I remembered. 4 getting up to 7 style manipulations is good, though it all nosedives around part 3. Leela's exit is the worst of all companions and I hate it a lot. She deserved better. And the big one: The Talons of Weng-Chiang: My least favourite. I know, I know, people love it. One question: why? Looking past the appalling racism, the story just isn't that good. Like Fendahl, I've seen it 3 times now, and it just feels like a fever dream. Details of the plot slip my mind in about 6 seconds, and I just can't bring myself to care. It's 4 parts nothing with a side of racism, and 2 of convoluted nonsense. Final Thoughts: My god will I be glad to hit Logopolis. In case I hadn't made it perfectly clear, I hate 4's era. It lacks ambition, character development, and, on TV, decent writing. The Doctor is the meme man, Sarah is 2D, Harry is 0D, Leela is fantastic. Her and Romana are both much better characters than the Doctor himself, yet he treats both of them like shit a lot of the time. Current Doctor rating: 12/8 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 2 > 11 > 1 > 3 > 9 > War > 13 > 10 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 4 Looking forwards to the fact I only have 5 move novels to read though, I think I only have a few months worth of stuff. Maybe only a month? I also only have a few TV Action comics left before they turn to DWM comics, so that's something to look forward to. I'm definitely going to enjoy the latter half of this era more. Fun fact to end on: Leela has canonically killed more than 100 people since travelling with the Doctor.
2019.05.26 22:53 T51bwinterizedHow Did Your Favorite Players Perform (Relative to Seeding) At MomoCon 2019?
As per usual, I'm doing an analysis of player results relative to seeding for Ultimate. Previous analyzed tournaments are at the bottom. Overall it was a really exciting tournament, with an edge of your seat Top 8. I did the top 96 placements this time, because it was an S-tier tournament. Let's get into it, shall we? Disclaimer 1: Not all runs are created equal. Some players needed to take on monsters to get their placement. Some less so. This is not meant to be an objective comparative quality match-up of players. Disclaimer 2: If a player had a bad tournament that doesn't make them a bad player. It is easier to perform below your standard then above. Thus, one tournament can make a career, but it can't break it. There are many reasons players lose. As fans we have a responsibility to be good to players. They cry and sweat for us. The goal isn't to make players stress out about individual placements more, but to catch interesting story lines and data. Don't be a dick to players. Disclaimer 3: It is easier for a low seed to overperform and for a high seed to underperform. Seeds are a stand-in for expectations. The shit part of high expectations is that beating them is hard. One should consider equal levels of over-performance to favor higher seed players in terms of level of impressiveness. Disclaimer 4: An issue with seeding is just as good an explanation for some of these cases as bad play is. It is not always possible to tell the difference. How to Read This: Number indicates placement relative to expected placement. The number reflects losers round expected to lose in, vs actual loss. At the request of numerous people from the previous two threads, we're experimenting with single number placement this time. What that means is that if a player was seeded between 13 and 16, that means they were expected to go out at 13th place. Thus, if they got a +1 it means they got 9th place. If they got a -1 then it means they got 17th.
+5 or More (Star Turn)
Blank. Unseeded. 33rd Place. (+5): Surprisingly, not the famous Chrom playing Blank. She's on the lower end of the list. This Blank avoided a potential loss because of a ConCon DQ. Then he scored wins over seeded players in losers including Adachi, Biddy, and Dusk. Eventually he ran into a real big fish in the way of Fatality, but not after a pretty good performance. Also, have TOs considered making two entrants with the same name being banned? Don’t they know the suffering it inflicts on internet hobbyist writers! The suffering!
+2 to +4 (Strong Tournament)
GenV. 168th Seed. 33rd Place. (+4): Lots of bracket luck with this one. DubZ. Unseeded. 49th Place. (+4): Got an upset on Dietsoda, which is pretty nice for an unseeded player. Yuki. Unseeded. 49th Place. (+4): This is the real deal losers run right here. They knocked out the 29th Seed, Dyr. He was a Smash 4 PGR 100 player. The 5th Place finisher at Come to Papa. Someone’s coming home with a story to tell. And maybe a seed at their next tournament... Key. Unseeded. 49th Place. (+4) Sinji. 23rd Seed. 7th Place. (+3): The closest thing that Momocon had to an upset king. No one else near him in seeding got close to this placement. I mean, is Pac Man just a high tier character now? Sinji and Tea both got top 8s in majors in the same week. Cosmos just seemed lost in the match up. Shoyo James let the win go through his fingers. Sinji went Wakka-Wakka through the bracket. Peabnut. 49th Seed. 17th Place. (+3): Partially presaged by a 9th place finish in doubles alongside fellow 17th place resident, Goblin. Peabnut showed up for South Carolina. He got one of the first really big upsets when he took down Mr. R. Before Nairo knocked him out, he also got a kill in losers over his fellow MegaMan, Scatt. With Yeti off dominating at Combo Breaker, and Kameme taking the S-tier in Japan earlier, it’s been a good month for everyone repping the little robot who could. Zie. 123rd Seed. 33rd Place. (+3) Quest. 166th Seed. 49th Place. (+3) Zachujo. 152nd Seed. 49th Place. (+3) EarthBoundy. 144th Seed. 49th Place. (+3) Glist’s Special Blend. 130th Seed. 49th Place. (+3) Evyn. Unseeded. 65th Place. (+3): Got a small upset on ROB main, Benny&TheJets. SZB.Unseeded. 65th Place. (+3): Like almost all the players whose appearance on this list was improbable, he got an upset . A pretty good one too, in the form of Hyper Kirby. Muad. Unseeded. 65th Place. (+3) Lt. Waffle. Unseeded. 65th Place. (+3) Neeko. Unseeded. 65th Place. (+3) Combo. Unseeded. 65th Place. (+3): Actually got a pretty decent upset over Biddy. MKLeo. 3rd Seed. 1st Place. (+2): Is MKLeo winning the whole thing really that surprising? No. Lol. But, the way that he did it was astonishing. He was dominant here. His Joker was scary at GOML, but here it looked much more developed. The results of it were really demonstrated when he absolutely trashed Tweek with him. His zero-to-death on the last stock of his close set with his doubles partner, Marss, showed it. Now he’s gotta bring that kind of fire the next time Team Japan shows up in force, so that North America isn’t made to look like bitches again. Best in the world is well within possibility for him, though don’t lose your minds just yet. This was a big tournament, but we have many more big tournaments to go before EVO. VoiD. 12th Seed. 5th Place. (+2): That’s what we wanted to see! VoiD’s been off his game lately, so seeing him play at the level we’ve always known he could was particularly satisfying. The big win here was over Nairo, which was exactly as good a set as it sounds like. He even brought out his Sheik in bracket! I mean, he lost with her, but it was still cool! Salem. 13th Seed. 7th Place. (+2): It was a pretty good Salem run when he arrived in losers. He’d beaten Light by that point, but he almost did that at Ultimate Nimbus. No, the moment everyone will remember was when he was down 2-0 to Dabuz, and out of nowhere he pulled out a Shulk and reverse 3-0’d him. I speak for everyone when I say “Where the fuck did that come from?” He tried the same trick on Nairo when he was down 2-0 to him, but to a less successful result. Oh yes, also I guess something something research. Is that joke as played out for you guys? I'm pretty done with it. WaDi. 18th Seed. 9th Place. (+2): Call me Cinnpie, because I’m out here cheering for our boy WaDi. He’s been a favorite since I started following the scene and asked who the crazy Mewtwo with his girlfriend waving pompoms for him in the background was. His result at Ultimate nationals had, to date, been rather limited. But, it was his turn to shine, and that meant wins over MuteAce and Cosmos(!). His new combination of ROB and WiiFit has been doing a lot better than his prior effort at a Rosa backup. He’s quite a threat once again. Wrath. 43rd Seed. 17th Place. (+2): It seems that Wrath has finally found his new groove. Like other mains of nerf’d top tiers, such as former Diddy mains, the Sonic mains have faced a tough choice in the new game. But, he seems to vibe with Joker’s fast paced play style. That said, it’s hard to tell how NAKAT’s DQ effected this run, since they were slated to run against each other early. This is your 894th reminder that seeding, DQs, and upsets radically re-arrange tournaments. Rfang. 62nd Seed. 25th Place. (+2): I have no idea who this guy is, but he upset Sonido, so that’s a pretty solid win. Also I was informed that he was one of the best players in South Carolina. Fangs for the tip. Get it? Fangs for the- Donquavius. 84th Seed. 33rd Place. (+2) Pipp. 74th Seed. 33rd Place. (+2) MopN. 71st Seed. 33rd Place. (+2): I forgot him the first time around. Lol. Sorry, bro. Good result. Jtails. 127th Seed. 49th Place. (+2) Dusk. 106th Seed. 49th Place. (+2) Stain. 164th seed. 65th Place. (+2) Buzzeh. 158th Seed. 65th Place. (+2) Prospect. 151st Seed. 65th Place. (+2) Pudd. 150th Seed. 65th Place. (+2) NPG. 138th Seed. 65th Place. (+2)
-1 to +1 (Normal Tournament)
Samsora. 6th Seed. 4th Place. (+1): Not a lot to say about the final boss of Leo’s “Trial by Peach” segment of the tournament. He lost to MKLeo and Marss. He beat VoiD, Sinji, WaDi, and Shoyo James. These are good wins, but not one is really that surprised by it either. Samsora remains a good and consistent player. Probably the only big Peach we can really say that about, at least according to MuteAe. Dark Wizzy 17th Seed. 13th Place. (+1): The Furry Mario extraordinaire beats his seeding yet again. His consistency is remarkable. He lucked out in avoiding an earlier match with Mr R. But, he still got several notable wins, including Florida’s Goblin and ending Peabnuts’ upset run. Captain Zack. 32nd Seed. 17th Place. (+1): Captain Zack, like the absent ESAM, is normally on a roulette. He washes out or he goes on a tear. This time it was closer to the middle, but not for a lack of trying to fuck the bracket. He suffered a tiny upset via Scatt, then flipped around to upset Nicko and beat Blazing Pasta, only to have the bad luck of ending up against the number 4 seed, Light, in losers. But, hey he made some money. That tends to happen when you play doubles with Tweek. Suarez. 27th Seed. 17th Place. (+1): Oh hey, he beat LingLing. That’s hardly a huge surprise, since Suarez is a serial upset artist, and they were only 3 seeds apart. But, I mean, have you seen LingLing play? He’s pretty fucking good. Then he beat Mr E, and that was even more impressive. Suarez is a perpetual resident of the + side of the list. Blazing Pasta. 41st Seed. 25th Place. (+1): Also got an upset on Mr R, this time in losers. That’ll probably be the big memory of the tournament for him, but honestly I’m still just trying to bleach the memory of his cosplay as Peach out of my mind. Fatality. 39th Seed. 25th Place. (+1): As much of a fan I am of the Smash 4 Captain Falcon dunkmaster, I’m sad to say that as good as this result looked on paper, that there weren’t any actual upsets/surprising wins involved. 8BitMan DQ’d and that was the round he was projected to lose at. The grand return of Our Lord of the Knee will have to come another day. Captain L. 36th Seed. 25th Place. (+1) Scatt. 33rd Seed. 25th Place. (+1) Scot. 68th Seed. 33rd Place. (+1) Ai!. 57th Seed. 33rd Place. (+1) Ross. 54th Seed. 33rd Place. (+1) Jack. 52nd Seed. 33rd Place. (+1) Eldin. 51st Seed. 33rd Place. (+1) Uncivil Ninja. 92nd Seed. 49th Place. (+1) Lemmon. 65th Seed. 49th Place. (+1): He was the guy that knocked out up-and-coming Florida Pichu, Tachyon, out of the tournament, winning a pretty important early upset in the process. Valiency. 113rd Seed. 65th Place. (+1) Kip!. 108th Seed. 65th Place. (+1) Jarvis. 97th Seed. 65th Place. (+1) Nairo. 5th Seed. 5th Place. (+0): Nairoooooo. He got upset early by Void and took it back to Loser’s Quarters and a match vs fellow Smash 4 ZSS main Marss. What followed was pretty nuts. He started by bringing his old ZSS out of retirement for 2 games...and that was the tame part of the set. When he was down 2-0 he threw the entire roster at Marss. Wolf? Okay, makes sense. Robin? Fucking weird. Dark Pit? What!? In five games, he used 4 characters (including two low/mid tiers), won twice, and took it to last hit twice more. It was majestic, and a complete flex of his command of the roster. Nairo was out here, at an S-tier, playing like it was on Random, and almost winning too. Shoyo James. 11th Seed. 9th Place. (+0): Shoyo James had a pretty normal tournament. By which I mean he took on Florida heavies Myran and Mute Ace, and then lost in an insane, edge of your seat, 5 game reverse sweep set to Sinji. Along the way, exciting moments of triumph and victory snatched inches from his grasp. As I said. A normal Shoyo James Tournament. Ally. 9th Seed. 9th Place. (+0): Another of those cases of ending roughly near the middle. He got a huge early win against Dabuz which was very dramatic. But, while impressive for the PGR, it probably hurt his run, because it put him against Nairo in losers. Had he lost, his path to Top 8 would have been Ryuga, Dark Wizzy, Salem. As evidenced by Salem’s insane run, that’s no free win. But, it would have been much more probable than beating Nairo. At the end of the day, it all leads back to Ally losing at 9th. Right where the Seeders expected him. Goblin. 21st Seed. 17th Place. (+0) Ryuga. 20th Seed. 17th Place. (+0) Vinny G. 31st Seed. 25th Plae. (+0) Morpheus. 28th Seed. 25th Place. (+0) Laid. 44th Seed. 33rd Place. (+0) Sonido. 38th Seed. 33rd Place. (+0) HyperKirby. 34th Seed. 33rd Seed. (+0) Benny&TheJets. 64th Seed. 49th Place. (+0) Mekos. 59th Seed. 49th Place. (+0) El Chapo. 95th Seed. 65th Place. (+0) Jkid. 89th Seed. 65th Place. (+0) TheReflexWonder. 88th Seed. 65th Place. (+0) Dietsoda. 83rd Seed. 65th Place. (+0) FredtheFarmer. 81st Seed. 65th Place. (+0): Winner of the best name among the high placers in the tournament content. Though I did also enjoy “Benny&TheJets”. Tiger. 77th Seed. 65th Place. (+0) Mr Riddle. 76th Seed. 65th Place. (+0) Lazyboredom. 75th Seed. 65th Place. (+0) CillyChilli. 73rd Seed. 65th Place. (+0) ChocoTaco. 66th Seed. 65th Place. (+0) Tweek. 1st Seed. 2nd Place. (-1): Let’s just move on to Winners/Grands. Up until that point, everything you expect would happen with Tweek happened. He played well, mostly used Wario, won a lot. The real question was “Would he beat MKLeo's new main?” It was possible we wouldn’t even get a chance to find out again, like GOML. But, Leo had leveled up in a week. So when the two finally faced each other...it wasn’t pretty. Tweek did a lot better in the runback where he actually gave Leo a solid fight, but the image seared into everyone’s head coming towards Smash N’ Splash is of Leo getting a 3-stock over his Roy. Knowing Tweek and his reputation for taking losses hard, one suspects and perhaps worries, that it’s the image seared into his head too. But, it’s not all bad at all. Tweek might get another shot at it next week, and one can only imagine he’ll be coming back ready. But, when Leo’s Joker is one of a kind, how do you even practice to face that? Marss. 2nd Seed. 3rd Place. (-1): It’s increasingly looking like Marss has developed the one thing he was really lacking, and the one thing that runs contrary to his daredevil in pajamas persona. Consistency. He always had some problems with it, but for the past few tournaments, he’s been one of the top players least likely to get upset. This tournament proved it. It’s another case of only a technical disappointment. He only lost to MKLeo/Tweek. Marss is continuing to make a solid case for Top 5 in the world status. Dabuz. 8th Seed. 9th Place. (-1): I feel bad when Dabuz underperforms. He’s a striving ambitious player who could take a major any day. But, he’s often fell into the trap of being seen as the big fighting boss to be overcome. In this case, he was on the receiving end of an insane reverse 3-0 when Salem pulled out his totally unknown Shulk. It was an insane dramatic moment, and for Dabuz it was probably pure heartbreak. One of these days, Dabuz will win an Ultimate Major, and I’ll be the first person cheering. Myran. 10th Seed. 13th Place. (-1): This tournament has really reminded us of the weak points of Olimar. As strong as he is, Olimar players struggle against swordies and certain trap based zoners. Myran has this worse then Dabuz, because he’s a pure character loyalist. That character loyalty sent him headlong into rough matches against first Sinji’s Pac Man. But, the really rough one was Shoyo James, mainly because he lost to him literally a week ago at Get On My Level. Who wants to travel around the continent every week just for Shoyo James to turn you into a combo video? MuteAce. 15th Seed. 17th Place. (-1): MuteAce had it rough too. You could see the disappointment set in on his face as WaDi had his number. What’s worse is that he was knocked out in losers by familiar foe, Shoyo James. It was apparently a re-run of his loss at Frostbite too. It’s really brutal, though considering the pace of his growth not insurmountable. Umeki. 14th Seed. 17th Place. (-1): Round 2 of MKLeo’s “Trial by Peach” where he faced numerous Peach and Daisy players in a row. The best Daisy in Japan put up a good fight, but got bested by his Joker and then subsequently lost to Myran. Mr E. 19th Seed. 25th Place. (-1) Ling Ling. 30th Seed. 33rd Place. (-1): Round 1 of MKLeo’s “Trial by Peach”. After that, he found himself in Losers where he ended up against Suarez, who is probabblyyyyy the best Yoshi, so that’s pretty respectable. Nicko. 25th Seed. 33rd Place. (-1): You know, the early upset to Captain Zack hurt. But, really the reason this was a bad tournament for him was that Salem pulling out his super duper wonder Shulk puts Nicko’s position as the best Shulk at risk. Akashic. 45th Seed. 49th Place. (-1) Salt One. 37th Seed. 49th Place. (-1) Jlim. 61st Seed. 65th Place. (-1) Dayne. 60th Seed. 65th Place. (-1)
-4 to -2 (Weak Tournament)
Cosmos. 7th Seed. 13th Place. (-2): This was the first time Cosmos has failed to make Top 8 since his mediocre showing at Let’s Make Moves and good-not-great result at Glitch 6. It was hardly a travesty, and Cosmos has mostly agreed with that on twitter. He just didn’t seem to know what to do against Sinji’s Pac Man or WaDi’s ROB. It’s not like anyone’s out here at the barricades over it. Everyone needs an off week, and this was Cosmos’. If anything, it meant his weeb ass could spend more time at Momocon remembering how much he enjoyed Japan. I hope he got a bitchin’ wall scroll. Rideae. 48th Seed. 65th Place. (-2): Suffered an early upset to ReflexWonder, the Wario player with a name that has a certain kind of fridge grossness to it. Mr Bones. 42nd Seed. 65th Place. (-2): One of the top 5 Amerian Bowsers. He seemed kind of lost in his match against Sinji. Not just that he had no idea how to face Pac Man. But, the entire set was plagued with technical problems. Not sure what happened with his later loss to Jtails. Blank. 35th Seed. 65th Place. (-2): Not as bad as it looks. Losing to LingLing wasn’t really an upset. Ross is also a good player and a reasonable loss. If anything, the most embarrassing part was that she ended up only the second best performing player with the name Blank. Gotta stick up for your name. Mr R. 16th Seed. 33rd Place. (-3): Not a lot to say here. He suffered two pretty surprising upsets and placed well south of his normal standard. Am I going to have to bring back the Egyptian Mummy Curse joke from circa Frostbite? You were doing so well! Dyr. 29th Seed. 65th Place. (-3): Dyr is a top level talent, so seeing him place this low is pretty shocking. Shocking because he lost to Captain L’s Pikachu, that is! Okay okay, that wasn’t that surprising. Captain L is one of Canada’s best players. But, losing to Yuki, an unknown, in an early losers round was pretty damn surprising. He seemed to be pretty devastated by it on twitter. Rough. Hopefully he bounces back from it. Picking up a new main (Joker) is always hard and sometimes means you have to work a bit harder to get back to your normal level of play. Light. 4th Seed. 13th Place. (-4): Light has been largely absent for the past month, but the meta has shifted quite a bit in that time. The entire Snake/Olimar debate happened mostly without him. So, we can’t be surprised that he’s had a few issues keeping his top 10 status or that TOs might have a bit of challenge placing him. Plus, Salem/Nairo are nothing even resembling bad losses. Definitely a case of not as bad as it looks, even if he didn’t look as dominant here as he did in February/March. Tachyon. 24th Seed. 65th Place. (-4): I have no idea what happened here. Tachyon is one of the South-East’s best players, so seeing him upset in pools was pretty unexpected. Then he got upset again, though this time not by an unseeded player, in early top 128 losers side. But hey, he beat Hungrybox. That would be pretty impressive...if this was in Melee...
-5 and Below (Wash Out)
So all in all, this was a good tournament. The strong players performed well. There were surprises, such as Sinji, Nairo's Character Select Screen jamboree, and Salem's surprise Shulk. I certainly can't say I was disappointed as a viewer. Though the tournament wasn't without issues. The choice to put most of the matches in one day made for a lot of great matches missed, and a rather too fast viewing experience, relative to other S-tiers. The actual production quality was mostly fine, save for a few errors. On the seeding front, things played out much more normal to the Genesis baseline, compared to the wild swings and upsets from the Frostbite to Pound period. This was despite a huge number of DQs and bracket problems derived from it's status as a free tournament at a convention. Running a tournament with low entry requirements and maintaining seeding must have been hell, but the team did a really good job regardless. Does this mean that the period of insane Meta instability in February to April is over? Well, let's wait for the return of Team Japan before we say that. We still don't know how well all the new Meta developments in the west relate to the development of play in Japan, and vice versa. Certainly MKLeo's Joker is an entirely different creature then the one he sent to Umebura Major. There's a lot of room for uncertainty. We're going to find out though. That will be fun. Tracking Top 8 Placements and Majors: Here Past write ups: Frostbite, Ultimate Numbus, Collision, Prime Saga, Pound, Get On My Level My Twitter: Here
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